You know what? Screw this

[Lord C]

After my last bout with paranoia I finally pulled through and managed to see that I was infact being over paranoid about my friends. Which is good because when you start to feel that way it rubs off on other people and the last thing I want is for my family and others to feel down or think that I'm depressed myself because it would only worry them.

But in the last week or so I have got so pissed off at my "best friends" that I start to wish that I'd never made friends with these kind of people. But I HATE the division in my school. If you're a ned (chav, yob, thug etc) then you're friends with ALL the neds, same with emo's and what have you.

There's about 2 groups in between the emo's and neds in my school and they are Gamers and Half Emo's (Likes that kinda music, doesn't have the looks like an emo). I'm a "Half Emo" and so are my "best friends". I'm not going to change to not be friends with them, I am who I am, but I still have to be around them if I decide to blow them off.

But anyway, like I was saying, in the last week they have really been sending out bad messages to me (not literally). I know this is a bad example, but slowly I am being moved down on their bebo friend lists, then every time one of them comes to my house and we're on the computer, I move up the list and I'm assured "these top 6 are joined top friends" or something like that. Then when they leave and go home I'm suddenly moved down again. This is how bad it is with one of then: his Ex is in front of me!

I have also been blown off twice when we had things arranged. One time they got an offer to go skiing, when we had arranged thngs so texted me (yes texted me, not called) to say they weren't coming to play badminton (even though I went to the trouble of booking the court, and then having to cancel it at a very short notice, causing me having to pay a small fine to the leisure centre). The other time we had all planned to play badminton again when they "discovered" that they had made plans for that day with other people and not the day after, so once again I was abandoned with small fine to go with it and no invite to join them to go into town.

I really wonder what the hell is so unlikeable about me. I'm a chatty guy, but I don't talk too much. I keep people's secrets. I'm loyal to my friends, and I don't bitch about people (especially not as much as some people that I know). I would never blow off my friends after making arrangments with them. I'm not moany, whiny or nasty. Yet these people who I call my friends decide to do bad things to me. I even got to such a point yesterday when I considered running away or suicide, until I smacked myself over the head (mentally) and decided the latter was stupid, and I'm a Christian so I couldn't take my life.

I do have one other best friend, who I trust and everything, but another thing I'm worried about now is that I'm just friends with other people, not best friends, and I struggle to see how I can make new best friends if according to my current ones, I'm that unlikeable.

[byee]

You might want to reevaluate not just your friends, but how you see yourself, too. I'm not sure how your friends being irresponsible and insincere with you is the result of your not being 'nice' or a good friend/person. The two are probably not interrelated. It's easy to assume they are, but from what you're describing, they're not.

You can try to talk with them about their behavior and your reaction to it, and see if by bringing it to their awareness they'll change it. So much happens so fast and without thought, sometimes it's b/c people are insensitive, but sometimes it's just the nature of things and the plans we make. By bringing it up to them, they might be able to consider the way this stuff affects you and change it. If not, it makes your decisions clearer!