Step Mom Suspects....

[Axellance]

This summer when i went to my dads I was at my grandmas for the first two weeks of the summer. While I was there my Grandma told me that my step mom told my 2nd cousin " I think Lance is a fag". I also talked to my aunts who my step mom disowned and they told me that she told them "Lance is a fag" and "All fags deserve to die along with the child molesters". It makes me very nervous that she suspects i am gay. She is the last person I would ever want to find out about my sexuality because of her radical beliefs. I fear that if she ever found out she would hurt me or worse never allow me to see my father or siblings again. She has been pushing the bible hard as if that will "fix" me...and pressuring me to find a church and youth group to start going to....i don't know what she would do if she found out her suspicions are correct as it sounds like she is already pretty sure of it already. I'm really scared...

[The Batman]

I really hate people like that. This might sound harsh but fuck her. If she can't accept you for who you are then she's the one who needs to read the bible. Your dad loves you and she can't stop him from seeing you so if she wants to be all godly about it then fuck her.

[Axellance]

My dad would stop seeing me if she told him he needed to he listens to everything she says...

[byee]

Hiya Lance! First, very cool shades, I like them a lot, and they 'fit' you. Good choice!

OK, onto your issue here. How would anyone in your family suspect your sexuality? What would cue them to this? Are you saying or doing anything that would arouse their suspicions?


I think there are 2 ways of playing this: Either ignore it as you would any ugly rumor, or address it head on, esp. if you think there's a chance your Step mom might continue to push the issue, or it's just intolerable for you.

If she's the type to continue to push this, the benefit of addressing it now is that you take control of it and put her really inappropriate behavior (calling you a 'fag', really abusive, btw, name calling esp. by adults is always a no no) on display and (hopefully) get her to see the really inappropriateness of it. Also, getting your dad involved is important, too, he's an important ally and source of stability for you (?).

The larger issue here, Lance, isn't so much your sexuality or her 'discovery', but rather the way she interacts with you and treats you. Regardless of her
"brilliant insight", the fact remains she doesn't know for sure, and even if she did, her intent is merely to hurt you. That shouldn't ever be acceptable, especially by someone in familial authority, like a SM.

If you think she's on a roll here and won't let go, talk with your dad first, devise a strategy to counter her name calling, and then approach her with him to get her to stop. This doesn't entail your 'coming out' btw, you're still entitled to privacy. It's about her really inappropriate behavior here.

[Axellance]

She didn't say it to my face so i cant really address it head on unless she brings it up to me as i shouldn't know this. But I do believe she will continue to talk about it behind my back. I cant bring it up to my dad because he will not help me he ALWAYS agrees with her in EVERY situation...She mush withhold sex when he doesn't :P

[Oblivion]

What about a school counselor?
If there's any hint of foul play with your parents, they can really help you a lot.
Or, you can just talk to them if you don't want to take any action.

Other than that, I agree with Sam. Either address it if it gets bothersome, or ignore it.

[byee]

Lance, how'd you hear about this, then? Who told you?

And, as I asked before, why would she suspect anything? Are you saying or doing anything that might make her suspect this?

Rumors should be ignored, but they give you the opportunity to plan for the possibility of an outright confrontation should she come right out and ask/accuse you.

My advice would still be to try to enlist the support of dad, it's not about siding with you over her, it's about protecting you from an inappropriate interaction which coukd get ugly if she accuses you of something that's unverifiable. If you keep it away from him seeing taking your side, he might be able to still support you and the need to not accuse you of something and make you miserable as a result.

[pontiacdriver]

Being gay should not define you as there are multiple sides to your personality. Our behaviour is determined by the situation we are in and the company which we keep. My point is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality as homosexuality is not a choice. With that being said, there is no sense in wasting your efforts on trying to convince your step-mum about the merits of your position as you would simply be arguing with a brick wall. Just be yourself as you would never discuss your sexuality with your parents whether you are straight or gay. Simply act like nothing has occurred and live life normally. While I am not advocating that you should lie about yourself there is no sense in causing unnecessary conflict in your family and become estranged from folks for whom you clearly care. Sadly, you might have to make a compromise in this situation as the love of your family is what you need most during your teenage years, and there is no sense in being open about your sexuality while you still are dependent upon your family for love, support, and finances. Once you are older and are able to support yourself, then I would say that is the time to be open about your sexuality as you would be mature enough physically, mentally, and financially to deal with any issues from your family. My final word is that in light of your step mum being one of those bible belt people there is no question that she would send you to one of those Christian camps to change you which is why you should keep your sexuality to yourself and emphasize that the parts of your personality that your family dearly likes to take the heat off of you.

[Axellance]

Lance, how'd you hear about this, then? Who told you?

And, as I asked before, why would she suspect anything? Are you saying or doing anything that might make her suspect this?

