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View Full Version : Parents can be really evil... (a bit of venting)


Picard
October 16th, 2008, 02:53 PM
When I was still in elementary school (I was 13-14 at the time), I found out my father has cheated on my mom. A friend told me. I got suspicious, so I checked out his SMS messages (I know, it's wrong), and found out that it's true. As you can imagine, I've had a dilemma : Do I tell my mother about it, and betray my father, of keep quiet, and betray my mother? I've pondered it for a month or so, and I decided to tell my mother. My father, of course, denied it, and the SMS messages were gone. I felt pretty bad about it, I couldn't stand to see my father or talk to him. Partly because I was afraid of him (but he didn't hurt me), partly because I hated him for lying. Christ, he was married to her for 20 years...
As any kid would, I soon forgot about it. My father was a head of a big company, earning enormous amounts of money (I know that now), but he brought only a portion of that money home. He went on business trips a lot, and didn't come home for days. Finally, one day, we got a phone call. It was my father's 'mistress'. She was apparently sick of waiting for him to leave us, so she called to 'inform us'. My father was with her, but he didn't have the spine to do it himself. (at this point my memory somewhat missing, but I remember some key events). My mother was crying. A lot. I couldn't sleep, and I felt I had to hide from my father (I barely even left the room).
My father lived with us for 3-4 more months, so he could "prepare for his new life". He would drink his wine quietly, and watch TV while my mother cried in the other room. I cried sometimes, but I didn't want them to see. I was pretending to be naive, as if I didn't understand what was going on.
One day, I awoke in the morning to find him gone (along with some stuff that he claimed were his before they married). We had to move to a house my grandparents lived in (his parents) and they moved in our apartment. He somehow managed to cheat us on alimentation. My mother didn't have a job, and he didn't want to provide one for her (he could, as he was the head of a company with 5 000+ employees). My mother managed to pull us out, somehow (she's a great mom, yeah :) )
But the crap just couldn't stop. He did some pretty wrong stuff later. First time I went to see him, his wife was all over him, grabbing his ass & stuff, kissing and moaning. It was disgusting. What kind of moron would do that to his own child? For some reason, I felt I needed to earn his respect and attention, but I always failed. I was always wrong, I was always a bad child, and I've never done anything right. We've received (my mother and I) some disturbing SMS messages and phone calls. Sometimes, I could recognize the voice of my father's wife. He, of course called me a liar. One day, my grandfather (my father's father) started insulting me and my mother, so I punched him. I yelled like hell, insulted them back, and left them crying (may of been wrong of me, but adrenalin is a powerful thing, especially when fueled with anger).
Soon after, I became paranoid and anti-social. I thought I was being followed wherever I go.(maybe I were, I don't know). I became distant to people, and I begun getting into troubles. I took a lot of beating from 'street gangs', I was harassed and chased by some guys for eight months, every day. Eventually, they caught me, pulled out a knife, but as you can see, they didn't kill me. They did beat the cr*p out of me, though.. I didn't really do anything to them, and they even apologized later, but trouble followed me everywhere :)
Then I begun to find things out. My father had 4 mistresses. He even took me on his 'business trip' with him once, and left me with them. A few more incidents happened since, so I decided to put a stop on it. I had a fight with them, and I didn't speak to my father for a few months. Later, he came to me begging and saying that he loves me. I maintained a 'diplomatic relationship' with him, but I told him that I NEVER want to see his wife again. But it's a small city we live in... For some reason, I was a bit afraid of his wife, even of seeing their child. They tried to make me 'love the kid', and called him my brother. I felt offended by that. What would my mother think of me? I know it's not the poor kid's fault, but I just can't stand anything that is even remotely related to her...
A lot of time has passed. I went to see a professional about some problems I have (you might have read about one of them in my other thread...). I decided to go out more. I found a girlfriend, we have a 10 months long relationship. But I've wasted a few years on my life. Thanks a lot, father...

PS : Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my native language. Also, sorry if this text bored you :) I just needed to get it out of me...

EDIT : I would be grateful if a mod could move this thread to a proper forum. I have accidentally placed it here. Sorry :P

Donkey
October 16th, 2008, 03:20 PM
Very touching story. It's good you let it out.

I wouldn't suggest seeing your father or his wife(s?). They're obviously not very nice people, and they might even want something out of you seeing as they were never nice to you before and now they have seen you.

You deserve a good life, and your mother is the most important person in your life at the moment, she has stuck with you all this time and helped you. Cherish her; I lost my mother a year ago.

Picard
October 16th, 2008, 04:09 PM
Very touching story. It's good you let it out.

I wouldn't suggest seeing your father or his wife(s?). They're obviously not very nice people, and they might even want something out of you seeing as they were never nice to you before and now they have seen you.

You deserve a good life, and your mother is the most important person in your life at the moment, she has stuck with you all this time and helped you. Cherish her; I lost my mother a year ago.

