Faker!

[Callwaiting]

Well I don't have much time to type this so I'm going to try to do it really quickly.

This is my first post here so I wanted to say hi to everyone who reads this(I already feel like a bit of a dork talking to people on the internet when I should be having fun with the friends I don't have on this sunny weekend)

Well since about last year I've been feeling really crappy every single day, no matter how much fun I should be having.

I just posted this because I was wondering if anyone else felt like I do - like you have to fake your whole life, whenever you're laughing or talking to someone it's just lie after lie and never the truth about how you feel inside.

And then on top of that having to hide the reason I can keep functioning properly, which apparently is what this forum is about.

In general I feel life is just crap and I've thought about suicide more than a few times when I'm alone and feeling more depressed than usual.

I hope(and this is really selfish of me) that someone can relate to my situation and talk to me or something.

Please don't feel like I'm looking for sympathy or anything, I know it's the thing I least deserve from the people behind the nice, friendly posts I saw before I joined, I just sorta wanted to get something off my chest.

[Rutherford The Brave]

I do know what thats like. I got over it though, I realized that living life to the fullest is the way I should do it. It also dawned upon me not to look at the negative but to approach them once, handle the situation and then drop it. This is life though, its meant to be tough. Still, suicide is never the answer to the questions life throws you; That's what you need to stop doing.

[Malcolm Tucker]

Cutting & Self Harm :arrow: Depression, Loss & Grief

~

The truth is that even though you feel alone, you're really not. You're not alone if there are others out there who fell like you. It's simply a matter of finding them. Have you tried to talk to someone, e.g. Therapist, Parents, Teachers? I think you should. It can only help. :) If not, you should keep posting here. We can help you too. Hang in there :hug:

[Xistrance]

im the worlds worst for lies. Mine dig my holes so deep, I have to continue through life as if the lie was the truth because the hole is so deep, that if i turned around and it stopped being a lie, dang It would explode. and its a vicious cycle because the lies make you feel like shit, yet to stop feeling suicidal because these lies would fuck everything up, you continue and the guilt builds and builds and bulds and it sucks hardcore.

suicide to me, used to resonate so perfectly to me because I thought "hell, if like sucks this much, to stay and endure countless times of sadness, pain, anger and hate all in exchange for love (if indeed we are ucky to find love) and parts of happiness (only if we can become happy if we are not cronically depressed which I am) then to hell with it, i'll kill myself right now and save the trouble.

Also with the intense numbness I feel myself, compassion for my family didnt come into the account and now I feel disgusted with myself for try and even contemplating. my only reprieve is that I failed and that my willpower grew because I decided to hold onto the little bits of happyness and start to light up the darkness in my mind and now I still do think of suicide that way, but i feel its not an option at this present point, I wish to sort my life and mind out and see what happiness is, Feel love again because my broken heart is mended,

just my issues give me severe commitment issues, women to me are kinda gratification object d'arts although I dont actively seek sex, its everywhere especially in the UK, you can pick girls up quite easily and some are so pretty and lovable, I feel so sick that I cant commit to these women who I would love to be with all down to my own issues, and just one night stand them and I feel that a stable commited releationship would simply fix my issues, Its so out of grasp because of my demons and its not fair to rule women out as toys because they are humans also, but a certain woman was the cause of the issues. Its a vicious cycle for me.

[Nihilus]

well don't do suicide. My dad told me that suicide survivors regretted it the moment they did it ( the people who jump off of bridges and buildings). I feel like that some times but I go find a good book and start reading. Find something that you enjoy and do it. you may be unhappy now but in the future, some time, some where you will be happy.

[BlackenedSilver]

I am exactly like that. (the faking) I never feel like I am truthful to any of my friends and family, and always feel like I have to force laughter when someone makes a joke.
But I dont do it as much anymore because I have realised that if you are truthful to people they trust you more with things. But sometimes I just cant help it, I use it as defence so I dont get too close to anyone.
If you want to talk feel free to pm me. x

[Callwaiting]

Cool to see there's someone feeling like me out there. Actually it's not cool it's really depressing that someone feels this bad LOL.
The funny thing is how easy it is to lie about everything.

[The Batman]

I know exactly how you feel because that's what I did. I faked my happiness, faked the fun I was having. In fact I did so much that whenever I got around my family I would automatically turn happy and energetic no matter how sad I was. Wanna know how I got over it? I stopped caring what others thought of me and started trying to be happy. Don't let anyone take your happiness away and don't let them control how you feel.

[checker]

I can relate to what people have said here. I have manic depression, and I know just what the numb feeling can be like. I also know what it's like having to fake happiness, I just know that I can't tell anyone how I feel sometimes because of the stigma attached to having a mental disorder such as the bi-polar that I have; people immediately assume you're going to be a complete idiot. There are a few people who I used to be able to tell how I felt, but they're giving up on me now. Any time I'm feeling bad I have to just hide it, so as I said, I know how you feel, you're not alone.

[jma94]

I can totally relate. I've been asked my whole life "How are you, you okay?", 'cause of things I've had to deal with, yada yada. I'd just smile and say "Yeah, I'm fine." I wake up everyday and put on a fake smile. I make my friends and family believe I'm fine, when I'm not. I've gotten extremely good at it. I understand, completely. You can PM me anytime. :D

And don't feel like you're being selfish. We all need someone to talk to sometimes. You're not being selfish.

[Yasmine]

my whole life is a lie, from the way i look to the genitals i have. people lie when they use pronouns directed toward me, people lie when they say my name, i lie when i use a public restroom, and my parents lied about who i was when they raised me.

[Antares]

First off, welcome to VT. We are here to help and it is always good to vent and that is exactly what you have done to good for you.
Anyways, I know what it feels like to be alone and to have no one to talk to. Like you are the only person in the world and the only person you can trust is yourself. Some people feel they can't even trust themselves. It sucks to be in a position like that.
However, I think that you should just try to find yourself someone something that can keep you grounded. Someone/something that you can trust and just let go and just talk. If you can find that thing and confide in that thing then it should get much better. There are always lights at the end of the tunnel. You just need to find your way.
Good luck :D

[Sugaree]

First off, welcome to VT.

Secondly, you shouldn't be thinking about how alone you are. You're not alone, you just think you are and that no one relates to your situation in life. You have friends which not many people have. What you should do is look on a better side of life. Look at all the pros even if those pros are dull.

You also need to stop thinking about suicide because this is never the answer and never has been. Commiting suicide isn't something that can stop pain because it starts pain for all the people who love and care for you.

You're not alone and many people like you do feel like this. Just try to talk to your parents about how you feel and I'm sure that they can talk to you about this and maybe they related to this when they were your age. Talking about it always helps in the end in most cases so hang in there!