Rumors should be ignored, but they give you the opportunity to plan for the possibility of an outright confrontation should she come right out and ask/accuse you.

My advice would still be to try to enlist the support of dad, it's not about siding with you over her, it's about protecting you from an inappropriate interaction which could get ugly if she accuses you of something that's unverifiable. If you keep it away from him seeing taking your side, he might be able to still support you and the need to not accuse you of something and make you miserable as a result.
did you read my original post?
my Grandma told me that my step mom told my 2nd cousin " I think Lance is a fag". I also talked to my aunts who my step mom disowned and they told me that she told them "Lance is a fag" and "All fags deserve to die along with the child molesters".
i have no clue why she would suspect anything i guess it might be because she is really good at reading ppl.....and my dad feels the same way about homosexuals as her so he is not gonna help me...she has probably already mentioned it to him....

[pontiacdriver]

My regrets for trying to help as I thought I understood your post correctly.

[Axellance]

My regrets for trying to help as I thought I understood your post correctly.
Im sorry that post was not directed at you your post was helpful thank you.

[Zephyr]

If she ever brings it up to your face, simply ask: "Does God not love all of his children? Does God not forgive all sinners?" She isn't being a very loving Christian is sounds like. Bring that up as well if she attacks you... that she isn't being a loving Christian. True Christianity isn't supposed to be about hate, it's supposed to be about love.

I don't know what your beliefs are, so I can't say much.

But honestly, even if they find out chances are that they'll still love you and care about you, they just can't accept that you're gay and it will be hard for them to get over it. That's what happened when I told me family that I was Atheist, as I come from very religious lineage. They all had trouble with it at first, but they learned to accept it and to quit attacking me, even if it hurt them.

Again, if they truly love you, they won't stop loving you just because you're gay. And if they do, then they really arn't that great.

[Neverender]

This summer when i went to my dads I was at my grandmas for the first two weeks of the summer. While I was there my Grandma told me that my step mom told my 2nd cousin " I think Lance is a fag". I also talked to my aunts who my step mom disowned and they told me that she told them "Lance is a fag" and "All fags deserve to die along with the child molesters". It makes me very nervous that she suspects i am gay. She is the last person I would ever want to find out about my sexuality because of her radical beliefs. I fear that if she ever found out she would hurt me or worse never allow me to see my father or siblings again. She has been pushing the bible hard as if that will "fix" me...and pressuring me to find a church and youth group to start going to....i don't know what she would do if she found out her suspicions are correct as it sounds like she is already pretty sure of it already. I'm really scared...

if she does find out your gay and wants to kick you out, you could call child services, tell her to go fuck herself, or the ultimate spite move, if you have a boyfriend, kiss him in front of her. make her piss herself in shock/anger.
(though i would not do number 3 unless she really pisses you off.)

[Axellance]

She is not in a position to kick me out because i live with my mom but she can prevent me from visiting. i don't have a B/F but id i did that she would shit herself then get the gun lol

[byee]

Lance, I did read your original post, and I understood it correctly. I even had my glasses on at the time to assure the info was getting in there accurately. I apologize if my answer did not convey this, let me try again. Hopefully, you won't misunderstand me.

What you're hearing from your second cousin sounds like second hand info. Whenever you hear something from a source other than the original, it's best to try to verify it before you respond. Until you do that, treat this info as mere gossip, a rumor.

If you're not saying or doing anything that she could use to figure out your 'secret', then it just supports the idea that this is all just a rumor. Besides, she sounds like a closed minded bigot, and people like that aren't typically astute enough to figure these things out, they're not terribly good at judging people accurately. That's what makes them bigots!

[Medical Kid]

well none of you probably remember me since I havent been here, and lance weve only talked once before, but dude, w/e you are so nice and being gay isnt bad in the least, we are who we are, and if she wont accept you, shes missing out on a very nice person :P

[daza1471]

what a fuckin homofobe!, poeple like that don't deserve to be in society, if your dad accepting you realy gets to you, i thinks you need to know is reaction, u noe beacuse you cant live your life in fear!

[Neverender]

She is not in a position to kick me out because i live with my mom but she can prevent me from visiting. i don't have a B/F but id i did that she would shit herself then get the gun lol

hahaha. but child services could deal with those problems (not the gun, the visitation rights)

[The Batman]

Ok now that I have calmed down I can make a more civil post.

Lance I think you should just ignore her. When you go over your dad's house tell her hi then act like she's not there. If you let her see that it's hurting you then she wins. You should never give any kind of bigot enough power to control your emotions. So just hold your head up and be the same Lance you have always been.

[Neverender]

Ok now that I have calmed down I can make a more civil post.

Lance I think you should just ignore her. When you go over your dad's house tell her hi then act like she's not there. If you let her see that it's hurting you then she wins. You should never give any kind of bigot enough power to control your emotions. So just hold your head up and be the same Lance you have always been.

Damn Right!