Confused..

[Justwondering]

Ive been really confused about my sexuality for.. well.. for about six years. For those people who dont know me, Im male, 15 (16 on October 30th :)), Grade 11, and live in Ontario. Where to start... Well I met my friend in grade 5 and we have been inseparable from there on in (Besides those little foolish, immature fights). Ive chose him over girlfriends, friends, and much more. So around May 8-11 (I think the eleventh) we had our first sexual encounter. These encounters stopped around June. Ever since, I can't get my mind off of him. Before I was attached to him because we were best friends, But now im attached to him because those sexual encounters just brought us closer. Its been about 5 months now and nothing has happened, well that is except for last night :). We were at my camp and it was only us in the bedroom (Im sure you can put together the rest of the story). After that we just went to bed and woke up today like normal, ate breakfast, went four-wheeling, drove the truck back to our town, etc...

So really what im confused about is, Am I Bi-Sexual, Bi, or what. He is the only male I've really been attracted to and the only male I've done stuff with.

And

I thought he didnt want to do anything anymore since it had been 5 months, But his recent actions are confusing me :|.

P.S.- We've only J/Oed and Oral.

[pontiacdriver]

It is super hard to tell with clarity as to what exactly you are as none of us can get into your mind. However, based upon the information that you had supplied above my guess is that you are bi-sexual at the very least and gay at the very most. The reason why I make such a statement is that you clearly are very attached to your friend, and it seems like you have chosen him over girlfriends due to some strong attraction between you both. It seems like you genuinely love your friend on both an emotional and physical level which makes me think that you two are a bit more than best friends. However, with your also liking girls enough to go out with them there is definitely a side to you that is heterosexual in that you can also see yourself emotionally connected with someone of the opposite sex.

A litmus test about one's sexuality can be found when a person first hits puberty. When you first started masturbating if you could only orgasm to images of men, then there is a chance you can be gay. If you can masturbate without any problems to images of men or women, then you are most likely bi. Obviously, if you can only get off to thoughts of women, then you are pretty much straight.

As for the situation with your friend, you are going to have to handle things carefully especially if he has not come to terms with his feelings towards you. He might just view your sexual activities as fun especially if he has not done strong actions like you in the past such as choosing you over a girlfriend. If you want to stay friends with this guy and be like a brother to him, then take sex out of the equation. However, if you both accept the fact that you are at least bi-sexual, then you need to recognize reality that you both are partners. You need to ask your friend directly where you both stand with one another.

[Justwondering]

Wow! Thank you very much for such a quick, precise response :). So my questions to your answers are, How do I directly ask him where we both stand with one another(What should I ask) and When? Like just a normal time we hang out or like when we are doing stuff (like J/oing or w.e)

[rsc4life]

Well, honestly, it sounds as if you are both emotionally and physically attracted to this person. Sounds like you could be bi.

But it just depends, also, this could just be a strange circumstance, as you have been friends for a long time. Seems like you are bi, but then again, if you have no other physical/emotional attraction to guys, you definitely aren't.

[pontiacdriver]

Wow! Thank you very much for such a quick, precise response :). So my questions to your answers are, How do I directly ask him where we both stand with one another(What should I ask) and When? Like just a normal time we hang out or like when we are doing stuff (like J/oing or w.e)

I would say the ideal time that you ask him where you both stand is when you two are alone and are in a somewhat serious mood. I would definitely ask him this question when you both are in a private place as you don't want to have such a discussion at your local McDonald's or Hardee's. Basically, what you have told us you need to tell your friend. However, you need to prepare yourself for the worst, and if your friend really does not want to be anything more than friends, then accept that fact. The danger with experimentation is that one person could simply view the activites as cheap thrills while the other person might develop a genuine emotional attachment. Remember, if your friend wants to keep things platonic it is not a rejection of you as a person.

[Justwondering]

Just knowing him for him, I couldn't just come out and ask him. One because I dont know what to ask him, and two because his mood/preference changes frequently (One day he'l be like, why are you acting so gay, and another day/night he'll want to do stuff). But if I told him and he rejected me and didnt want to be my friend or speak to anymore I would be broken.. Like to be honest, I couldnt live without him.

[pontiacdriver]

Just knowing him for him, I couldn't just come out and ask him. One because I dont know what to ask him, and two because his mood/preference changes frequently (One day he'l be like, why are you acting so gay, and another day/night he'll want to do stuff). But if I told him and he rejected me and didnt want to be my friend or speak to anymore I would be broken.. Like to be honest, I couldnt live without him.

You know your friend best, and I would gradually bring up this topic. I would say that when you both are doing sexual things you might want to allude to your feelings and see if he responds. The fact remains that for 6 years you have had feelings for this guy, and you need to know one way or anothe where you stand with him. It is not right that he uses you as some sort of plaything and does not take your feelings into account. If this guy is a true friend, then he will hear you out and recognize your feelings.

Again, if things go downhill, then make plans on what to do for the worst case. Hopefully, you have other friends with whom you can hang out while things are not going well between you and this kid. Also, staying tight with your family is absolutely critical in dealing with any negative issues. Sooner or later your feelings towards this guy is going to have to come to fore, and you deserve to know where you stand. Also, you need to be honest with yourself as to what you really are. My guess is even if things go badly at first such an event is going to affect your friend to the core, and he might just need time to address his own feelings. Chances are he probably has not seriously thought about what you two do with one another as deeply as you have. There is a chance he does not know how strongly you feel, and you both cannot continue dancing around your feelings indefinitely.

Basically, by preparing yourself for the worst you need to develop an airtight support structure whether that is your parents, sibings, cousins, other friends, grandparents, etc. Also, realize that your friend might honestly be confused about his own feelings and that anger that he feels might be really against himself for not knowing what he is though he might vent on you.

[byee]

I think you're asking 2 q's here: 1) is a personal one about your sexuality, and 2) is what to do specifically about this friend.

First, I'll agree that only you know your own sexuality. However, it is incorrect to conclude that one's choice of masturbatory material has any influence or predictive value in determining one's sexuality. Everything during puberty is arousing, and same sex images are arousing for many reasons, not the least being that penises are by their very nature sexual, and therefore arousing. Masturbating to gay images doesn't make you gay, it doesn't mean you're gay, it necesarily doesn't mean much of anything. 50% of all guys have some sexual experience to orgasm with another guy, yet we know that 50% of all guys donlt turn out to be gay. There's a lot of same sex behavior (and feelings) that are really 'normal' (as in typical)

I think there's a gradual awareness thru puberty about who we are, it becomes clearer as we get older. Part of that process is a trial and error one, by getting involved with many people it becomes clearer how we see ourselves and how we see others, and how we need them. It becomes cleaer what's merely arousing and what we're really drawn to, emotionally.

At 15, I don't doubt the power of this relationship for you. However, you didn't speak of any other relationships, with boys or girls, that would give you added info, data, about those issues that would really help you determine what all this means for you. I'd encourage you to get that data, get more experience with both genders to really see what it feels like and what comes up inside for you. That will give you the answers you seek.

With regard to what to do with this friend, it doesn't sound like you feel comfortable enough actually discussing your feelings about him, and personally, i'd recommend you therefore listen to yourself here and keep this to yourself. The goal here really isn't to self disclose something with unknown effects, but rather to clarify for yourself whats going on inside for you. You do not need to risk an otherwise good friendship in order to do that piece of work.

Get more data.

[tezohn]

just because you have had these sexual encounters with your male friends does not even necessarily mean your bi-sexual. seeing how he is the only one you are attracted to, you may just be experimenting and because he is activley in your life you feel the urge to do this often. the Question i would ask is if he wasnt in your life would you still be sexuall attracted to boys?

[Justwondering]

You know your friend best, and I would gradually bring up this topic. I would say that when you both are doing sexual things you might want to allude to your feelings and see if he responds. The fact remains that for 6 years you have had feelings for this guy, and you need to know one way or anothe where you stand with him. It is not right that he uses you as some sort of plaything and does not take your feelings into account. If this guy is a true friend, then he will hear you out and recognize your feelings.

Again, if things go downhill, then make plans on what to do for the worst case. Hopefully, you have other friends with whom you can hang out while things are not going well between you and this kid. Also, staying tight with your family is absolutely critical in dealing with any negative issues. Sooner or later your feelings towards this guy is going to have to come to fore, and you deserve to know where you stand. Also, you need to be honest with yourself as to what you really are. My guess is even if things go badly at first such an event is going to affect your friend to the core, and he might just need time to address his own feelings. Chances are he probably has not seriously thought about what you two do with one another as deeply as you have. There is a chance he does not know how strongly you feel, and you both cannot continue dancing around your feelings indefinitely.

Basically, by preparing yourself for the worst you need to develop an airtight support structure whether that is your parents, sibings, cousins, other friends, grandparents, etc. Also, realize that your friend might honestly be confused about his own feelings and that anger that he feels might be really against himself for not knowing what he is though he might vent on you.

