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CrazyBeautiful69
November 18th, 2005, 08:22 PM
hey, heres another, wrote it right now. Every "someone" in this poem is talking about someone I know, or someone I knew, Let me know what you think please..

Our World
I am 17 now,
and theres one thing I do know.
I'll never be truly happy,
until It's my time to go.

This world is just a circle,
of pain, of hurt and lies,
and no matter what we think,
This world will always cry.

Someone out there said something,
they never should of said.
And someone else just gave up on life,
with a bullet to his head.

Someone out there's crying,
while anothers getting high,
so he can numb his surroundings,
and watch this world go by.

Someone out there's screaming,
but not making any sounds,
A little girl went missing,
never to be found.

A girl out there was raped last night,
and to ashamed to tell her friends,
A boy out there just took a shot,
one more drink could mean the end.

a 15 year old somewhere,
just found out he's a dad,
and now he has to live with wondering,
about a life he can never have.

And to think that not to long ago,
I was a 7 year old girl,
believing I was living,
In a great big perfect world.

I am 17 now,
and there's one thing I do know,
I will be the happiest,
when It's my time to go.
-CrazyBeautiful69

Whisper
November 19th, 2005, 07:24 AM
its beautiful...

Jazbo
November 19th, 2005, 04:04 PM
I would critique it, but I am not sure if you want to hear actually poetic critique or if you just want someone to tell you "its great".

CrazyBeautiful69
November 19th, 2005, 05:07 PM
I don't want you to lie to me If thats what you mean. I'm not a poet, I just write how I feel so that I can get things out that are bugging me. I don't expect anyone to tell me "It's great", All those things are just the way my life is, things Iv'e witnessed in myself or things I've witnessed from friends, your opinion Is your opinion. If you don't think "It's great" that's fine...

Whisper
November 19th, 2005, 05:55 PM
Well I really do like it!!

I think it's very good

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"Jazbo" lets see you do better? hmm