Calm before the storm

[Callwaiting]

In my family my stepdad is the main instigator of every fight which happens, and I hate him for it, the horrible nasty things he says( I don't love you ect.) and the way he tries to physically intimidate us.

Well anyway, every time there's a big argument(like every week) everybody hates him for a day, then it totally calms down.
Like nothing happened.
Like he's a good person.

I don't know how this can happen, it's so stupid and it doesn't make sense.
I don't think anybody has forgiven him or anything, it just sort of fades away until the next argument.
I don't know how my mum can stand it - she's his usual target.
And you'd think him saying he hates her children would persuade her to leave him? But no. The next day is just a normal day and it pisses me off that I'm the only one who feels that something is very wrong here.

Is anyone else's family like this?

P.s sorry for the rambling, just venting.

[vulcan12]

Mine is too, dad gets drunk and starts a whole fight that bloes over the next day. none of us can stand him when he is like this.

[Techno Monster]

My dad yells about the stupidest things! Once he made me so mad I called him a fucking terrorist to his face.
Not one of my prouder moments...

[byee]

Well, it does't sound as if it 'goes away', everyone seems to resent him a lot. They're just not expresing it directly to him. There's a big diff there, just b/c people don't share their thoughts or feelings doesn't mean they don't have them!

I suppose the real q isnlt so much if other peoplem have this situation (they do), but what you (and your family) will do about it.

I wonder what would happen if you and your sibs/mum sat down with your dad, maybe regulalry, to let him know how his behavior affects all of you? Sometimes (and I know this might sound unbelievable) people say and do the worst things without really realizing how if makes other people feel. Sometimes, bringing it to their attention, in a non confrontational way, can give them the info they need to conrol themself more.

Even if this doesn't work, there's something very supportive about the rest of you talking about how badly you all feel, it's a way of helping eachother out, that might be very beneficial, too, even if he doesn't change his behavior.

[Requin]

You could have a 'family meeting' type thing. Whenever someone has a problem, and set down some rules about the meeting to, like you can't interupt anyone else when there talking etc.
Sometimes, just talking sensibly and thinking about things clearly makes a huge difference.
I'm not a great expert at doing that though.

[trn19]

Yeah, I'd say you should tell him how the things he says affect you. If he keeps behaving the same way, then you should have a really serious talk with your mother about it. I don't know if you could talk to your real father, but if you can, you could ask him to talk to your mother or maybe both your mother and stepfather.