Snitching!

[Callwaiting]

I've almost had it with my little brother's snitching ways lol.

Every little thing I do wrong he tells on me for. No matter how small.
If I swear, he snitches, if I'm on the computer when I'm not allowed, he snitches.
He even snitches when he sees me eating mcdonalds after school in the hope of getting me in trouble for wasting my money!
For gods sake he looks through my schoolbag in the hope I'll have something which he can snitch on me for. past items have included burnt pens - "He's been lighting fires at school", paper planes - "look what he did with his worksheet" and MANY more.

I've kept a lot of his secrets, and whenever I put trust in him he betrays it as if he has no other choice. For gods sake, he's 11 years old and still snitches on his own friends at school..
Should I just be perfect for the rest of my life? My parents don't have much trust in me as it is and I'm constantly getting blamed for crap I have nothing to do with as a result of his one-sided tattling.

Can someone please give me some advice?

[Mzor203]

Ah, the joys of little brothers. Not very nice little creatures, sometimes.

Until a while ago, I was basically in your position. Every little thing, my brother was right to our mom to tell. Thank god it stopped recently, for whatever reason, but it was horrible.

The first thing you need to do is have a talk with your mom. Tell her that he keeps telling on you for stupid things, and that you have a ton of things you could tell on him for, but you promised to keep secret. If she asks you for an example,it might be worth it just to go ahead and tell her a couple things that he's done. And I've found one thing that helps. Try to make a truce with your brother. Tell him that if he doesn't stop with the tattletaling, you'll go and tell your mom all his secrets, and tell on him for every little bad thing he does. He won't believe you at first, but if you go ahead and do it, he should get the idea. If he insults you in some way, just yell,"MOM!". If he tells you to shush, tell him that you won't unless he stops.

It may be a bit of work, but it'll be worth it.

[Requin]

Ah, welcome to life, the first part of living, doesn't it suck!
Does he go, "Ummm i'm telling" - one of the most annoying phrases that a child can say.

I have a little brother, (he's only 13 mind) and luckily, he didn't do this.
So, the first thing to do is, as the dude above said, talk to your mum about it. It's no good doing anything without letting her know the full and true story, make sure it is mind.
You don't want to look bad in front of her if you lash back at him in redemption type ways, that's a no no, even though i'm sure it's very tempting.
After you've told her, i don't know what she'll do, she might have a talk with your brother about why it's not good to snitch on everyone for everything, and that if he keeps doing this, he won't have any friends, and i mean any.
If she doesn't do this, do it yourself, or do it aswell as your mum. Your older, you have a right to privacy and him going through your stuff is a breach of privacy.
Have these chats with your mum and brother and if he's still doing it after you and your mum have done this...well...need i say anymore?
But i think he'll heel for your mum if not you, definatly your mum. People like your brother who love to get pleasure from pointing out other peoples foibles to people in postitons of authority. So he should listen.
Normally if your brother was younger i'd say that he'd grow out of it eventually, but since he's 11, he should of stopped by now...good luck and i hope for your sake that he stops.

[byee]

I'm in good company here, following Celeritas and AxLr who give their usual good advice!

People snitch for 2 reasons: First, is protection or concern, they've learned that your judgement is lousy and they're telling someone to try to protect you from yourself. If your parents don't trust you already, as you say, then maybe there's some of this.

The second reason is that the snitcher is trying to ingratiate themself with the authority figures. They're trying to look good, they're looking for some attention and acknowledgement. Some call it 'brown nosing'.

The fix? First, work on your part, correct whatever it is that causes your folks to not trust you. If they're feeling you're showing better judgement, then your brother might, too.

Also, you might want to tell your brother that you do not appreciate him snitching, and if he does have some issue or concern with you, you'd like him to address that with you, directly. At 11, he should be able to talk with you without an intermediary. Do not threaten him, or threaten to snitch on him. Rather, point out to him that his concerns are baseless, and that he is merely casuing trouble. But, make sure his concerns ARE baseless. There's a diff b'twn 'snitching' (which is based more on ego and need for attention), and reporting bad behavior.

Lastly, I'd tell your folks that his 'snitching' is merely his trouble making, rather than genuine concern, and not only do you think it unfair, but you;d like them to put a stop to it. it is their responsibility to address with him the diff b'twn 'snitching' and reporting bad behavior, and also to address his need for attention.

[pontiacdriver]

My thinking is that you should head your little brother off at the pass by being one step ahead of him. What I mean is that if you know for a fact that you have done something wrong that will have upset your parents, then you are best approaching them first on your own confessing what you did. I would then leave the evidence of your misdeeds out for your brother to find or "accidentally" have him find out of the bad deed after you have talked to your parents so that he will go running to them to rat you out. Of course, your brother will proceed to make a big idiot of himself as your parents already know about the issue and have dealt with it thus revealing your brother for what he really is: a troublemaker. If you do this a couple of times, then your brother will look so foolish that it just will not be worth his time to sell you out.

