Getting away

[Attax]

Yeah . . . well basically I can't understand myself right now. I am pissed off at my ex, yet I also want her back at the same time, but I have made her mad to the point of where she wont communicate with me. And i thought I liked this other girl but looks like I am screwing that up now!!!

I know this may sound like it goes in relationships but I am having an extreme mental crisis. I can't stand it because I normally have answers to things and I can't stand it when I don't.

And now my mom fails to acknowledge that I am a teenager and have emotions too. She yells at me over the stupidist stuff. Like she just told me to lock the door and I told her I will when I go to bed and she goes 'NOW!!!' I say fine, and go lock it and she won't believe me.

Not only that but at the debate tournament this weekend I am debating in a new style that I never have before and the pressure to get 1st is immense b/c I am 3rd in state in my old style and now I am debating partner with a national qualifier, so we pretty much have to get first.

So not only is my head driving me insane with uncertainty and too much homework I am emotionally unstable which I hate because now I feel like a failure like I am never succesful in relationships (which I'm not), and I feel like there is too much pressure on me to succeed.

I can't do anything right it seems, other than my debate.
Can't please my damn parents
Can't keep a good relationship
Can't Keep up with all this damn homework

Its like I can't wait till I fucking graduate so I can get the hell out of this place! Away from the tears and heartbreak and stress. And it doesn't help that the one person I could always talk to it about won't even listen to me now.

I just want to die right now! I'm not suicidal just a figurative expression. I'm tired of the tears Tired of the emotions, tired of it all. Just need a damn break! And people trying to comfort me who have no idea don't help either!

I'm just sick and tired of al this and just feel like my head and heart are ready to simultaneously combust into flames!

[Avalikia]

I don't know if I know what to say about all of your problems (I don't know where to begin with some of them), but there are a few I'm familiar with because I went through them myself.

First of all, pleasing your parents is impossible for anyone. I mean, my parents are really, really good parents but it's impossible for me too. In the short term you can do things that they like, but nobody will ever be completely happy with you because your human and will always fall short somehow. Instead you need to learn to please yourself by doing and being what you want to do and be. This includes many of the things other people want you to do, but you should be doing them for you and not simply because they want you to do them. For example, you shouldn't do well in school just because your parents want you to; you should do well in school because you want to do well and you know it will benefit you. This is one of the main parts of becoming independant. When you do things for you, you'd prefer it if your actions pleased other people but if they choose to be dissatisfied with you then it doesn't become your problem.

If you're under a lot of stress right now, perhaps now is not a good time to add to it by pursuing relationships (other than friends) in the first place. I mean, some people gain strength and energy when they're in a relationship, while other people use more energy than they gain. I'm not sure which you are, but it sounds like between your ex and the other girl you mentioned it's only serving to complicate your life. I just wanted to point out that if it's all just too much to deal with you could always take a break from girls for awhile, if you think that sounds like a good idea.

[fireice99]

avalikia is right... i also suggest you might focus more on yr debate. transform yr negative energy to a positive one. Spend yr anger, frustration on yr debate. Use it to practise more, come up with better rebuttals, etc.

Pm mua if u like. (: