xGreenling
October 9th, 2008, 04:20 PM
I'm transgendered. Female-to-male. Nice to meet y'all. *waves*
Not sure if this belongs in the mental crisis forum - I'm going out of my head, here... Or the eating disorders, cutting, or depression forums - significant bleed-over. But I'm posting it here because as far as I can see, the main thing here is that I'm trans.
I go to this rich-kid boarding school in Scotland, which rocks approximately 60% of the time, and is completely forking UNBEARABLE the other 40%. You know, rich kids and pampered princesses, boarding school mores and strict rules... Long story short, I've gone from being a cocky, self-assured, leader-of-the-pack rocker-nerd to... mousy. Quiet. Boring. That girl at the back of the class with the lank mousy hair and the slightly-above-average test scores. Horn-rimmed glasses and everything.
And this is the story of my life. Boy-me is gregarious, he's funny, likeable. He's a blaze of colour, a loveable vagabond, a cockeyed optimist underneath a layer of caustic sarcasm. Girl-me spends too much time on the computer, doesn't like the way she looks, and avoids excess social interaction. She hides away and hopes nobody will pay attention to her.
I feel like I've lost myself, and that spirals downward. I look in the mirror at my figure in a skirt, then I see my hips and can't stop seeing them - I hate the way my thighs curve, the way I have body fat... and there we are into the eating disorders and body dysmorphia. Which only makes me short and stunted and screws up my metabolism, making things worse overall.
Compounding things, people have basically told me in no uncertain terms, that I must shave, and this means that, against my will and better judgement, I am now in possession of a razor. Given that I have no concept of using this for grooming, and a long history of depression... this can't end well.
I'm sorry, this is long and rambling and semi-on-topic and makes no sense. I guess... I just want someone to acknowledge me, and that's not happening here (won't even sell me trousers!) so I'm spending too much time on the computer and avoiding social interaction in the hopes that maybe someone online will... well, it sounds cheap, but I guess I really do just want attention.
I'll shut up now.
Not sure if this belongs in the mental crisis forum - I'm going out of my head, here... Or the eating disorders, cutting, or depression forums - significant bleed-over. But I'm posting it here because as far as I can see, the main thing here is that I'm trans.
I go to this rich-kid boarding school in Scotland, which rocks approximately 60% of the time, and is completely forking UNBEARABLE the other 40%. You know, rich kids and pampered princesses, boarding school mores and strict rules... Long story short, I've gone from being a cocky, self-assured, leader-of-the-pack rocker-nerd to... mousy. Quiet. Boring. That girl at the back of the class with the lank mousy hair and the slightly-above-average test scores. Horn-rimmed glasses and everything.
And this is the story of my life. Boy-me is gregarious, he's funny, likeable. He's a blaze of colour, a loveable vagabond, a cockeyed optimist underneath a layer of caustic sarcasm. Girl-me spends too much time on the computer, doesn't like the way she looks, and avoids excess social interaction. She hides away and hopes nobody will pay attention to her.
I feel like I've lost myself, and that spirals downward. I look in the mirror at my figure in a skirt, then I see my hips and can't stop seeing them - I hate the way my thighs curve, the way I have body fat... and there we are into the eating disorders and body dysmorphia. Which only makes me short and stunted and screws up my metabolism, making things worse overall.
Compounding things, people have basically told me in no uncertain terms, that I must shave, and this means that, against my will and better judgement, I am now in possession of a razor. Given that I have no concept of using this for grooming, and a long history of depression... this can't end well.
I'm sorry, this is long and rambling and semi-on-topic and makes no sense. I guess... I just want someone to acknowledge me, and that's not happening here (won't even sell me trousers!) so I'm spending too much time on the computer and avoiding social interaction in the hopes that maybe someone online will... well, it sounds cheap, but I guess I really do just want attention.
I'll shut up now.