Also, you should fight fire with fire, and don't hesitate to let your parents find out about your brother's misdeeds. However, I would not approach your parents in an accusatory way but rather in a way that you are honestly concerned about your brother's behaviour thus putting him under their microscope. If you look like the "loving" brother who is looking out for his younger sibling, then you might gain credibility with your parents. Your parents have to understand that your brother is not some sweet innocent child incapable of doing wrong whereas you are the older brother who is being a bad example to the kid.

My final thought is that your little brother is probably in a very morbid sort of a way trying to get your attention. Perhaps he feels that by threatening to tell on you that he can blackmail you to somehow do his bidding. Maybe this kid is the youngest one in your family and is always used to getting his way, and he is probably jealous of anyone else getting any love and affection other than him. Maybe you can use reverse psychology on this kid and follow him around everywhere and be on him like a cheap suit. The desired reaction is that this kid will get so tired of you that he will run the other way just by hearing your name and hopefully leave you in peace.

[byee]

My thinking is that you should head your little brother off at the pass by being one step ahead of him. What I mean is that if you know for a fact that you have done something wrong that will have upset your parents, then you are best approaching them first on your own confessing what you did. I would then leave the evidence of your misdeeds out for your brother to find or "accidentally" have him find out of the bad deed after you have talked to your parents so that he will go running to them to rat you out. Of course, your brother will proceed to make a big idiot of himself as your parents already know about the issue and have dealt with it thus revealing your brother for what he really is: a troublemaker. If you do this a couple of times, then your brother will look so foolish that it just will not be worth his time to sell you out.

Also, you should fight fire with fire, and don't hesitate to let your parents find out about your brother's misdeeds. However, I would not approach your parents in an accusatory way but rather in a way that you are honestly concerned about your brother's behaviour thus putting him under their microscope. If you look like the "loving" brother who is looking out for his younger sibling, then you might gain credibility with your parents. Your parents have to understand that your brother is not some sweet innocent child incapable of doing wrong whereas you are the older brother who is being a bad example to the kid.

My final thought is that your little brother is probably in a very morbid sort of a way trying to get your attention. Perhaps he feels that by threatening to tell on you that he can blackmail you to somehow do his bidding. Maybe this kid is the youngest one in your family and is always used to getting his way, and he is probably jealous of anyone else getting any love and affection other than him. Maybe you can use reverse psychology on this kid and follow him around everywhere and be on him like a cheap suit. The desired reaction is that this kid will get so tired of you that he will run the other way just by hearing your name and hopefully leave you in peace.


I have to disagree here. I think it's incumbent on the older brother to set the example by showing better judgement all around. So, he should avoid doing those things that cause both his parents and bro to mistrust him, but also respond to the existing dynamic b'twn he and them in a positive way to change that, too. We know that reward/a positive approach is a far more effective tool at changing behavior than punishment. Fighting fire with fire only leaves both burned.

I'd really suggest taking the high road here, and talking with him ( and your folks) directly about his unjustified snitching (i.e. trouble making). If you've never done it, the results of confronting someone with the reality of their own behavior by discussing it can be truly impressive. Most people respond quite well to direct discussion about their behavior and it's impact on you, esp. if they're in a committed relationship, as family are.

Your bro is responding to a number of things here, maybe it's his need for attention and acknowledgement, maybe it's jealousy/sibling rivarly, maybe it's some real concern about your judgement, but whatever it is, at 11, I'd doubt he's fully aware of all of them. By addressing it directly with your words, kindly, you give him the opportunity to learn something (your concerns) and gain valuable insight which he currently lacks, but also, you demonstrate thru your actions the appropriate way of conducting onesself in a committed relationship. Being on some one 'like a cheap suit', or 'giving someone a taste of their own medicine' /Fire with fire' is spiteful and vindicative, and although you're right to find his behavior frustrating, that does not authorize you to use your superior reasoning abilities (by virtue of your age) to hurt him back. It's mean, and it probably won't work, b/c he won't understand it. And although it might make you feel better, what you're after here is permanent change, not momentary relief. That might take more time and effort for you (and your parents), but the results will probably be more satisfactory.

[Callwaiting]

Believe me, I've tried to talk to my parents, they just tell me not to do anything wrong. I'm pretty sure he just does it to get the pleasure of seeing me get into trouble.
I've also talked to him a few times, which results in him laughing, changing nothing.

I can't believe they see me as the troublemaker and him as a responsible figure, as they have said before when we are going out on a bike ride/walk or anything, "tell us if he does anything wrong because we trust your judgement".
I feel like I'm the 11 year old..

