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View Full Version : Lewd Vandal Leaves Greasy Imprints on Neb. Town


Kaleidoscope Eyes
September 11th, 2008, 04:06 PM
VALENTINE, Neb. - Boy, how people here wish their busiest vandal would find another way to make his mark. Some man has been skipping from one business to another in the dark of night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows.


It's easy to tell.


Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.


"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said Police Chief Ben McBride.
A wad of chew in his mouth, he didn't crack a smile as he talked about the case.


"It's not funny," he said. "We're worried about the next step."


Will he move up and commit a more serious crime?


Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, uses its name as a promotional tool, calling itself "The Heart City." Downtown sidewalks are painted with hearts, and locals encourage people from around the country to send their Valentine's Day cards to the local post office so they can be mailed out with the word "Valentine" stamped on them.


Near the scenic Niobrara River in remote north-central Nebraska, Valentine was named one of the top "wilderness" towns in the country last year by National Geographic Adventure magazine.


Locals find some humor in the strange brand of graffiti and have taken to calling the vandal the "Butt Bandit."


But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.


"We were completely grossed out," Kalli Kieborz said. She works in a downtown building.


"One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!'" she said.


Said Kieborz: "You could, like, see the whole package."


It all started in spring 2007. The window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint.


Chief McBride figured it was a high school prank. But the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out.


The bandit struck business after business, window after window last summer.


Then he — and maybe, McBride said, copycat vandals — stopped over the fall and winter.



"People said he was done," McBride said. "Then he started back up this summer."



During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.



Late last month, Dana Anderson was alerted by a fellow employee at Valentine Midland News & Printing that their downtown building had a dirty window.



"It was very visible," Anderson said. "We used a long-handled squeegee to clean it off."



McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year.


The man was somewhere between 6 foot and 6 foot 3 and was slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look."



Like the chief, Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott didn't find any humor in the vandalism.



"It's a malicious act that will be prosecuted once the person is apprehended," Scott said.



"This is not normal behavior for Valentine. It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080911/ap_on_fe_st/odd_crude_dude_1

Sugaree
September 11th, 2008, 04:35 PM
Can't they just take the DNA that was from the jelly and lotion?

Kaleidoscope Eyes
September 11th, 2008, 08:32 PM
There must not have been any. It's just lotion, so unless they were lucky enough to find any epithelials that may have rubbed off in it, there's nothing they can get from it DNA-wise.

ShatteredWings
September 12th, 2008, 05:53 AM
hahahaha

i don't care that shouldn't be funny, but THAT is so weeiiiiiird

Sugaree
September 12th, 2008, 10:49 AM
He's obviously proud of his accomplishment in the hormonally enraged male world that is obsessed with penis size.

thesphinx
September 12th, 2008, 01:03 PM
Could be worse lol.

Kaleidoscope Eyes
September 12th, 2008, 01:29 PM
I just wonder where he got the idea. I mean, it's not often that someone turns off the TV, stands up, and says to themselves, "Self, I'm gonna buy an economy sized tub of Vaseline, walk to that Methodist church downtown, then drop my pants, coat myself in the Vaseline, and leave an imprint of myself on the window." ...and then has so much fun with it that they decide to do it again on all sorts of windows around town. So, what was going through his mind, I wonder?

ShatteredWings
September 12th, 2008, 02:06 PM
he's insane perhaps? I dunno.


maybe this guy just wants to humor all of us

Kaleidoscope Eyes
September 12th, 2008, 02:44 PM
Haha, yeah, perhaps he just has a crazy sense of humor. Still, it takes an interesting person. I wonder if he ruins a lot of underwear that way, or if he brings some baby wipes and cleans up before putting his pants back on. Because you'd think something oily like petroleum jelly would stain.

...Oh my gawd, who would have thought something like this would spark so many questions? I've got issues or something, haha.

ShatteredWings
September 12th, 2008, 05:55 PM
No, i'm pretty sure you're just a girl xP not issues.

Still, that's a though....

wonder if they'll ever catch the guy

Junky
September 12th, 2008, 07:15 PM
girl;358126']No, i'm pretty sure you're just a girl xP not issues.

Still, that's a though....

wonder if they'll ever catch the guy
i hope not that is hilarious