Well there's this boy.

[AutumnDae]

So of course, like every year, I either start to like a boy, or they start to like me.

This time, it's the latter of the two.

Yesterday, I had CASMA practice during Activity Period. I was sitting next to the trombone players, Tyler and Jack. And then on the other side of me was a tuba player, Chris. When we first got in the chorus room, where we were practicing, the chairs were attached to one another. That posed a problem, seeing as we all need room to move. So we unattached mine, Jack's and Tyler's. We didn't know Chris was coming.

So a few minutes later, I was waiting to start playing, and I feel a hand. Not just anywhere. On my thigh. Like woah, a little bit in my personal space. I glance over, and it's Tyler. Woah man, hold up. I take his hand, and place it on his own knee, and say "This is where that stays." At this point in time I thought we were just kidding around. I was kidding anyways. He kept doing it though. He kept saying " I love you Autumn. Will you go out with me?" I replied "Shut up Tyler, no." Jack kept on encouraging him, and laughing. I thought it was funny.

So a few seconds later, Chris shows up. We needed to unattach mine and his chairs, so Jack did that. Tyler looks over at Chris and says, "Chris, if you need more room, Autumn can sit right here." And points to his lap. Hey man, take it easy.

He kept making comments. He touched my thigh again, and I took his hand, and placed it on his trombone. In about the second and a half that it took me to do that, he tried to hold it and said "Oh Autumn, trying to hold my hand." At first, this was funny. Now it was starting to get creepy.

Jack kept on encouraging him. Tyler says "Autumn, you have to kiss me then reject me." I just looked away. Then he asked me if I was cold. Strange question, considering the fact that it seemed to be about 80 degrees in the room and I was wearing a hoodie. and 4 different shirts (clash day) I say "No, actually, I am really hot right now." He says, "That's right you are."

So the rest of CASMA went basically the same way, him putting his arm around me, making comments. I never thought Tyler was like that.

I txted him later and asked if he was being serious. He replied "IDK, Maybe. You would reject me anyways." I said "I never said that. But, if you really like me then there would have been a better way of showing it." He relplied "Goodnight. I have to go. Sweet dreams. Dream of me because I will be dreaming of you."

So apparently I have an admirer. I guess. I think he was being serious. I don't like him like that though. What should I do?

I understand that "He shouldn't touch you like that. It's invasion of your space." But he isn't like that, nor would he be if we were to date.

Maybe I could go to the homecoming with him?

[Avalikia]

Well he was doing things that made you feel uncomfortable, you asked him to stop, and he didn't. Perhaps he thought it was a joke, but this is very immature and disrespectful of him whether it was joking or not and whether that's typical of him or not. I personally wouldn't encourage him by asking him out at this point, because you then become the girl that's okay with that sort of thing and it doesn't sound like you want to be okay with it.

However, if he's your age he's also got a lot of learning to do, so I wouldn't say you need to give up on him. Instead you have to set some boundries for him, and if he can't respect the boundries you set not only is does he fall into the "undateworthy" catagory, it's also harassment and you shouldn't let it continue.

Also, if you don't like him that way it's cruel to lead him on by asking him out. The kindest thing to do is to tell him that you don't feel that way about him and whether or not that might change in the future (like if you got to know him better or something).

[AutumnDae]

I didn't plan on asking him out. I was just wondering how to tell him I really don't like him if he keeps on coming on to me.

[Zephyr]

Just tell him.
"I don't like you like that."
That's the most effective way.
Clear, simple and no room for 'hidden messages'.

[ShatteredWings]

well... this is what i've been saying to guys like that.

"go away, i'm not intrested"

Not sure if you'd like to use such a direct approach, 'specially if he's not a jerk

[Hyper]

Maybe I could go to the homecoming with him?


Well if you like him and if he matures up then go ahead..

All you experienced during that lesson was immaturity at a great display. He just needs to express himself better and have less insecurity so he wouldn't act like an idiot

[AutumnDae]

Thanks guys.

I'm still not sure what I am going to do yet.

I think I was weirded out because we aren't that great of friends, and I didn't think he was like that AT ALL. I was taken off guard. Plus I have some bad experiences.

He's not a jerk at all Gwyn, he's really nice actually.

[byee]

I'm jealous, Autumn.


First, of course it's never Ok to invade someone's personal space, and you handled that well. Here's my take on this:

1) Either he's bustin' you and really doesn't like you at all and really teasing you.

2) He really likes you and doesn't really have the experience to know exactly how to approach you and deal with these feelings.

If it's the latter, I think you might want to continue to gently redirect him and set some boundaries with him, let him know what's OK and not OK rather directly. See how he responds after the initial 'guy thing' fear-of-rejection-thingy passes. See what he's like under all the anxiety. Make your decision based on that, after you get some experience with the 'real' him.

[AutumnDae]

Sam, you know I could never love anyone the way I love you. :P

It's the latter, he told me. I have a seat reserved next to him during CASMA today. He told me so. We have been friends for a while, not close friends, but friends. He's really nice, and the fact that he did what he did just shocked me. I had no clue that he would do something like that. I will set some boundaries today. I am not going through him touching me like that again.