Confused,MAd And embarrased

[michael123]

well....im 15 turning 16 in 3 months and confused about my sexuality because emocionally i like gurls and also physically a little, but guys i like them physicaly (would see or like my self with a boyfriend) and just keep watching gay porn...im a virgin with both guys and girls but i keep having the opportunity to have sex with a girl and i dont do it because i get extremely nervous about if im going to get hard or not...im i supposed 2 get hard with a gurl by giving them oral sex touching them or seeing her naked?? i wouldnt like them 2 pull my pants down with no boner....is this normal im i straight, bi or wat??? please help:(

[pontiacdriver]

No one can say with certainty as to what your sexual orientation is without getting into your head, but based upon your description above my guess is that you might be bi-sexual in that you are both into girls and guys. Only time will tell as to what your actual sexual orientation will be, and if over time you find yourself more attracted to one sex over the other, then you will either be heterosexual or homosexual. Be honest with yourself and your feelings, and don't overthink how you feel. My guess is that if you can only get hard to the male body and get really to the male physique but cannot get the same response from the female body, then there is a chance that you are leaning more towards being gay. Sexuality is a super complicated thing, and perhaps you might want to check out some books at your local library on human sexuality so that you can get a better idea of what is going through your mind and what is involved with your feelings? It is all right to be confused, and my suggestion is that if you are close to your parents or siblings you can talk out your feelings to them. If doing so is too hard, then I would look up your school counselor and talk with him/her in private as it is clear that you need to vent to someone responsible. I just would not bring up this issue with your friends at this point unless if they are really mature and understanding.

As for having sex, sexual intercourse is a physical manifestation of the strong emotional and mental links between two people. The fact that you are so nervous about messing up with your girlfriend means that it still might be too soon for you to have sex. The way you know that you are ready for sex is that when you and your partner are so comfortable with each other that your fears of sharing your body are really low. It is all right to be somewhat nervous for your first time, but if you are to the point of where you are dreading what will happen with your partner, then you need to hold off a bit. First times usually are not that great with which to begin, but the way things can go reasonably smooth is if you get to know your partner's body and he/she gets to know yours. Finally, before you engage in sex make sure that you and your partner have the following:

1) protection (condoms for a guy and birth control for a girl)
2) that you understand your partner's cycles (if your partner is a girl) and know when she is at greatest risk to become pregnant
3) know where your girlfriend can go for emergency contraception if things go wrong
4) if your partner is not a virgin that you make sure that he/she is clean STD wise

I hope that things work out for you, and remember that confusion is a normal part of puberty and that sexual activity falls into the optional category and that you don't need to do it to have a meaningful relationship with someone.

[michael123]

ThanX i aprecciate ur help...& in the parenthesis i meant to say (would NOT see or like to see my self with a boyfriend) maybe that makes a difference & sorry 4 saying it now

[byee]

No one can say with certainty as to what your sexual orientation is without getting into your head, but based upon your description above my guess is that you might be bi-sexual in that you are both into girls and guys. Only time will tell as to what your actual sexual orientation will be, and if over time you find yourself more attracted to one sex over the other, then you will either be heterosexual or homosexual. Be honest with yourself and your feelings, and don't overthink how you feel. My guess is that if you can only get hard to the male body and get really to the male physique but cannot get the same response from the female body, then there is a chance that you are leaning more towards being gay. Sexuality is a super complicated thing, and perhaps you might want to check out some books at your local library on human sexuality so that you can get a better idea of what is going through your mind and what is involved with your feelings? It is all right to be confused, and my suggestion is that if you are close to your parents or siblings you can talk out your feelings to them. If doing so is too hard, then I would look up your school counselor and talk with him/her in private as it is clear that you need to vent to someone responsible. I just would not bring up this issue with your friends at this point unless if they are really mature and understanding.