You're absolutely right.
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my mother :(

Zephyr
October 17th, 2008, 12:21 PM
Teen Sexuality -----> Family and Friends

Camazotz
October 17th, 2008, 02:52 PM
Wow. You sound pretty strong and comfortable considering such a terrible past. Way to stay strong. Your father is a terrible man and a disgrace to human-kind.

Picard
November 18th, 2008, 03:52 PM
I'm not nearly as strong as I (might) seem. In fact, I'm afraid of people, easy to hurt, and pretty unstable. I pretend to be stronger than I really am, and I am really much more hurt and damaged then I'd like to admit (except here, where I'm hidden under a false name :whoops: ). My worst mistake was keeping it all in, pretending to be OK. It worked for a while, but now it wants to come out, and it's not coming out smoothly...

Sometimes I get so nervous for no apparent reason, that I literally can't sleep, eat or function in any other way. Then I hurt someone (no, not physically) I really care about in a blind burst of rage. Like my girlfriend, a few days ago. Luckily, she forgave me, but I will never forgive myself for making her cry.

Then I get all paranoid. I am suspicious of everyone, and I think everyone is working behind my back. I can't even enjoy hanging out with my friends or my girl in that state.

As days go by, I'm catching myself becoming full of hate. I desperately try to control that, but it doesn't always work.

I think that everything that happens to me is a punishment for something I did wrong in the past. So, I try to live my life around rules I haven't really defined yet. People are starting to notice that my hands are shaking like hell, and that I can barely breathe if there are many unknown people around me.

I am a bit ashamed of myself. I know a lot of people with divorced parents, and none of them are affected the way I am. So, you see, I'm not strong, I am in fact weak...

zoig
November 25th, 2008, 10:18 PM
Picard, Hi dude.

Talking and thinking things through with a support group (and sometimes forums can qualify for this) is a really good way of getting things out of your system and sorting your life out, just be carefull as not everyone on forums is genuinely out to help people and the trolls tend to get off on causing more problems esp if it manages to creep IRL (been there, done that go the T-shirt and a few broken frindships to prove it) so keeping a false ID is always a good idea :D
Can you please give an indication into what sort of timescales we are talking about here as you mentioned that he lived with your for several months after he was outted but how long ago did he actually move out. (looking at that if he has got another kid then it's 1 year plus by the sounds of it).

Don't be ashamed of what you have done, it sounds like you really have been put through the wringer a few times, the shame lies with your farther and his actions, he made this mess not you!
Don't be angry, and try not to be so paranoid, it sounds like your GF understads what you have gone through and is really supportive of you, I have found if you have hurt someone it's good to treat you both to something nice or a night out to repent your ways and it's a good way of learning to forgive yourself (but it's MUCH better not to hurt someone in the first place).
Is there no govement body to force the alimentation issue (in the UK until recently had a wondefully inept gov body called the CPS that was charted to obtain funds from absent farthers, I think it's been disbanded now but I have no idea what's replaced it) and surely if your mother has devorced him for being unfaithfull she is entitled (what sounds like a fairly heafty) settlement?
You might not like it but the kid really *IS* your half brother, not sure what you can do to deal with that other then ignore his existance, it's not really his fault he's come from that bloodstock but I would lay bets on his upbringing will be "interesting".
I wish you all the best and hope you get support to get your life back on track.

Duhya
November 26th, 2008, 04:53 PM
My dad left me a few years ago and i f*cking hate him. I dont feel like writing anything long so i just wanted to tell you that ur not the only person going through this. Sometimes he sends me letters, but i ignore them and put them in my "treasure box" (where i keep memories and stuff). he recently sent me 200 dollars American (which is 230 Canadian for me) so i spent it all and i feel bad that he sent me all that and im still ignoring him. I dont want to see him ever again.

Picard
November 27th, 2008, 05:36 PM
@zoig : Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure when he left (I have some memory problems regarding that :) ) but it must be 2-3 years +...

@Duhya : Yes, I know what you mean. When I had a fight with my father, I didn't want to see him at all. He came to my house one day, totally unannounced, and brought me a 400euro cellphone. It made feel bad about not wanting to talk to him. I know he just wanted to buy me off, but I still felt sorry... Maybe one day you'll want to see him, maybe not. I wish you good luck, whatever you choose.

Hyper
November 27th, 2008, 11:54 PM
@zoig : Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure when he left (I have some memory problems regarding that :) ) but it must be 2-3 years +...

@Duhya : Yes, I know what you mean. When I had a fight with my father, I didn't want to see him at all. He came to my house one day, totally unannounced, and brought me a 400euro cellphone. It made feel bad about not wanting to talk to him. I know he just wanted to buy me off, but I still felt sorry... Maybe one day you'll want to see him, maybe not. I wish you good luck, whatever you choose.

Well even if he did want to buy you off it shows he cares a little :P