Please....help me...

[Alec-Valentine]

Good morning, or afternoon or whatever time it is. Recently I've come up with a problem and I could really use some advice on what to do. Please, when you read it dont judge anything.

A little bit about myself. I'm a 16 year old in WA in the U.S. The name is Alec. The story I'm telling involves the girl I love, Elizabeth who is a 16 year old in SC also in the U.S. Her mother who I will refer to as Sam as I dont remember her name at this time. This also involves her fiance Lee....

Anyway, this story starts off with Elizabeth and Lee. The two of them have been together for almost 2 years now and Lee is 2 years older then her. At first they were happy together and they even shared there firsts with each other. You can guess what I mean. Anyway about...I wanna say 6 months ago Lee went and joined the Navy. Now while that's all well and good he and her were already going to be married. Problem with this situation was, he didnt bother telling Elizabeth about it until AFTER he signed up. And she was against it. Not because she didnt support him, but because she didnt want to be without him. Well anyway they had three months before he left and their relationship turned to shit. Worse then shit actually. She was only happy about 10% of the time. Thats what she told me. Now we met about three months ago. It was over the internet which I'd say is the biggest cause of our situation right now. Anyway, moving on. At first we were just friends and then her mother had a heart attack and she took it hard cause her Grandmother just died. So I made an attempt to cheer her up. I gave her my phone number and told her to call if she wanted to talk. Told her I'd cheer her up. And that was my honest intention.

Well you see after that day we got to talking everyday. We became the best of friends in short time. We developed this trust...This pure trust. She told me everything about her relationship. About how he acted dead and emotionless towards her when they talked while he was one the phone at Boot Camp & A-School. Always acted like his friends was more important to him then her. Acted like his DOGS were more important to him then her. Anyway it got to the point where she was going to commit suicide but I talked her out of it. And over time we both realized about the same time that we had feelings for each other. Well about 3 days after we realized it we came out with it. Problem was that we both knew it was more then a crush or attraction. We had fallen in love with each other. I know it sounds stupid I mean, two people falling in love when they live on opposite sides of the country while she is engaged. But it happened and at first we ignored it but over time it grew really bad or good. Ya know what I mean?

Anyway one thing that I have is a voice that she LOVES. And I really mean she loves it. In her words 'Its like a drug that makes me happy and aroused and I'm addicted.' Well this voice really aroused her and we ended up becoming 'intimate' over the phone. Or to be blunt we had phone sex. But it wasnt normal it was...very special. She has always had one problem with her boyfriend Lee. He had never gave her an orgasm, never satisfied her. That night she had her first orgasm because of my voice. And from then on we only fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. She was starting to feel more like a friend to her fiance Lee. And then it only got worse for them as they fought and still fight CONSTANTLY. And I really mean constantly. They never had a normal conversation anymore cause he was always horrible to her.

Well Sunday night, this past sunday night her first love died by getting hit by a car so she has been taking it hard. But then on Tuesday she broke up with Lee because it just got really bad for her. She had cheated on him and she told him. He flipped and started calling her a whore or a skank. But she isnt, she isnt a whore or a skank. Problem is that it was going decently until she told him EVERYTHING. He freaked out and she tried suicide. If she had picked a sort of pills different then Ibuprofen she could have succeeded. But afterwards she didnt want to be with him. But then today came. This morning it was fine until the three of us talked together because he wanted to talk to me. We did a 3 way conversation. I basically spent the time keeping the peace cause they fought. He called her a skank and a whore and accused her for cheating. So finally I interceded and said my part and he accused me of using her.

Now I know none of you know me, but I dont use woman. Its a horrible pathetic and stupid thing to do. I hate the thought of it. So I blew up at him. I yelled at him for saying that to me. And Elizabeth yelled at him too. He then hung up and called his mother and told her things. Afterwards he called Sam and told her that it's my fault they arent together anymore, that I forced her to do these things with blackmail saying I forced her to send me naked pictures of her. Which I must point out I've never done. I didnt force her to do anything and I havent seen any pictures of her naked. Moving on...Sam freaked out and yelled at Elizabeth saying that she was a stupid skank and a whore and then she forced my phone number out of her so she could call and talk to me. So far she hasnt called yet. But Elizabeth is not allowed to talk to me on the phone anymore.

Her and Lee talked things over and they are getting back together, although she doesnt want to. And he said that we cant talk over the phone anymore. Only online. I mean the problem here is that we are in love and she doesnt want to be with him anymore. She told me she wants to be with me. Her sister and best friend fully support this. The problem is with her mother. She is abhorrently against it.

Now before any of you berate me for this relationship I just want to point out the fact that Long Distance Relationships CAN work. In fact that have a higher success rate then normal relationships. Ya know why? Because people in those situations connect emotionally first before physically. Currently statistics show that over 700,000 long distance relationships have worked out well, ending in marriage. Thats world wide and only in the past few years. That is a big number....