As for having sex, sexual intercourse is a physical manifestation of the strong emotional and mental links between two people. The fact that you are so nervous about messing up with your girlfriend means that it still might be too soon for you to have sex. The way you know that you are ready for sex is that when you and your partner are so comfortable with each other that your fears of sharing your body are really low. It is all right to be somewhat nervous for your first time, but if you are to the point of where you are dreading what will happen with your partner, then you need to hold off a bit. First times usually are not that great with which to begin, but the way things can go reasonably smooth is if you get to know your partner's body and he/she gets to know yours. Finally, before you engage in sex make sure that you and your partner have the following:

1) protection (condoms for a guy and birth control for a girl)
2) that you understand your partner's cycles (if your partner is a girl) and know when she is at greatest risk to become pregnant
3) know where your girlfriend can go for emergency contraception if things go wrong
4) if your partner is not a virgin that you make sure that he/she is clean STD wise

I hope that things work out for you, and remember that confusion is a normal part of puberty and that sexual activity falls into the optional category and that you don't need to do it to have a meaningful relationship with someone.


Once again, I have to disagree here. Well spoken, but misinformed. What you're experiencing is likely the result of your relative lack of experience with relationships (of both genders), rather than your 'might being bi sexual'. For you to determine whatever your gender identification/sexuality is, you have to have experience with relationships--> people, not porn or fantasy. It needs to be real, not imagined. In the absence of that experience, the safest (and perhaps most accurate) thing to say 'without getting into your head' is that puberty is a time when there are a lot of very powerful feelings and urges, some which donlt make a lot of sense. And that the best way to make sense of them is to give it some time and to put yourself out there and see what it all feels like.

[Antares]

I don't agree with having to disagree. THere is a strong possibility that he is bi sexual. There is also a possibility that he is not. Sure experiences are different between porn and reality but still, porn is basically the same thing just all visual so I understand what you are saying Sam but Pontiac I understand why you think he may be bi sexual because I agree with that. Id on't think any misinformaiton has occured here.

[byee]

The 'misinformation' is to assume that there's a 'strong' possibility of being bisexual here. Something as complicated as sexuality cannot, and should not, be 'assumed' based on just arousal (esp. when it's just porn), and esp. when it's during puberty, and esp. based on an online self description to individuals no matter how well intentioned, remain unqualified to determine these things.

[djvous]

Arousal is a mere 3/10ths of sex, chances are you could get aroused over anything if your brain registered sexual contact, or hey, you could always just eat this chemical or something or other, its supposed to arouse you

[MrPinnick17]

My advice would be not to have sex yet, it would only over complicate things, although sitting around and doing nothing doesn't help either.

It's a hard read, and I don't want to call anyone out but no book in any library will tell you if you are gay, straight or whatever. It's not a fun road and my best advice would be just to let your life unfold as it naturally is going to. I'm not going to say your too young to worry about it, becuase your not but at the same time what will worrying do?

I just felt like I worried too much, and still I don't know what to do. I kind of just don't worry about it, which may or may not work for you.

As for your opportunity, to be as discreet as possible on this forum I just say, think about whatever does, and go from there.

[pontiacdriver]

ThanX i aprecciate ur help...& in the parenthesis i meant to say (would NOT see or like to see my self with a boyfriend) maybe that makes a difference & sorry 4 saying it now

In light of you NOT wanting to see yourself with a boyfriend that is definitely going to alter how I view you situation. My view is that in order to be gay or bi-sexual that you have to BOTH desire an emotional and physical relationship with someone of the same sex or your having the ability to have such relations with either sex. My guess as to why you might find other male bodies attractive is that in light of your most likely still developing you want your body to have certain features that you find attractive. For example, if you really like hairy legs, big chests, facial hair, etc., then when you see such features on other guys you may look at them wishing them on yourself as opposed to wanting to engage in some sort of a relationship with the guy. Perhaps your viewing of gay porn is to look at developed guys and to judge your development in relation to them as straight porn is probably not going to put as much emphasis on the naked male body as its gay counterpart. My view is that you are probably more likely straight, but you appreciate beauty in both sexes which is definitely not a cause for concern or a bad thing.

There is no right or wrong answer for your situation, and the most any of us can do is to talk about our experiences in the hopes that it can provide you with some clarity for your own confusion.

[Ceaser]

well you have 3 choices
-straight
-Bi
-Gay
just follow your heart

[Gumleaf]

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