Wish Me Luck

[justonequestion]

Well, this is the most self centered, self pitying thread ever, so bear with me. I have decided I am going to kill myself. I will make it look like an accident, thinking of accidently running my bike off a nearby bridge. I just.... i couldnt put my family through my death and have them know it was a suicide. It would hurt them so bad, and I dont want to hurt them.
Im killing myself because i am gay. I have no problems with gay people, but... its not what i wanted out of life. So heres the situation im looking at:
If i simply pretend im straight, grow up, get married and have kids, i would be living a lie becuase im not sexually attracted to girls.
If i come out and try living with a man, i would be living a lie because i would resent the fact that i couldnt live a normal life with him.
If i simply never went out into the romantic world at all, it would be a long and miserable life.
I never understood, before, why people commited suicide. but i see now. there is nothing in life for me but misery and longing to live how i want. So thats it. In short, everytthing i ever wanted out of life has been torn away from me and i had no choice in the matter. I never got to even CHOOSE. its soooo weird, its like a great weight hass been lifted from my shoulders, and i feal so peaceful. you probably won't be able to change my mind, knowing that i can end it. you see the world in a deteched sort of way, a waking dream, and its beautiful.
I dont believe in god, and i dont believe in heaven. Im not scared of death, only pain. Hate pain.... the unfortunate thing is, all the ways that i could kill myself and make it seem an accident are so painful... im scared, but... this is what i want. thank you for helping and supporting others.

[Oblivion]

Think about this.
Do you really think your family would rather have you die than be gay?
No
Would you rather die than have a happy life being gay?
You can't choose, so make the best of what you have
You are lucky to have a good life.
Don't ruin it because a small opinion difference.

[byee]

I just hate these threads.

It is selfish kill yourself. Regardless of how you make it look, it's still death, and you'd be taking yourself away from those that love you. I don't think the distinction that it was an 'accident' will be much consolation for the bereaved.

Being gay isn't the end of the world, you are who you are, most progressive, enlightened people don't really care about your sexuality, you'll be judged by the content of your heart, and the quality of your deeds---> what kind of person you are<---not what you do with another consenting adult in the privacy of your own home.

Have some hope, learn to accept yourself. Consider some therapy to deal with these feelings and unwanted thoughts. And remember your sexuality is just a part of who you are. There are other things in there, too. Focus on those, make the best of what you've got and who you are, and give it some time.

[justonequestion]

Thats the thing, though, I couldn't have a happy life ecven being gay! All I've ever wanted is just to be normal, just to be able to grow up like everybody else and not have to deal with these things that feel like they are crushing me. I know my parents would rather have a living gay kid then a dead straight one. this isnt about my parents, this is about me. i told you people this is selfish. im not trying to get back at my pars for doing anything to me,they would accept me no matter what i was. This is about me. i am happier now, knowing that i can die when i want to, then i have been in a very long time. im cheerful, almost. I see my friends making out with their girlfriends, and i dont think, "that could be me if i wasn't gay" i think, "it doesnt matter, let them be happy, i dont need that anymore!"

[Oblivion]

Learn to live with it.
No one is normal.
Everyone has things they don't like about themselves,
But they don't kill themselves about it.
Be proud of your opinion.

Would you really rather be dead, than unhappy until you accept yourself?

[justonequestion]

Whats my opinion? that I'm gay?

[justonequestion]

alright im starting to feel a little hyterical. All the other people, their depression or suicidal thoughts have been built up over time. the only reason i havent killed myself by now is i fear the pain. And to top it all off, instead of being depressed, the day i realized that killing myself was an option was the happiest of my life. But at the same time, its like theres a seperate person in me,, screaming at me telling me to tell someone, tell someone, this is stupid you need to tell someone before you do something stupid. But if i tell someone, that ends my chances of killing myself because then if i were to die shortly after it would seem pretty obviously my own work. The knowlage that i can kill myself is my ace in the hole, its my rock, its all i have! how can i give that up without even knowing if i will ever be happy!? Im happiest now then ive ever been, why not end it while im on top?
Oh god, what is wrong with me?

[Matt_]

I really can't think of anything to say...
But I'd like to know what your age is.

[Oblivion]

Really the best advice i can give you, is to go to a therapist.
You really need to tell someone.
You will regret it if you try.
And if by chance you fail, you will regret trying even more.
There are professionals trained to help you.
Use them.

[Medical Kid]

dont do it! it cant be worth it, the world can be a bad place but do not give up hope! it isnt worth dying, people will accept you if your gay! and you could still adopt kids! see? life is better than you thought it could be.

[Avalikia]

I really identify with what you're saying, actually. I was very suicidal at one point when I was only nine years old and it lasted for about three years. But I'm nineteen now, so obviously I decided not to do it. Why? Initially it was for the same reasons you've given: I was afraid of the pain, I was worried about what my family would think, but nothing too solid.

But gradually I realized that even though the only future I could see was miserable, that I could be wrong. I kept running into people who could describe all sorts of horrible times in their lives but had recovered and were happy people. I kept running into other people who were still struggling through hard things but could also describe other happy moments in their lives. And I couldn't kill myself knowing that I could be wrong when I thought that the rest of my life wouldn't be worth it.

And it turns out, I was wrong. It's been only during the past year or so that things started to really get better, and they got better very quickly. Now I can describe myself as a happy person with a real purpose to my life. Sure there's still a lot of hard things that I'm currently going through and will go through, but the life I lead now is overwhelmingly positive and worthwhile. If I'd only known it was possible for me to come this far I never would have been suicidal in the first place even though the road that took me here was hell. In the end it was worth it because I'm still alive and I learned from it.

[The Air Guitar Man13]

I think we have all suidical times in our lives, i did at one time and i even try ed to hang my self (thank god for poorly made rope) but we all get past it,

[Donkey]

Get help. I don't like council clinics or whatever anymore than the next guy, but they are helpful and you need one.

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=11050

Gay people are accepted these days, no one (apart from the people who don't have lives themselves) is going to stop liking you because of your sexuality. You can live well, you can live.

You have a choice: You can live a life, and choose to have a nice life which you aren't seeming to want to do right now. Or, you can end your life and not have a good life you might not expect. People will miss you, you're not only killing yourself, you're killing them. These are the people who love you, dying would hurt them so much, and its selfish, really.

http://www.soon.org.uk/problems/suicide.htm

Everyone who has tried to commit suicide, and decided not to has been glad they didn't do it. You can be like this too, all you have to do is continue life as you normally would and see how it takes you. You don't need a sexual relationship for a little while yet so just chill. Suicide is no way to go, with all the help and councils that are possible to go to.

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/help_orgs.htm

Don't do it. You're not only letting yourself down, you're letting your parents down. These are the people who cared for you and supported you in every way possible - and how do you plan to repay them? Killing yourself? All they did to bring you up well, and for you to have a nice life killing yourself isn't a very nice thing to do.

Please, for yourself and others don't do it.

[Random_oso06]

dude you should be proud of what you are and don't ever let some ingrate kids opinion effects you whole life