Bad friend

[Lennonism]

This kid moved in from Canada a few weeks ago, and he had a bunch of high school classes with me. When I was a new kid back in elementary school, people picked on me a lot, so I decided to be nice to him and introduce him to some of my old friends, kind of help him got started.

Boy, did I fuck up.

This guy is SOOOO annoying. He pushes me around every chance he gets, and he hits on my girl friend (Not my girlfriend, a female friend) all the time, and that gets on her nerves. He's not trying to be an asshole or anything, I think, I think that's just how he thinks that's how guy friends act, by pushing each other around and stuff.

I asked my science teacher to sit him in a different seat so he wouldn't bother me, but he didn't do it. I'm afraid that if I press the issue he might decide to make me sit at another table and just leave the new kid there, but all my friends are at the table, so I want to stay. This kid is also a lot stronger than me, so I can't beat him up or anything, because he would probably murder me. So, what do I do?

[Nihilus]

wow. Okay just tell him stop. Tell him nicely if you can but do not ignore him.

[byee]

*Darn, Ben beats me to it again!*

Yeah, tell him how you feel and what you'd like. You can do that without being confrontational, let's assume that as a new kid he's just a bit anxious and this is his way of dealing with it, by being a little head strong. Wanting to make friends might be blurring his judgement, but wanting to make friends also means that he'll more likely listen to you. Just be nice.

[Gumleaf]

hmmm, maybe because he is new, this guy is trying to leave a strong impression. sooner or later he will find that if you and your friends don't react in what he would see as positive for him, then he may cool things of a bit.

[pontiacdriver]

I believe that the next time you are alone with this kid that you need to firmly and assertively tell him exactly what you told us. Be honest with him that you were once in his shoes and thought that it would be good to get to know him, but you feel slapped in the face in light of everything that he is doing. You need to tell this kid that if he wants to continue to hang out with you and your friends that he has to stop being a jerk or else he will have to find other friends. Sadly, tough talk is all this kid will understand, and being nice to him is going to be a sign of weakness. If your other friends are equally annoyed by this kid, then you all are going to have to put up a united front as the truth will definitely sink in once more than one person reaches the same conclusion about his behaviour.

You really did do the right thing by trying to be nice, and it is a shame that your efforts turned out so badly. I think that this kid honestly feels that he has to act tough to be liked, and if you are in America, maybe this guy feels that he has to overcome any misconceptions that folks have about Canadians. There is also a chance he misses home and is angry in general and is unhappy about his change and taking out his anger on you all. No matter what you should give this kid a piece of your mind as you don't deserve the treatment you are getting.

[Simonsays]

I have a friend like that, although he didn't boss me around, or bully me. I always put him back into his place, and I'm a small guy! 5' 7" and weigh 115 lbs. In your situation, I would just ignore him. Stay away from him and if he really doesn't care and wants you gone, he won't bug you anymore. Screw him, you don't need him to be your friend..:)

[Lennonism]

Alright, it's gotten worse. He's now insulting me any chance he gets. I won't even be talking to him and he'll pop out of nowhere and start picking on me. I honestly don't think he cares whether we're friends or not.

I'll try to get the teacher to help me, I guess.

[Gumleaf]

getting the teacher to help might be a good idea. also, just ignore him. if you ignore him it will get to him that you aren't reacting to what he is saying and doing and he'll eventually give up.

[pontiacdriver]

I would also think of some good, strong comebacks when this kid insults you again. You don't need to take his garbage, and it seems like this guy feels that he is somehow "big" by putting you down. I think getting a teacher's input would be a good idea especially if he is really disrupting your school day. My view is go to your school counselor and be honest that you felt sorry for the guy and thought by being nice to him that he would feel comfortable in your school.

I hope that things work out.

[MrPinnick17]

Tell him to grow up. I don't know what grade your in but I guess junior high or senior high. If none of your friends like him, then all band together.

Just be like "Dude, why are you doing that?"

It's all pretty simple really, just be upfront. Like, dude I tried to be nice to you because I know it's hard being the new kid, but if your going to treat me and my friends like this then just forget it. If he keeps coming around, get a few of your friends together, he's got nobody to have his back and you do. Use this to your advantage.

Maybe ask him why he's being like this, I mean and it could be it's just the way he is.

