Just a psycho with a pretty face.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

So i'm just really on a rant right now.

Of course my waves of depression have gotten stronger, and no longer happen only when i am alone.

my boyfriends worried that i'm going to break up with him because of my moods lately.
its annoying really because im not going to and now i feel like i can't be in a bad mood without having a reason.

my anxiety has gotten so bad that i'm even stressing about a situation my best friend is in.

I'm also really worried about my future.
I know people tell me, stop worrying about something that is no where near yet.
but my mind, just does not stop.

I'm suppose to be graduating this year....
i have 6.5 credits (you need 30 to graduate)
god i have so much high school left, and i am so DONE with this high school drama shit.

I feel like i've forced myself to grow up way too fast.
but I can't change that now, and no way would i choose to be like the immature kids my age.

what do people my age do for fun?
like i actually sat with my friend and tried to think of an answer for about an hour.
if you don't drink, don't smoke pot, or do drugs. what do you do at "parties" where this doesn't happen? what do you do for fun?

i couldn't think of anything that sounds the least bit appealing to me.

i hate my depression.
is there any of you, that have had depression for at least a few years, and feel like it changes?
like the symptoms, theres depression where you will lock yourself up. wont talk. wont sleep. wont go out.
depression where all you do is hurt yourself weather it be drugs, cutting or drinking, and sleep all the time.
the one where you can stop crying, and theres nothing you can do about.
and the one where everything is going perfect but your fucking miserable. and you can cry for the life of you.

mine switches back and forth through all of these.
atm i can cry.
and its killing me.
i need to cry.
i need to be hysterical.

I'm suppose to be at school right now...

but i'll be honest with you..
instead i'm sitting here.
being completely miserable..
drinking beers.
trying to get drunk.
i don't know for what reason.
maybe its to keep me from cutting,
maybe its to make it easier so i can actually cry.
maybe its because im just a fucking hopeless case.


I don't even know what to write anymore.
i feel like i havn't written anything i've wanted to, i have a million thoughts but can't seem to get any of them written down.
I guess that means i'm done with this rant.

[CrazyBeautiful69]

so I think you really need come counselling.. and I know that when your feeling the way your feeling, you dont want to admitt your problems.. but whats worse....feeling the way your feeling now alone, or letting someone in and having someone to go through it with you. I used to be you. But I let someone in, someone who actually cared and wanted to help and I can tell you, Im 100 percent a better person then I was. I go to partys now, and I avoid alcohol, I dont do drugs, and you know what makes it fun? Knowing that tomarrow, Im going to wake up happy. I make sure my friends are okay at parties, I make sure they get home safe and that if they make any mistakes, they learn from them..and because I do that, I feel good about attending these parties. Life is not hopless..not if you try hard to change it. As for your credits, Im not sure where you live, and if the school boards are the same, but, if you want out of highschool, correspondance is a good place to start, you also can apply for maturity credits because your supposed to be graduating, as well as credit recovery, theres lots of options for you..but if I were you, the first thing I would be doing is talking to a professional. thats what there, there for. goodluck- crazybeautiful

[Atonement]

Wow. Well to answer your question of "do you feel like depression changes" or whatever, yes, I know I do. I've gone through full periods where I would literally do nothing but school and home. School and home. I would avoid eye contact. It was crazy.

Whether you do or do not have counselling etc., Ithink you need it. If you cannot get counseling that works, do you or can you find a super good friend that will help keep you on track? Like a tough love friend. Someone that will practically force you to get to school or someone that makes sure that you are feeling okay. Everyone needs one of those friends.

Stick in there love, it will end eventually. If you want to talk you can pm me or email me

[trn19]

I know exactly how you feel. Yes. My depression has lots of different kinds, and it has been "evolving" for the past eight years. I've been through so many periods and phases I can't even remember. And the current phase is pretty ugly. I can see myself slowly losing my mind more and more each day. You're not alone. Feel free to PM.

[Hyper]

I have been depressed well over half a decade

And yes it does change but people change with time too.. Sometimes you sleep the days through sometimes you do something bad to yourself or others.. Or sometimes you just weep in a corner

Thats answering your question..

As for not looking into your future you should. You said it yourself you need to work to just finish highschool and then get your stuff together hun :P