Look the help I need is what do I do? We both want to be with each other and we know we can work it out, but her mom is our biggest barrier.....Please I implore you. HELP US.

[Gumleaf]

wow alec, thats quite a situation. i think you just need to be patient right now. if elizabeth loves you as much as you say, then the unhippness in the relationship between lee and elizabeth will show to everyone in time, including her mum. but because they are engaged and were so happy before, its probably hard for her mum to accept that they aren't happy anymore and will try and convince herself otherwise by blaming you, even though you were only trying to help. i think you just need to be patient, be there for elizabeth still, just be cautious in doing so. until they break-up properly, its probably best for you to try and stay out of it, so when the finally do break-up you can be there and maybe something can happen then if elizabeth still feels the same way about you.

[Attax]

First of it seems to me like her mom is a sociopath or something. If she cannot see what is best for her daughter than she is not doing her duty as a mother; however, it is obvious that she is not looking out for her daughters best interest because she let her get engaged . . . AT 16!!!! What 16 year old gets married? She is still in high school! Now what would probably be best is if yall just talked on the internet for a while, kept it on the down low, and if you really must talk and if she has a job she can get like a trackphone or something and pay for her own minutes (like 20 dollars a month probably) that way she can tlk and her mom now know about it . . .

[byee]

(hey Alec, couldn't you come up with a different name for the antagonist? j/k.)

Listen, there's a lot here. I'm sorry you're caught up in such drama. But I think we might want to talk a little about the source of that drama and what it might mean, I think that's an important place to start.

I'd disagree that 'long distance relationships' can work, b/c they're really not relationships. For that to happen, you have to get to know the person, face time is really important. In the absence of that, i'm afraid what you've got is a lot of neediness filled in with fantasy, with your own needs to see and experience a person in a certain way. She's still a voice on the phone, and a person is so much more than that. Needless to say, so is a relationship. I'm not minimizing or questioning what you're feeling or experiencing, rather I'm encouraging you to look instead at what it means, where it comes from within you and what it reveals about you (and her), b/c therein lies the answer to your q about what to do.

I think you're both really vulnerable here, and you're both looking desperately for love, for that special connection and attachment that is so understandably necessary. Clearly she has some *issues* with Lee (and her mother, too, the 'ultimate attachment'). And you? You didn't talk so much about yourself, and why you're so drawn to someone who's basically your own creation, rather than finding that attachemnt closer to home.

I think it might be wisest to back off for a bit, at least until she settles her situation with Lee. That's a pretty major complication right now, and until she resolves what it means, where it's going, and her feelings about it, whatever she's got with you is likely to be mixed uo with that.

[ViciousScheme]

IAMSAM... are you a doctor? or a psychiatrist? Seriously..... You got mad skills when it comes to looking at a big picture. On a side note, sorry for being off topic.

[marshallmac]

Hello Alec-Valentine, My name is Marshall, and i was looking through google and i saw this site, after reading many other blogs, i came across yours, it really seem to grab my attention, i tried to reply earlier, but i couldn't because i wasnt a member,and i just now had the convienance to make an account, so i did and here i am replying. What i think yew should do, or more less, what i would do, is try to set up a paypal account so yew can recieve donations, when i say donations i mean, to get yew some money to get "across the nation" i think as yew put it, or something to that effect, to see her and let her know shes making the wrong desicion, and such i truley believe from your story, yew guy were meant for each other. I kno as yer reading this yer probably thinking to yerself, "Haha, like im going to listen to some random 14 year old," You can either listen to me or not, but we never regret the things we do, only the things we don't do, i would say more, but I'm a fairly busy teen for my age, and no, i dont mean playing with video games either. :/
So im running out of time here, so I'm going to give yew my myspace info and my aim(aol instant messenger) screen name, keep in touch.



notice:im not sure if im able to give other website information away on here, but ill do anything to help. so if i get banned and yer not able to contact me on here, please keep in-touch on myspace, or etc. and even if i cant help yer situation I would still like to talk. Oh, and i didn't really get alot of time for replying to this, so if yew dont fully understnad, please, contact me :]

myspace: http://www.myspace.com/171493041

aim: marshall OMG mac

(hey Alec, couldn't you come up with a different name for the antagonist? j/k.)

Listen, there's a lot here. I'm sorry you're caught up in such drama. But I think we might want to talk a little about the source of that drama and what it might mean, I think that's an important place to start.

I'd disagree that 'long distance relationships' can work, b/c they're really not relationships. For that to happen, you have to get to know the person, face time is really important....




i was reading yer reply and sadly all i read was until; the part where yew dont believe in long distance relationship, i just wanted to give a quik comment on, how face time is important, but emotional connections need to be exploided before physical connection, and it sounds to me, hes pretty damn sure hes in-love, but yea, sorry just wanted to through that in there. :]