My Friends...

[Underground_Network]

When I'm around them, it just doesn't feel right. I mean, we share some common interests, but we do the same shit all the time, and sometimes they want to be dumbasses when I don't. What sucks is that what they consider hardcore shit is nothing to me. I've done some pretty bad shit, and they don't realize it. They think I'm the 'softie' among them, well yeah, that's far from the truth. They think that doing certain unethical/immoral things are funny, and well, I used to too, but now I just don't even think those things should be done.

I just don't like having to stop and think about whether what THEY are doing is right or wrong. I have a tough enough time deciding for myself whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. I mean, they're not the greatest of friends, they quite often don't listen and I feel ignored more often than I feel I should be (I mean, if they're truly my friends, should they ignore me at all?). But then again, without them I'd go insane.

Since I suck at making new friends, I feel like I'm stuck with them. I just don't have the guts and/or I'm too afraid to walk up to someone I don't know and just start talking to them. I don't know why, but its just who I am, and I fear its how I'll be for the rest of my life. I just don't know. My friends are okay, but I know they could be better, and since I don't see myself making any new friends soon, I just don't know.

I don't know if I can live like this. If anything I'm living a lie. Some of the things my friends 'worship' or hold in high value are things I consider completely immoral and just plain stupid. They used to be different, but now they think being stupid is 'cool', and I just can't stand that train of thought. Stupid isn't cool. Stupid is just well, stupid. :/

[Oblivion]

First of all, being the one saying whats right and wrong is not 'softie'ness
Its maturity.


Secondly, it sounds like no matter how hard it is for you to make friends, a lot of people could be friendlier than these guys.
Try making new friends first, before drifting from the old
Who knows? Maybe you'll find some friend thats really awesome.

[Underground_Network]

Its not as easy for me. I can't just make new friends. I know people who are sort of friends with me, but I don't know how to make the 'next step up', i.e. hanging out with them and doing things with them out of school. A lot of people try to get my attention, in fact, I know I could be popular, I'm just too shy and too confused.

I just don't know anything any more. No one sees the world the way I do. I always say the wrong things around the wrong people. I've permanently effed up my chances of being friends with some really nice people just because of things I've said. I've ruined my chances of going out with some of the hottest/nicest girls by things I've said/done.

Most people at my school seem to be impressed by things that are below me, and the people who aren't just aren't people who share the majority of the same interests as me. The only person at my entire school who seems a bit like me is a girl who's two years older than me, at least 6 inches taller than me [though that really has nothing to do with anything], and MIGHT be on drugs (actually, she probably is). But still, she seems interested in me, but then again, she seems to stare at everyone, so its hard to tell. I'm way too shy to talk to someone like her (the word beautiful can't even be word to describe her [from my point of view]). And I don't know, I'd like a guy who I can converse with and who's willing to listen to me and would make a great friend, but I just don't know anyone like that [in real life]... :/

[Oblivion]

Hmmmm
Yeah i get what you mean
Thats kind of how I feel right now
I have a lot of friends at school
But I can't really take it to the next step

What if ou just decided one day you would go up and talk to people that seem interesting?

[Underground_Network]

Ha, it just doesn't work that way. You have no idea how I feel. Its just an innate fear [or maybe it is a fear that has accumulated over time], but I just can't go up to people and talk to them. I don't know why. You could put me in the middle of a war zone and I would show no fear, but put me in the middle of a bunch of strangers and make me talk to them, and I'll be scared to shitsville.