Mania... Ugh!

[Zephyr]

No adivce needed, just need to get it all out.

So I've been in a manic swing the last few of weeks and it's starting to take a toll.

-No sleep
-Excessive drinking
-Stealing things
-Starting to hear things again
-Hyper as all hell
-And a couple of times I'll snap out of something that I'm doing, something stupid in particular, and not remembering doing it in the first place.
-Getting so hyper to the point where it's depressing and I've seriously considered taking up cutting again.

I LOATHE my manic cycles.
They make me feel like I'm a terrible person.

[Zephyr]

And... *crash*

The good news: The mania is gone

The bad news: ... rather not talk about it publicly.

[iJack]

You think your a horrible person during those, Steph, your a beloved Global Moderator, one step under Administrator on a forum with these stats: Threads: 25,418, Posts: 315,737, Members: 8,890, Active Members: 495
People love you Steph.

[Techno Monster]

^ Yeah, look at all you did, and all do, and can do!

[Oblivion]

Steph.
You are a fabulous person.
You shouldn't have to go through this.
Good luck Steph. You can pull through with no cutting.
:hug:

[Zephyr]

When I get like this, I have no choice in the matter of what happens.
I'm conscious of what is going on, but it's not me that's doing it.
It the monster that comes out after the mania crashes.
Nothing triggers them either, it's completely random.
I was doing so well too...
6 months, my record for not having a manic breakdown.
All gone to waste now.
I feel terrible.
I know it isn't my fault,
But I feel like a destructive monster.
I get scary when this happens.
I laugh and cry manically at the same time,
I get violent if anything bad comes to mind,
Then I end up hurting myself to snap myself out of it.


But thank you for your kind words though everybody,
It really means a lot to hear it.

[byee]

Glad you're better, Steph. Are you working with a doctor?

[Zephyr]

Not really better.
Just not as intense as last night and more in control.
I'm at my dad's this weekend,
So if anything goes wrong him or my sister can deal with me.
I usually do extremely well, so doctor's visits are sparse,
Generally once a year.
I think psychiatrists are great,
But not for me.
I can't open up to strangers in such an intimate enviornment.
Medication isn't supposed to work 100% of the time,
I haven't been this bad since I was 14,
But it will probably pass over soon enough.

[Zephyr]

It's coming back...
I'm scared of myself :(

[Zephyr]

It's been 3 days since my last little 'hiccup'.
I feel awesome, like I have some new-found energy!
I do believe it has officially passed,
Yay = ]

[Bobby]

That's great Steph! Let's hope things stay good.

[Oblivion]

Wooohoo! Go Steph! :D

[theOperaGhost]

Awesome, Steph!!

[Θάνατος]

Hey Steph I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar and ADD. The medicines they had me on were totally mind controlling. I could not think straight and I could say something and 30 secs later I would not remember what I said.

Steph if you ever need to talk I am here for you.