You did the right thing by being nice to applaud yourself for that. I mean a lot of people are scared to talk to new people and befriend them because they're afraid they'll be weird. Some of them will be weird, but all that matters is that you made the effort. It didn't work out, so now you've got to deal with it. You can do it dude, just use the same confidence you had when you started being nice with him, and use it to get away from him.

[Simonsays]

Ok! I got it. Next time he picks on you, don't do anything back, just simply keep walking acting like you didn't hear him. And then find a close friend and go talk to them. He might notice it..

[Neverender]

This kid moved in from Canada a few weeks ago, and he had a bunch of high school classes with me. When I was a new kid back in elementary school, people picked on me a lot, so I decided to be nice to him and introduce him to some of my old friends, kind of help him got started.

Boy, did I fuck up.

This guy is SOOOO annoying. He pushes me around every chance he gets, and he hits on my girl friend (Not my girlfriend, a female friend) all the time, and that gets on her nerves. He's not trying to be an asshole or anything, I think, I think that's just how he thinks that's how guy friends act, by pushing each other around and stuff.

I asked my science teacher to sit him in a different seat so he wouldn't bother me, but he didn't do it. I'm afraid that if I press the issue he might decide to make me sit at another table and just leave the new kid there, but all my friends are at the table, so I want to stay. This kid is also a lot stronger than me, so I can't beat him up or anything, because he would probably murder me. So, what do I do?

tell somone. also, what part of canada is he from? it may help. because the b'ys from ontario(only some) are a bit ignorant. and the b'ys in alberta are logic-less.

[Lennonism]

Alright, I'm having a very similar situation now, only this time, they actually like the guy, but he doesn't like me. Me and him have been at odds for a while now. He sat down at the table one day, and instantly decided he didn't like me, so he's been picking on me for a while, and is has been trying to turn my friends against me, too. The best I can do is stab him with a friggin pen, and that makes him stop for a little bit, but then he just keeps on going after a while. I don't think the teacher in this class would care about my problem since me and my friends talk during his class, and plus, they like this guy, so it isn't like the other one where we can just gang up on him (Which eventually happened to the guy).

Advice?

[The Batman]

Gang up on him? Dude seriously you need to stop trying to find violent solutions for your problems. Just tell the teacher and ignore him.

[pontiacdriver]

Alright, I'm having a very similar situation now, only this time, they actually like the guy, but he doesn't like me. Me and him have been at odds for a while now. He sat down at the table one day, and instantly decided he didn't like me, so he's been picking on me for a while, and is has been trying to turn my friends against me, too. The best I can do is stab him with a friggin pen, and that makes him stop for a little bit, but then he just keeps on going after a while. I don't think the teacher in this class would care about my problem since me and my friends talk during his class, and plus, they like this guy, so it isn't like the other one where we can just gang up on him (Which eventually happened to the guy).

Advice?

In light of your having the same friends you situation is going to be complex. I would suggest that if he does do anything to humiliate you that you definitely stand up for yourself, but try to avoid dealing with this kid period, if possible. Basically, if this kids sits at your table for lunch, then sit at the opposite side and talk with the friends there. It is clear that physical force is not best in your situation as it has no effect on the guy. As a result, you should think of some very strong verbal comebacks and cut him down that way. If this kid makes fun of you, then you give it right back to him with interest. Short of this kid being God this guy must have his share of imperfections, and I would definitely not hesitate to use those things against him only if he does anything to you. For example, he might have a squeaky voice, weird hairstyle, body odor, etc. that you can use only if he attacks you. My view is that if this guy harrasses you, then he should be prepared for a response.

As for the teacher thing, while there is nothing they can do in this particular situation there is no harm in getting advice from them. After all, teachers were your age once, and they know how you feel.

I feel bad for you as you tried to be nice and include this guy in your group only for this whole situation to explode in your face. I can promise you that you will win out in the end as the only thing that probably makes this kid popular with your friends right now is his making fun of you. Making fun of you is going to get old after a while especially if that is all he can do, and people will probably eventually get tired of him if he is negative all of the time.

