Is it wrong to be jealous?

[Rusty]

I know that jealousy is naturally wrong, but I've always been jealous of other people mostly down to my lack of self confidence, I've been jealousof their looks and their attitude to life but I guess it's just dawned on me how jealous I am...
Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 10 months and he's always sworn he loves me to bits, but recently my best friend added him on MSN and he told me today that they've been speaking about anything and everything.
He said to me today, "We've been speaking loads. Apart from gender and location, we are the EXACT same person."
Is it wrong to be jealous of her? I mean she is honestly my best friend and i can always tell her everything and I don't want to be jealous of her, it's just Luke (boyfriend) always used to say that we were like the same person cos we had the same characteristics and we behaved the same way and like the same music and all that stuff.
I love Luke and my best friend to bits and don't wanna lose either of them and wanna keep them happy, but at the same time I wanna stop them talking so I won't lose Luke but I knowthat's horrible and I can't do that.
I've sat for the past half hour since I came in, crying and worrying and asking my friends for advice but they say I'm being pathetic and stupid. I just wanna know what you guys think.
I really need reassurance that I'm just being paranoid and he's not going to leave me for my friend, I mean she is very beautiful! I'm really surprised she hasn't got a boyfriend already because she is the prettiest girl I know!

Any help, please?

[Whisper]

Its human
some are effected more than others
If its this bad and you don't like how your acting with it then you need to self monitor and catch yourself so you can try and stop it
and you need to try and build up some confidence
I am sure you are a truly wonderful person
and if he's stayed with you for 10 months then there is something there

[Rusty]

Its human
some are effected more than others
If its this bad and you don't like how your acting with it then you need to self monitor and catch yourself so you can try and stop it
and you need to try and build up some confidence
I am sure you are a truly wonderful person
and if he's stayed with you for 10 months then there is something there


Thank you, I'm talking to my friend now but I can't work up the courage to actually tell her how I feel cos I'm afraid she'll be upset at me

[byee]

No, I do not think you're overreacting here at all! You've been with Luke for 10 months, and clearly care for him deeply. Then, you find out he's spending loads of quality time with someone else who he gushes over. Jealousy sounds about right to me!

More specifically, though, she's a threat to your relationship and the love you have for Luke. That's one of the things about love, the more you get, the more you want, and the less tolerant you are at the prospect of losing it. When we need something, we guard it. Your jealousy is a form of guarding it, it's a signal you feel it's being threatened.

I think the convo should be with Luke, you need to let him know how you feel about him, and how (threatened) you feel by his attention to her. He needs to reassure you and say whatever it is you need to hear to make you feel secure and less threatened. And, you need to hear it and accept it, the issue are his feelings for you, his committment to you, not the chats he has with someone else.

[Sapphire]

When jealousy rears its ugly head in an extreme way, it is time to re-evaluate things and how you are perceiving them. However, it doesn't sound like it's that bad at the moment.

I agree that talking with him is the best course of action to take. This is directly connected with your relationship with him, not your best friend. Tell him how you feel and an understanding can be reached. Maybe he could refrain from talking so much about what they have in common, how much they talk etc. If he does this out of respect for you then all should be good.

[Rusty]

I chose to speak with him, but because of my panick-y nature I had a few drinks before he came (which I realise was wrong of me) and I spoke to him about it, we had a long conversation which resulted in me crying a lot and begging him to stay with me.
He told me I was being silly and said that he won't leave me and he'd stop talking to my friend all together if I wanted, of course I don't want him to stop talking to her all together because that's cruel. I just got a bit freaked cos he told her things that he wouldn't tell me, like if he had thoughts of cutting or hurting himself, I had to find these things out from her and that got me scared.
I guess I just need to learn to have more trust in him and learn to let myself losen my grip on him and let him breathe.
Rusty

[Sapphire]

I am glad that you spoke with him about it, regardless of the fact that you had some liquid courage beforehand. It sounds like it went very well and I hope that you are feeling reassured now.