I have an irrational fear of becoming gay

[Picard]

It all started when I was thinking about homosexual people in general, how they have to cope with cruelty wherever they go (especially here in east Europe), how they have to live with a constant pressure and tension.
Since then, I have been worrying that I am becoming gay. My mind (actually, a voice that lives deep within, and just won't shut up) has been telling me that I'm actually gay, just don't know it yet. At first, this didn't bother me too much : that voice used to bother me before. However, I was becoming more and more upset because of it. It usually bugged me when I go to sleep (and remain alone with myself), but recently it has invaded my daytime as well. It's a constant fear, with that bad feeling in my stomach (like when you know you're about to get beaten). I'm so nervous I can't even eat (I'm feel sick), and I can't sleep well... I'm basically afraid of going to sleep, so I have to exhaust myself in order to sleep. Today I barely managed not to break down...

I'm not attracted to men, and I'm certain I'm not gay, however, I have those disturbing doubts. I have a wonderful relationship with a girl (10 months together) and I have a good love and sex life with her. However, I'm somehow convincing myself that I didn't really enjoy sex with her.

I have nothing against gay men, but I don't want to be gay... I know I wouldn't have the strength to live under so much pressure. I also wouldn't want to break this great relationship I have.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone (I sure don't want to), but I really need help/reassurance : am I truly becoming gay? Or am I just caught in a crossfire of my hormones..?

[Malcolm Tucker]

Mental Crisis :arrow: Teen Sexuality

[rsc4life]

No, your not becoming gay. Hormones is what it is. If you aren't physical or mental or both, you are not gay/bi.

[Triceratops]

Even if you were gay, there's nothing to be ashamed of!
Relationships are about love, not gender.

[ssgliberty]

its most likely you hormones but even if u where gay or bi you wouldn't have to tell any body (yet) and its no big deal

[george]

I'd say this is a combination of just hormones and doubt.

You need to just sit down one day (or lay down in your bed) and really just ask yourself if your gay or not and find evidence. Remember that to be gay, you must be emotionally and physically attracted to men.

Are you any one of those 2? If your not then I would say that you have nothing to worry about, if your maybe one of those two, you could just be bi-curious, which a lot of teens during puberty are but then they grow out of it later.

[Picard]

Thank you for putting my mind to ease (somewhat). I've been home alone for 5 days now, which was never a problem before, but now, I'm just scared of being alone with myself, and those thoughts...
I've looked into the subject a bit more, and it appears I'm homophobic. I have the fear that I'm becoming gay, and I don't want that. I've been torturing myself enough (I'm shaking, sweating, my heart is going crazy, I can't sleep, eat or concentrate), so I decided to get professional help about that. This won't be my first session with a psychiatrist (I've been seeing her about some troubles regarding my family's brakedown, etc), so I hope I will get better, and get back to my life...

I don't want any homosexual person to feel offended by this, on a positive side, this has caused me to understand them, and the troubles they have to face (at least a bit).

[byee]

I don't think you're offending anyone here, no worries. I think you're concerned more about being victimized and abused, legit worries about the discrimination that gays endure, maybe moreso in your culture.

Homosexuality doesn't come from a 'little voice' inside you, those represent self doubts rather than real awareness, nor does it come from a heightened sense of persecution or vulnerability. Those are seperate issues which are getting mixed up with your sexuality. Maybe there are other things you've experienced in your life that have sensitized you to those issues, being vulnerable and having general self doubts.

It's good that you're going to talk with your psychiatrist about these things, hopefully you'll get the clarification and reassurance you need to feel better and understand where these feelings are coming from and address them more directly. Often we misjudge where our feelings are actually coming from and what they mean.

[Trickster]

You didnt offened anyone because your saying you dont want to be and you have nothing against gay people. You just saying you dont mind gay people but you dont wanna be one. Thats great actually that u dont hate or despise gay people anyway back to subject,

I think your hormones are just acting up and well like the study says not one person is 100% straight. But i dont think your gay. What you need to do is slow down. Wait until your home alone, have a nice drink of juice or coffee (what ever slows yuo down, it different for alot of people) then sit or pace and think. Question first is do you think you are or is some phobia emerging. All teens are crazy and im a big example =3. Puberty might be hitting you with a shot-gun. Fast and powerful, So think then about "What would happen if i was" then think " Am i really attracted to my gf" in my personal opinion i think if you stayed with a girl that long you might not be gay. but i digress.

Its nothing to fear and nothing to interuppt your life. Its just puberty hates us is all and wants our lives a living hell. Overall: Stop, slow down, get in a comfortable area, think and think.

[Zan0ra]

Dude your probably not gay...Hormones are a big thing and can turn you into something that you don't want to be if you give into it. My brain also has a strange way of telling my something I don't need to know. Every time I am out with my m8's or in a car or w/e if I see someone who is gay even my brain ALWAYS! points it out. But I just try focusing on something else. It doesn't bother me to much. Anyways try talking it through with yourself. And for flip sake never try using self harming.... It will only make your matters worse. Trust me.

[Picard]

Thanks, for putting my mind at ease. I've been on a session, things are much more clear now... I still have the fear (much less, and will pass, I hope). Seems like the problem is due to a trauma (so to call it) I have 'survived' a few years ago. But I'll get through eventually (I'm not defeated easily, hehe)...
Thanks again!

[The Batman]

Here's what I'm getting.

1. You have a girlfriend who you love.

2. You are not attracted to guys.

3. The only thing that makes you think your gay is a voice.

I really don't even see any bi curious traits here so I think this is just something inside your head.

