I Ruined My Friendship with Chase.

[DjDream]

I had previosly posted a threat about me falling in love with my best friend but I was afraid to tell him. Well I filled myself with courage and invited him over to my house. We were playing xbox and when I thought it was the best time I let it all out. I told him that he was very special to me and that he made my life complete and that I loved him. He answered that he love too but I knee that he meant something like brotherly love. But I said that I loved him in a different way and that I wanted to he with him forever. Them I leaned and tried to kiss him but he moved away. It was the worst feeling ever. Them he got up from my bed and said he had to go. As he left I told him I would call him later but he did not respond. Fortue rest of the night I could not sleep and felt like crying. This happened about a week ago and I haven't had any communication with Chase since then. I know that next week Chase will be going to Denmark to a relative's wedding and he will be gone for 2 weeks. J think that I need to talk to him before he leaves to try to apologize for making him uncomfortable. What should I do?

[Mzor203]

I definitely think that you need to talk to him about this. You probably put him in a very uncomfortable position by doing this, and it's your job to make things right.

First, you have definitely got to talk to him and apologize sincerely. If you made him really uncomfortable he could have a hard time forgiving you and forgetting about it. Just be friendly to him, but do not make any more moves on him no matter what you do. If he wants his space, give him his space. He's going to need it.

Apologizing should help a lot. I hope it goes well for you.

[pontiacdriver]

I think that you came on way too strong especially when your friend made it clear that he loved you like a brother and nothing more. It seemed like at first he was all right with your being gay, but my guess is that hormones rather than good judgment is what took you over when you tried to kiss him.

I would physically meet up with this guy and apologize to him for what you have done. You need to absolutely make it clear that you respect his decision and that you understand that you both can never be anything more than brothers. Tell this guy that you feel terrible for putting him in a terrible position and that you can understand his point of view. I would make it clear that while you cannot undue the past that you want to restart your friendship and make it clear that you, too, view the friendship as strictly platonic and non-sexual.

You need to give your friend time, and it is understandable that you are hurt that your friend did not respond to your feelings. However, this guy made it clear that he will always be your friend, and you should be greatful that he still wanted you as a friend and did not outright reject you. It is going to be hard not to have romantic feelings for this guy, but if you look at him as your brother instead of a potential lover, then you will eventually be all right as no one wants to have relations with their own blood relative.

[Zephyr]

Teen Sexuality -----> Family and Friends

[byee]

I guess I have a different take on this.

You took a risk by sharing you innermost feelings with Chase, and they weren't recriprocated. That always hurts, but that's the risk we take when doing this. The fact that you are both guys isn't really relevant here, although it complicates it.

I think you should leave this alone for a while. Although you're upset, you have to realize that's the risk in self disclosure, and if it goes badly, you have to deal with it. Your feelings might be intense and really bad, and you might want to talk more with him to feel better, but your needs are not more important than his. There's always the risk after this type of personal disclosure that further discussion makes matters worse.

I DO like the idea of you very casually dropping him a line when he gets back to see how Denmark was, and to let him know that you'd like to continue your friendship AS IT WAS, emphasis on your not wanting to move this in a direction that he doesn't want.

Sometimes when things go bad, there's this tendency to want to talk about it and apologize or explain our position. And although this makes sense, unless the other person is the type who also needs to do this, it's sometimes best to just acknowmledge it, and move on. Or in your case, reassure him you won't.