I haven't... since April.

[ktkurbst0mp]

On April 21st, I said I would stop.
I have had problems with self-injury since 2001.

In 2006 I was forced into therapy when my parents/friends found out. A phychiatrist put me on Welbutrin. It made me more suicidal than I already was. And I got taken off of it.
Eventually I was discharged. But soon relapsed.
And in April of 2008 I promised myself I wouldn't cut or burn anymore...Because I didn't want to have to feel pain anymore just to feel "okay".

No one seemed to get that. and to be honest, when I think about it... It doesn't make much sense at all. But inside, in my mind, I can feel that it makes more sense than mostly anything in my life.

I feel like I imagine an alcoholic would feel like quitting alcohol cold turkey.

But here's the kicker, I was fine. Completely fine. No urges. Until this month.
My self-esteem's been bruised and battered from a relationship gone awry. And I'm working on that.

But any help, or suggestions, or maybe just support in the meantime?
I know I've found help on here before.
I just haven't been on in a while :(


Thanks, in advance. Because I know you guys are really helpful :)

[NextToNormal]

first, congrats on being SI free since april. second, just fight those urges. i know you can do it. you said your self-esteems been bruised...it will heal over time. yes, it may be painful, but would you rather feel the pain of a broken self-esteem or the pain of cutting or burning?? personally, i choose the broken self-esteem. and plus, you have worked so hard to not cut or anything. you dont really want to let your hard work go down the drain.
hope that helps.

[Nihilus]

well keep it up. cutting is usually used to relieve stress so try breathing exercise to help with your stress. Congrats on being cut free and keep up the good work. try meditation because that helps me with stress.

[ktkurbst0mp]

Thanks =)

[Sapphire]

Urges come and go. Some days you'll experience them and some days you won't. Find some things you can use to distract yourself and lessen the urges. Not everything will work for everyone, of course. But find some things you can do regardless of the time of day that work for you. Some people find drawing on themselves where they would cut with red marker helps. I, personally, find that listening to music and doing puzzles helps.

[ktkurbst0mp]

When I first started to get over it, I used to wear rubberbands on my wrists and whenever I'd feel the urge, I'd snap them.


It successfully worked.
But it's still causing myself pain, so I really don't want to resort back to that.

[Sapphire]

It's promising that you don't want to cause yourself any pain.
Maybe some of the other methods would help (the coloured marker for example). There are a whole load of great ideas here that you can try out > http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/announcement.php?f=16&a=52

[ktkurbst0mp]

thank youu.

[Xistrance]

I find myself resonating with you, I feel the same way, I can understand quite intellectually that Self harm is a serious issue, yet knowing all this, its still a factor, which to me, makes me even more unstable in myself, know this yet not doing it at all.

Ack, Relationships, probably the most emotional rollercoaster your ever going to face. I have severe issues arising from a relationship, probably the source of my issues, Its a really hard thing to deal with but the best thing and the most cliché is. Time will heal your broken heart (And it does, but you need closure, you dont need to hold onto the relationship that isnt there, close it, mend your heart and move on)

thats the only way I found to heal a relationship becuase Love is complex and it must have been heartwrenching for you because it pulled you back into SH and I can see your intelligent enough to understand your issues. The hardest thing is knowing you got them but feeling so unable to remove them without selfharming, unable to do anything to get these feelings you can rationally understand and logically know how to remove but its enforcing those things to your addiction.

Try this, next time you want to cut, stop, even if you stop for 30seconds before you session, it progress, it might seem insignificant, but if u can stop for 30seconds, you can stop forever, you just need to build your willpower. No one here expect you to quit tomoro, we would all love to quit tomoro, but it dont work that way. then the next time you session try a longer period until you'll find that you wont want to cut, because your mind will be swirling with thoughts upon thoughts until your amazing brain starts to think about why? and how you can solve it, and if you cant solve it, then you must look deep inside yourself for the problem.

I think you know your problem for why you cut, just work on it slowly, I know when you face your demons face-to-face its intimidating, you dont want to let them go but you must.

If you need to talk. PM me.

[ktkurbst0mp]

That made me cry.
Thank you.

(it was a good cry, don't worry.)