[Picard]

I hope so. But still, what do I do about it? I have a session in about a week, but those thoughts are back and I don't know what to do... I keep looking at guys to see if I feel attracted, and I'm not. Than I feel bad about looking. People around me keep making 'gay jokes' and I even feel threatened and offended... Why?

Today was a bit scary too... I have had sex with my girlfriend. Normally I would... err... finish prematurely. But this time I didn't finish at all! I've been under a lot of stress (mostly because of these thoughts) and I did have only 4 hours of sleep that night (and she came at 7 am ), so I thought that could be the reason. Maybe I'm trying to label and analyze myself too much as well... But this still scares the hell out of me... I know you all probably have better things to do (and that I'm whining too much :) ) but I would really like your thoughts on this. Thank you for all your answers!

[byee]

You might want to discuss that 'trauma' you 'survived',with your therapist, it sounds like that might be contributing to your anxieties here.

Worry is the best killer of sexual desire, esp. sexual worries, so it's not surprising that you'd have some dificulties in that dept. It might be wise to recognize this, and maybe find different ways of connecting with your g/f, at least until you have a better understanding about your underlying sexual issues.

Lastly, let me remind you that you cannot 'become' gay. It doesn't happen that way, it's something that's just there, and there's this gradual awakening/awareness about it. You cannot 'get' it from 'trauma', or any other environmental experience.

[djvous]

1) We/ They dont goThrough that much bullying that we/they should not be able to put up with.

2) i think its just parrannoia. And lets face it, I can sit here and read lies, but you dislike gays, maybe not hate them, but if your scared than you must dislike them

3) sorry if that offended anyone, i am a very straight out person some-times!

[Picard]

1. I remember, last year, there was a musical festival in a city in my country. There was a small parade of masked people. It seemed interesting (people dancing with masks and stuff), so a friend and I went to see what it was. As soon as the parade entered a secluded park, a group of men came, and started beating up everyone. I found out later that it was a gay parade of some sort.
Also, every March 9th, there is a gay parade in my capital. And every time hundreds of people come to beat them up.
Maybe you live in a place where differences between people are accepted, but in this country, if you differ, you get beaten and/or killed. I've been beaten a few times just because I have long hair. A guy in my school was stabbed to death with a knife because he wore a scarf of some football team.
2. I like to think that I do not dislike people for no reason. If I am, and I am unaware of that, then I'm sorry. If I offended you in any way, I'm sorry, that was not my intention.
3. I don't think anyone was offended ;)

[mr.sexy_bomb]

hormones

[pontiacdriver]

I don't think you are gay based upon all the facts you provided us, and maybe the experience of seeing gay guys get beat up was so troubling to you that it stuck in your mind. Maybe that voice in your head is not telling you that you are gay as opposed to telling you why did you not try to help out those who were getting beaten up? Were you a part of the crowd that cheered on those who were doing the beatings, and are you now feeling guilt as a result?

Don't create a self-fulfilling prophesy for yourself as the thought of having an emotional and a physical relation with another man is revolting to you, then the fact remains that you are straight and that is that. Sexuality is hard wired in our brains, and one does not choose sexuality. Bascially, realize that you are perfectly normal in anyway.

As for the voice in your head, my guess is that you are going to have to start treating everyone with equal respect and give them the benefit of the doubt. I reckon that if you are ever in a strong enough position to help someone who is in trouble, including if they are gay, then you should do so.

Remember, you are fine just the way you are, and always treat others with respect.

[Picard]

Were you a part of the crowd that cheered on those who were doing the beatings, and are you now feeling guilt as a result?


No, I was in the crowd that got beaten, as I said, I didn't know what it was, I saw a parade, and I thought it was fun, so I marched with them :)
I do feel bad about not helping those people in trouble, but then again, I was scared as hell when the beatings begun.
And no, I never went to a gay parade to beat people up (and I never will), but lots of people from my school did. I tried telling them not to do that, but all I got was "do you have something to confess, maybe?", so I kept my mouth shut and got out of the way... Yeah, I know, I'm a coward for doing that :(

[pontiacdriver]

I don't know how things work in your neck of the woods, but my suggestion is that if there is a counselor you can see, then it will be well worth your time. My guess is that you were traumatized by being associated with the homosexuals even though you had no clue that the parade had anything to do with gay rights. Perhaps folks gave you a really hard time for inadvertantly being with the gay rights crowd, and ever since then you have doubted yourself.

You are not a coward for your lack of assistance as you were in trouble yourself, and there was nothing you could have done to help others.

Basically, you need to stop doubting yourself (easier said than done), recognize the reality that you are straight, and, finally, get some counseling as you need to vent your feelings as my guess is that you have a lot of things you need to talk out.

[smiles97]

I know that I am joining kinda late, but I searced why am i so homofobic on google, and this was by far the most helpfull resource!I am not even in High School yet, but I realize we all go thru this at different times. I feel that i went thru almost the exact same thing! Except that I wasnt beat at gay parade and i am a girl. I honestly dont think that stuff matters, I have been doing lots of research of how to forget about it and get on with my life. Nothing is really helping for more than a few hours because I think about how I am not thinkng about it. So if you are still using this chat and going to a therapist I wold luv to hear how stuff turns out and how and if u can move on. I to, look at girls and ask myself: r u attracted to them? I am not, but that doesnt make the thots go away. What trigured this for me was that i was reading my first grade diary and it said I had a crush on another girl! If I could leave tht behind it wold be a huge lift off my sholders. I am very very attracted to boys, so i know i am not gay, but i thot all this mite mean tht i was bi