[Matt_]

I've got an 11 year old sister whos like-no, worse than that.
She not only FINDS everything, but half of what she tells them is made up.
She stands around the computer for about 15 minutes, and I tell her to leave.
She starts crying.
She goes to mom and says she asked if she could have the computer for her homework, and Matt punched her in the stomach really hard.
This is a double ouch, as she gets the computer and Im in my room for the next whenever.

[Callwaiting]

I've got an 11 year old sister whos like-no, worse than that.
She not only FINDS everything, but half of what she tells them is made up.
She stands around the computer for about 15 minutes, and I tell her to leave.
She starts crying.
She goes to mom and says she asked if she could have the computer for her homework, and Matt punched her in the stomach really hard.
This is a double ouch, as she gets the computer and Im in my room for the next whenever.

Ugh I have the same thing. A little push becomes a "really sore punch" and they're always doing the right thing..

[byee]

Believe me, I've tried to talk to my parents, they just tell me not to do anything wrong. I'm pretty sure he just does it to get the pleasure of seeing me get into trouble.
I've also talked to him a few times, which results in him laughing, changing nothing.

I can't believe they see me as the troublemaker and him as a responsible figure, as they have said before when we are going out on a bike ride/walk or anything, "tell us if he does anything wrong because we trust your judgement".
I feel like I'm the 11 year old..

You have a much larger problem than his snitching, then. It's more about parental trust. Why don't they trust you, what have you done/do?

It seems like you need to address that issue first then. If there's some reason your folks don't trust you, then it's likely that your bro picks up on this and is getting some encouragement for continuing. They're not going to support your efforts until their issue with not trusting you is resolved.

Why don't they trust you?

[Matt_]

You have a much larger problem than his snitching, then. It's more about parental trust. Why don't they trust you, what have you done/do?

It seems like you need to address that issue first then. If there's some reason your folks don't trust you, then it's likely that your bro picks up on this and is getting some encouragement for continuing. They're not going to support your efforts until their issue with not trusting you is resolved.

Why don't they trust you?
Because they'd rather trust the little perfect princess they have.
A

[Callwaiting]

You have a much larger problem than his snitching, then. It's more about parental trust. Why don't they trust you, what have you done/do?

It seems like you need to address that issue first then. If there's some reason your folks don't trust you, then it's likely that your bro picks up on this and is getting some encouragement for continuing. They're not going to support your efforts until their issue with not trusting you is resolved.

Why don't they trust you?

I egged someone's house on halloween when I was 11 or so.
Everything I've ever done from this point has been seen as utterly irresponsible.
I've well and truly cleared this issue up with them, four years later they still see every bit of independance as an arrest waiting to happen..
If I ask to go to the city to buy a CD or something they're sure I'll either A. Buy drugs from a dealer, or B. buy a knife, do something illegal.
BTW I've never been caught or suspected of doing drugs, and I'm hardly into illegal activities..

[byee]

So, you're saying that your folks believe you're a juvenile delinquent b/c of one incident many years ago? That's it?

I think you have a much larger problem here if that is the case. If, on the other hand, your egging someone's house at 11 is just an example of the kind of kid you are, if it's an example of your impulsiveness in general, then I think the issue is more your behavior and attitude than anything else.

Maybe you and they should sit down and have a serious convo about what it is they're actually seeing, what it is that makes them not trust you and your judgement, so you can address those concerns directly, and make a committment to show better self control with you behaviors and attitudes. At least you'll better understand what it is they're concerned about.

The snitching you're complaining about might be a symptom of a larger issue in your family, their lack of trust in your judgement, and maybe the way you expres yourself. Address the underlying issue with them, and then you'd be in a much stronger position to work with them to help your bro see that there's nothing for him to mistrust and therefore snitch on.

[DaretoFallup]

I suggest asking your parents if you can talk to them. Ask them if you can be normal and of course do stuff that you probably shouldn't do any way. If that made any sense at all. Ask them if they can keep your little brother out of your skin, and have him leave your stuff alone. Searching for stuff to get you in trouble is so messed up. Talk to your parents.

[Simonsays]

I'm the youngest in my family. I did the same to the brother next to me. Although I never looked through his school bag or told on him for "wasting his money". Now it has turned around, he doesn't tell on me, but my parents are slowly gaining their trust back with me, been about 5 years though since I went through my lying streak. But your parents will trust you again, if they're like mine, it will be awhile, although no parent is the same.

My brother and I are best friends, I tell him everything whether he wants to hear it or not, and he gives me advice. He is moved out and on his own, and I'm still at home facing the same problems at home as he did! anyways, just hide everything for a year or two, wait for him to grow up.

Snitching on his friends at school at 11 years old only spells one thing... Beaten up brother! Try to teach him not to do this, or only for big things.

About a year ago, I told my uncle when my cousin was the "third wheel" in coke deals.... Ya pretty bad, but if it's not big, I don't say anything.

Use some examples with him, some scenarios on when to tell someone something and when not too... Might help?

-Nick