[byee]

In light of your having the same friends you situation is going to be complex. I would suggest that if he does do anything to humiliate you that you definitely stand up for yourself, but try to avoid dealing with this kid period, if possible. Basically, if this kids sits at your table for lunch, then sit at the opposite side and talk with the friends there. It is clear that physical force is not best in your situation as it has no effect on the guy. As a result, you should think of some very strong verbal comebacks and cut him down that way. If this kid makes fun of you, then you give it right back to him with interest. Short of this kid being God this guy must have his share of imperfections, and I would definitely not hesitate to use those things against him only if he does anything to you. For example, he might have a squeaky voice, weird hairstyle, body odor, etc. that you can use only if he attacks you. My view is that if this guy harrasses you, then he should be prepared for a response.

As for the teacher thing, while there is nothing they can do in this particular situation there is no harm in getting advice from them. After all, teachers were your age once, and they know how you feel.

I feel bad for you as you tried to be nice and include this guy in your group only for this whole situation to explode in your face. I can promise you that you will win out in the end as the only thing that probably makes this kid popular with your friends right now is his making fun of you. Making fun of you is going to get old after a while especially if that is all he can do, and people will probably eventually get tired of him if he is negative all of the time.


I have to disagree with this advice.

The best way to deal with someone who is inappropriate to the point of harassing you is to go to your guidance counselor and enlist their support. You need a bigger stick here, it's clear he doesn't respect you or fear you or care about you, so the idea of 'insulting' him or otherwise mentioning his 'flaws' probably won't work, and might actually antagonize him further. Fighting fire with fire usually results in third degree burns all the way around, the only way to accomplish what you want here is with brains.

The goal here is to stop his behavior, and in your case, the best way to accomplish that is to go to the people who can actually get his attention and prevail. Strength is the ability to recognize what resources can most quickly and efficiently achieve those ends: A guidance counselor or Principal or other school authority fits that description best.

Go.

[Requin]

I would also think of some good, strong comebacks when this kid insults you again. You don't need to take his garbage, and it seems like this guy feels that he is somehow "big" by putting you down.
Comebacks? I don't think that will help, that will only provoke him and make it worse. Probably, from the sound of him anyway.

Ok! I got it. Next time he picks on you, don't do anything back, just simply keep walking acting like you didn't hear him. And then find a close friend and go talk to them. He might notice it..
Hmmm, doing the silent treatment may work, but i don't think it's the best course of action to take really, it could escalate into something nasty, all rumours and lies. Eugh, not nice.

tell somone. also, what part of canada is he from? it may help. because the b'ys from ontario(only some) are a bit ignorant. and the b'ys in alberta are logic-less.
Really? We know that he is a bit of a jerk and is too brash for his own good, is there a website that says how to deal with people in certain parts of Canada. Isn't that being cruel to Canada anyway. :-) Hahahaha. Sorry. If this is true then you've opened my eyes to Canada Pope. lol

Alright, I'm having a very similar situation now, only this time, they actually like the guy, but he doesn't like me. Me and him have been at odds for a while now. He sat down at the table one day, and instantly decided he didn't like me, so he's been picking on me for a while, and is has been trying to turn my friends against me, too. The best I can do is stab him with a friggin pen, and that makes him stop for a little bit, but then he just keeps on going after a while. I don't think the teacher in this class would care about my problem since me and my friends talk during his class, and plus, they like this guy, so it isn't like the other one where we can just gang up on him (Which eventually happened to the guy).

Advice?
Gang up on him? No, sorry but that won't do anything. He may be brash and a bit 'in your face'. But ganging up on him won't do anything, it's a cruel way of doing things. Sorry to be boring but it's true. Soz

I have to disagree with this advice.

The best way to deal with someone who is inappropriate to the point of harassing you is to go to your guidance counselor and enlist their support. You need a bigger stick here, it's clear he doesn't respect you or fear you or care about you, so the idea of 'insulting' him or otherwise mentioning his 'flaws' probably won't work, and might actually antagonize him further. Fighting fire with fire usually results in third degree burns all the way around, the only way to accomplish what you want here is with brains.

The goal here is to stop his behavior, and in your case, the best way to accomplish that is to go to the people who can actually get his attention and prevail. Strength is the ability to recognize what resources can most quickly and efficiently achieve those ends: A guidance counselor or Principal or other school authority fits that description best.

Go.

As usual, Sam has hit the nail on the head. Do what Sam says and things should be better if not ok. Nothings full proof, but it's worth a try, hope things work out dude.