feels like losing a friend

[lxl]

ok yeah so some time age my best friend started getting close to one of my friend and i was cool with that
but recently i felt like my best friend is becoming closer to that friend, and i fee like im drifting apart and losing one of my best friends...
i mean i dont want to confront both of them and get them all mad and pissed off, cuz i may end up losing both of them
idk i guess im getting jealous at the two's great firendship because it feels like they have more special relationship than mine
i dunno what should i do?

[Kuervo]

have u tried talking to them of how u feel about it??? try that

[byee]

Yeah, I think you should talk with them, too. But, be very careful not to be whiny and needy and angry and jealous.

You like them both, and feel that you're potentially losing them, and that's scary. Try starting with that.

Good friends always acknowledge the feelings and needs of their friends, given the chance to do so. That's the key, to give them the opportunity to be supportive and reassuring, not to antagonize them or otherwise put them on the defensive b/c you present yourself as angry or jealous.

Other people respond better to fright/anxiety/insecurity much better than they do to anger or jealousy. It's more risky to show those other emotions b/c they sometimes leave us more vulnerable, but the results are often much better.

[lxl]

i did try to drop a hint that i felt little bit left out and stuff yesterday, but yeah today it felt awkward with that friend... ugh idk its just frustrating
my bf just said he thinks the my other friend is just funnier and stuff and i feel like blah cuz i feel like he is attached to having so much fun around my other friend we will start drifting apart... idk maybe im being really paranoid but it just worries me
and for some reason i think i have irrational dependence on friends... i mean they are not really what should drive your everyday life you know you got your own life to worry about and stuff
sorry about the ranting but i just need some advice and help possibly....

[byee]

You might need to be less subtle here, have a convo about it.

There's a diff b'twn normal attachment and needing people and being dependent on them. The former is a good, normal thing, we humans like eachother and being around eachother, it makes us feel good and wanted and needed and cared for. No problem there. Although we prefer to be around eachother, we can tolerate being apart.

When you're 'dependent' (or 'over dependent') on people, that means that your entire sense of well being is determined by their presence in your life, it is hard (if not impossible) to feel good about yourself, yourself. Your sense of self, of self worth and self esteem and such is derived from the presence of others, it's not a stable internal construct.

[lxl]

You might need to be less subtle here, have a convo about it.

There's a diff b'twn normal attachment and needing people and being dependent on them. The former is a good, normal thing, we humans like eachother and being around eachother, it makes us feel good and wanted and needed and cared for. No problem there. Although we prefer to be around eachother, we can tolerate being apart.

When you're 'dependent' (or 'over dependent') on people, that means that your entire sense of well being is determined by their presence in your life, it is hard (if not impossible) to feel good about yourself, yourself. Your sense of self, of self worth and self esteem and such is derived from the presence of others, it's not a stable internal construct.

yes... thats how im feeling rigth now... i dunno why but whenever im at school my mind is not really filled with negative thoughts and stuff, but when i come home from school i cannot concentrate my life because i overthink about my social interaction today, where i stand as a friend etc. it is so stupid but i cannot control all these rush of thoughts that just ruins my life... im probably needing a therapy from a psychologist or somthing but im afraid to tell my parents because im already occupied with so many other medical concerns and i think my parents think mental illness doesn't exist or you gotta fight it and such i mean i dunno its just a hard situation....