Losing it...

[Mzor203]

I doubt anyone here at all, or in real life, would be able to pick up on this, but everything is going downhill right now. I'm burning out. I don't know why, but I'm starting to get tired of my life, I feel like it's too stressful, and I can't get away. I'm also having more problems with my anxiety. It's causing me to stay up later every night, not able to get to sleep, stressing over stuff. Last night I wrote a poem... at 4 o'clock in the morning. I never write poems, only when I'm forced to in school can I write anything decent, but last night this just appeared in my head, I wrote it in literally 60 seconds.

Gone without a single trace,
Leaving anxiety in your place
Leaving me to face the dark,
All alone, falling apart


Why have you left me here,
With dawn's light nowhere near,
So many hours left to go,
The minutes crawl by so slow


I lay here silently in my bed,
Thoughts swirling in my head,
Hearing noises in the wall,
Barely keeping sane at all


The night is overcoming me,
Never to let me go free,
The night is present, the dark is here,
And I am left to lay in fear


Sleep, you have deserted me


I think it's my emotions, my thoughts coming out through one of my creative outlets, writing. But that basically sums up my nights.

I try to prolong waking up every day as long as I possibly can. I don't ever feel ready to really face the day, and now school is going to start tomorrow, and I'm not sure how well I'm going to cope. I know I'll make it through the basic stuff, but I don't think I'll have any drive left for my activities, like my music. I've found playing my violin is getting less and less enjoyable for me, when it was one of the things I loved the most a while ago.

I need help, whether it's ways to beat this, kind words, or comfort, I don't care. I can't go to anybody for my anxiety, since I talked to my mom already and it isn't happening. Eventually I'll probably be able to get back on track, but I don't know when that will be. But I don't feel right these days, nights are absolutely horrible for me, and I need some support.

Thanks to anyone who has read.

[The Batman]

I think that you just have to much on your plate. You need to just calm down, take a breath, and try and get rid of somethings that you feel aren't important. Create some time for you to be by yourself so you can relax and relieve some stress. Your 15 so try and enjoy your youth.

[Mzor203]

Err... I think time to be by myself isn't helping. Those are moments when I feel more down, and I have gotten rid of a lot of stuff. I think I have quite a reasonable amount of stuff going on, which until now was nothing, so I don't think that's the problem. Just living is getting weary, for whatever reason, and I'm finding less and less to take refuge in except VT. Thanks for your advice though, it's still appreciated.

[byee]

Well, you're right about one thing here, Rex, I never would have guessed you struggle with anxiety. You wanna know why? Because you're so bright and so perceptive and so caring. You have a lot of ability. And although people with ability have problems, we also know they can figure a way out of them. You can, too. I have confidence you will.

I think at least part of the more immediate anxiety you're feeling might be due to school starting. That's pretty common. If you can identify what it is that's worrying you, specifically, you might be able to come up with a plan just to address that.

The larger issue of what makes you unsettled might take more time to resolve, but it will be easier address if you try to break it down into more manageable parts. You've said that being by yourself makes it worse (this is common, btw, with smart people b/c when they're alone they think too much!), so one element in your handling this better might be to involve yourself in new activities with new people. Forget the unpleasantness of that, of the newness, the anxiety, etc., the larger issue is avoiding a situation (being alone) that adds to your stress and unhappiness. Spend a little time figuring out what would be the least stressful activity----->Maybe band?-----> and join up.

The other thing to do is to have hope that you'll come up with a plan, a piece at a time, to address whatever it is you discover that unsettles you. Hope is a big part of feeling better, you know, the notion that either you have the ability to change your feelings, or that it will 'just work itself out', is really important, esp. at 4am.

Also, think of establishing a support network, a select group of friends that you can go to for some TLC and support when things get low. Maybe a guidance counselor? Some people your own age? And as my new friend Austin would tell me, I would like to be on that network, too.

Good luck tomorrow, don't worry too much about it, just relax and be yourself, and try to connect with others with activities you enjoy and feel reasonably confident with.

[trn19]

I don't have much to tell you. Except that you're not alone. I can identify with a lot of the things you talked about in your original post. It seems my life gets worse and worse each day. If you ever feel like talking PM me. I know, I know, I wasn't useful at all.

[Mzor203]

Sam, I'm homeschooled,and the only person I'll be seeing tomorrow is my brother. Sorry I forgot to mention that.

And a few other problems. First, I don't have any close friends really, and no counsellors I am comfortable going and talking to. I am in band, in the orchestra, and I'll start them soon.

So basically, it's not school, nor anything else really, it's... I have no clue. And I can't take on any more activities right now or everything's just going to blow up. Last year I had a ton of stuff, and I got rid of most of it so I could handle this year, and I don't want to do anything to throw that balance.

I think this is too much to just address like this. Next time I see you on I'll try to catch you and we can go to the chatroom if that's okay?

Thanks for your help.

[jaja]

My Solution Would Be Maybe To Ask To Get Into Public Or Private School Because Your Anxiety May Trigger Because Of Your Isolation From The Oustide World Being Alone Is The Worst If Your Having Life Problems Or Emotional Problems Because Simply, Your Alone. If You Interact With Others You Can Keep Your Mind Off Stressful Things

[theOperaGhost]

Rex, I think you are just burning yourself out. You set really high goals, which I think you can achieve, but still, they are high. You might not think that that is causing your anxiety, but it just could be. Don't rule it out, even if you feel that isn't it.

This feeling could just be something that happens naturally. I know that I feel like you've just described a couple of times a year. I usually get over it in about a month. It could just be a temporary imbalance. You've taken on a lot, and even though I think you can handle it, it may be a bit much and it is stressing you out. Maybe you should just lay back for a little while.

And of course you know that you can always talk to me on MSN or on here. I hope I can help, or at least offer some comfort.

[byee]

Sam, I'm homeschooled,and the only person I'll be seeing tomorrow is my brother. Sorry I forgot to mention that.

And a few other problems. First, I don't have any close friends really, and no counsellors I am comfortable going and talking to. I am in band, in the orchestra, and I'll start them soon.

So basically, it's not school, nor anything else really, it's... I have no clue. And I can't take on any more activities right now or everything's just going to blow up. Last year I had a ton of stuff, and I got rid of most of it so I could handle this year, and I don't want to do anything to throw that balance.

I think this is too much to just address like this. Next time I see you on I'll try to catch you and we can go to the chatroom if that's okay?

Thanks for your help.

I'm happy to chat with you about this, live, Rex. Next time I see you, I'll PM you (or vice versa).