I'm so confused, but could it still work??

[Medical Kid]

well recently my parents have been fighting verbally, and even physically, and Ive been wanting my dad to just.......just leave, he always causes the fights cuz he drinks too much and never believes my mom when shes telling the truth, like If she and I go to the mall we will go back home, and he will be all drunk and accuse her of cheating, wtf, why take me then? but really I just want him to leave and this part reeeeeeeally makes me sound like an asshole..........but theres one reason why I'm unsure, see My aunt, my dads sister, is really really nice, shes practically my favorite relative, and my fav cousins and even favorite uncle are all in her family, and if my dad leaves....... I dont know if I will ever see them again, and I think I'm a jackass for saying this because I only want my dad around so I can talk to her, and her family, do you think even if my parents get divorced, I can still talk to them? and does me thinking this make me a bad person?

[Nihilus]

Leave it to your mom. Its her descion but she can say she has enough. If your father gets physical call the cops. I hope all goes well. you'd probally be able to go see your fathers relatives because they are your family too.

[pontiacdriver]

well recently my parents have been fighting verbally, and even physically, and Ive been wanting my dad to just.......just leave, he always causes the fights cuz he drinks too much and never believes my mom when shes telling the truth, like If she and I go to the mall we will go back home, and he will be all drunk and accuse her of cheating, wtf, why take me then? but really I just want him to leave and this part reeeeeeeally makes me sound like an asshole..........but theres one reason why I'm unsure, see My aunt, my dads sister, is really really nice, shes practically my favorite relative, and my fav cousins and even favorite uncle are all in her family, and if my dad leaves....... I dont know if I will ever see them again, and I think I'm a jackass for saying this because I only want my dad around so I can talk to her, and her family, do you think even if my parents get divorced, I can still talk to them? and does me thinking this make me a bad person?

Your feelings are definitely completely normal and totally understandable. Your father's behaviour is no doubt repulsive and damaging to the family as a whole, and there are times when you can really hate what a person does but still fundamentally love the person. The bond between a Mother and child is very unique due to the fact of the child living within the Mum for 9 months, and anyone or anything that threatens your Mum is going to garner really strong reactions in you. Basically, you are not an "asshole" for your thoughts as you see your father's actions for what they are: ramblings of an irrational person.

When you see your Mother in danger do everything you can to calm the situation down and get your Mum to safety. If push comes to shove, then you as a family might need to seek temporary shelter from your Father if he is acting really bad. I noticed that your profile lists your being from Ft. Meade., and if you are from a military family, then you really might want to see what help Army Community Services can offer you: http://www.ftmeademwr.com/acs/family_advocacy.htm Domestic violence is a problem that affects everyone, but it can be really devasting in military families as a soldier who is proficient in combat can make very scary adversaries in the home. I would definitely encouarge your father very gently to get help for his drinking problem as that is no doubt tearing your family apart.

Regarding your aunt, even if your family does break up the fact remains that you can still have the same relationship that you currently have with your aunt and her family. Remember, the problems in your family is between your parents and does not include you.

I sincerely hope that things work out for you, and always remember that the problems in your household are not your fault but rather long-term issues that have been festering between your parents.

[Medical Kid]

thank you both, it was really really helpful, but um do you think my aunt would still like me the same if my folks split up?

[Nihilus]

Yes I do.

[thesphinx]

Absolutely, and you are NOT stupid for feeling this way.

[pontiacdriver]

thank you both, it was really really helpful, but um do you think my aunt would still like me the same if my folks split up?

Your aunt will like you just fine, and, if anything, she will be very understanding of your situation because I am going to assume that your father is her brother, and she must surely know about his weaknesses. Blood is thicker than water, and love is not an "on/off" switch. Much like you love your Aunt unconditionally the same also applies on her end, too. Basically, when a family breaks up it does not mean that everyone stops loving or caring for one another. My suggestion is to open up to your aunt and talk about your fears; I am sure that her words can go a long way towards reassuring you.

[byee]

Golly, don't you just hate it when the adults are out of control?

Yes, you are totally normal for feeling the way you do. You're recognizing your dad's drinking and his verbal and physical abuse as totally wrong and really inappropriate and you want it......him......to go away. And frankly, if he cannot reform himself and show better judgement and self control, he should.

No, I do not think it selfish for you to want him to stay around so your family stays intact, that you're 'guaranteed' seeing your aunt and cousins. You love them, and have a seperate relationship with them, you should want to be with them and continue. It is your dad's behavior that's selfish here, it threatens so much that is good and important and essential in your family.

No, I don't think that your dad's leaving automatically means that the relationship with your aunt and cousins must end. You have a seperate relationship with them based on who you are, not just their connection and loyality to your dad. Still, I understand your concern, you should ask them........no, maybe tell them.......that you never want them to go away and that their relationship with you means a great deal to you. I'm sure they'll provide the reassurance you need to feel safe with them and their continuing to be that important part of your life they are now.

[Medical Kid]

thanks everyone! oh and sry for being so inactive lately, the internets been horrible at my place, good to be back, and thanks again :D

[Simonsays]

My mom remarried, and I don't really know my real dad. My step-dad used to drink a lot and cause arguments, no hitting because my mom had 4 boys... So he wouldn't hit her or me, but everynight it used to be an argument about something and would be really bad. I went through the rebellious stage and tried to get them to get a divorce by getting in trouble. Everytime I got in trouble, they got into an argument. That did not work, what I say is tell your mom and say I really don't like *dads name*. He keeps on hitting us (you and your mom). This is not how it's supposed to be!

I know it can be hard, but one day when she's venting about him, push that in. See what her reaction is. Maybe she can help you out witout having to break up the family.

-Nick