Thank you once again for your answers on this thread. I plan on telling him tonight or tomarrow since I've already set it all up. I'll post how it goes when it happens :).

I think you're asking 2 q's here: 1) is a personal one about your sexuality, and 2) is what to do specifically about this friend.

First, I'll agree that only you know your own sexuality. However, it is incorrect to conclude that one's choice of masturbatory material has any influence or predictive value in determining one's sexuality. Everything during puberty is arousing, and same sex images are arousing for many reasons, not the least being that penises are by their very nature sexual, and therefore arousing. Masturbating to gay images doesn't make you gay, it doesn't mean you're gay, it necesarily doesn't mean much of anything. 50% of all guys have some sexual experience to orgasm with another guy, yet we know that 50% of all guys donlt turn out to be gay. There's a lot of same sex behavior (and feelings) that are really 'normal' (as in typical)

I think there's a gradual awareness thru puberty about who we are, it becomes clearer as we get older. Part of that process is a trial and error one, by getting involved with many people it becomes clearer how we see ourselves and how we see others, and how we need them. It becomes cleaer what's merely arousing and what we're really drawn to, emotionally.

At 15, I don't doubt the power of this relationship for you. However, you didn't speak of any other relationships, with boys or girls, that would give you added info, data, about those issues that would really help you determine what all this means for you. I'd encourage you to get that data, get more experience with both genders to really see what it feels like and what comes up inside for you. That will give you the answers you seek.

With regard to what to do with this friend, it doesn't sound like you feel comfortable enough actually discussing your feelings about him, and personally, i'd recommend you therefore listen to yourself here and keep this to yourself. The goal here really isn't to self disclose something with unknown effects, but rather to clarify for yourself whats going on inside for you. You do not need to risk an otherwise good friendship in order to do that piece of work.

Get more data.

Thanks, Although your advice was helpful I think im going to tell him to just so he knows, and how I feel. I'll update this thread with the info if you want to know what happens.

just because you have had these sexual encounters with your male friends does not even necessarily mean your bi-sexual. seeing how he is the only one you are attracted to, you may just be experimenting and because he is activley in your life you feel the urge to do this often. the Question i would ask is if he wasnt in your life would you still be sexuall attracted to boys?

Thanks for your resond to my post. Uhm if he wasnt in my life, I would still think some boys are "cute" or "hot" but not enough to act on it, just to be like, "I guess he's cute" or whatever.

Well now down to business :P. Tonight me and my friend were chatting via txt msg and we got on the conversation of sexuality and I told him I need to talk to him next time we need to hang out. So when that time comes I'll post/update this thread to let everyone know what happens.

[pontiacdriver]

Good luck, and don't worry if things don't work out as you seem like a good guy.

[Justwondering]

Update: He got talking and he told me he thinks im gay. I haven't even told him anything yet and things are going bad.. It went a little something like this...

Me: Are you coming over, Because I sorta wanted to know why you think im gay plus I need to tell you something

Him: Everybody thinks your gay

Me: So everyone thinks im gay, that means you do to?

Him: Honestly, Im not talking about this. Peace.

Me: Why not? And pce I guess

So really, I wanted him to come over so we could hang out and just chill and I could tell him how I really felt, But I didnt even get to that...

[pontiacdriver]

Update: He got talking and he told me he thinks im gay. I haven't even told him anything yet and things are going bad.. It went a little something like this...

Me: Are you coming over, Because I sorta wanted to know why you think im gay plus I need to tell you something

Him: Everybody thinks you gay

Me: So everyone thinks im gay, that means you do to?

Him: Honestly, Im not talking about this. Peace.

Me: Why not? And pce I guess

So really, I wanted him to come over so we could hang out and just chill and I could tell him how I really felt, But I didnt even get to that...

I am sorry that things did not seem to work out, and don't worry about his words. Being gay is not a bad thing as it is a normal form of sexuality no different than heterosexuality. My guess that the reason why your friend was being so harsh was he is confused about his own sexuality and probably felt by putting you down that he could somehow justify the behaviour that he has done with you over time.

I would say that you should avoid doing anything sexual with this guy in the future as it is clear that he most likely does not want to have anything beyond a friendship with you. There is no sense in letting your body be used by someone who has no interest in reciprocating your feelings, and you two will just have to be platonic friends. Hopefully, you two can still be friends even without any physical contact.

Again, it is all right to feel down and sad about your situation, but just know that in a way you do know where your friend stands about having a relationship instead of things being ambiguous. You might want to hang out with other friends for a little while until things cool down a bit, and just know that if you are indeed gay that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and that you are totally normal in everyway.