It's Been Awhile

[Nitchy17]

I don't know if any of you remember me (and honestly don't blame you if you don't, for it's been 8 months), but I remembered this site and decided to start looking around again.

I'm engaged to be married to the love of my life, and I honestly can't wait to marry him. The problem I have is that if I see an attractive guy I can't help but to fantasize and flirt. I don't understand why I'm constantly lusting after other men when mine is perfectly capable to satisfy me. I don't want to be with anyone else, ever, I just want him...

[LoneWanderer]

Im sorry, im not of experience, but im sure its perfectly normal for everyone to have fantasies.

[rsc4life]

That is a tough one. But if you really love that guy, honestly, it shouldn't matter that your having fantasies.

[Nighter]

Hang on, you are 14 and getting engaged?

How long have you known him?

[Attax]

That is her post count silly lol.

It is perfectly normal to fantasize about others, especially in this time. This is because you may subconciously be scared to be attatched to one person for the rest of your life. I see nothing wrong in it, and if I were him I would have nothing to worry about, because since you acknowledge that you don't like it it reveals your commitment to him.

[Gumleaf]

this is totally normal and nothing to feel bad about and more importantly, nothing to worry about. we are made to be attracted to eachother in a physical and sexual way, so when we see someone we are attracted to physically, its only natural to fantasize about them in a sexual way. i know i do the same thing even though i have a girlfriend that i love very much. the thing is that despite the physical attraction we may have for another person, its nothing compared to the emotional attraction that you would have with your fiance. thats something thats very special and can't be just found with a quick glance at a "hot" person.

[byee]

Gratz on your engagement!

Hmmm...I think fantasizing about others is fairly normal, although you might want to understand why you're doing this or what your fiancee is missing that you're seeking elsewhere. But, the fantasizing that starts at puberty can continue even after you're in a relationship, that's not necessarily a problem (although it might indicate some other issue which may or may not be a problem).

What IS a problem, though, is that you've crossed over *that* line, and you're now acting on those fantasies by flirting. You're no longer keeping it in your head, where it's relatively harmless. Flirting CAN be harmful!

I think you need to pull back here, and try to understand what it is that's driving this behavior, and make the necessary corrections BEFORE you get married. If you cannot do this independently, then please find yourself a good therapist and figure it out before it can potentially cause major problems in your marriage!