I've never felt more alone in my life.

[Ceilidh]

It feels like anyone I turn to they will eventualy hurt me and let me down.

I've got social anxiety so I find it hard to make friends anyway, but when I do make a friend they always somehow end up hurting me.

I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone anymore because whenever I get close to anyone they throw it back at me.

I litteraly haven't got one good person I can turn to right now, I have one 'best friend' who's a complete twat to me lately >____< he just treats me like shit.

He never used to be like this, he was the greatest friend I've ever had, but Idk what has change :( he's such a prick right now, I think I only talk to him anymore because he's the only person I think I have left.

I just feel so bad lately, I feel so empty, I feel like I should have someone right now. I just can't help but think would anyone give a shit if I just died right now? I know my parents would... but they're my parents, they only love me because they kinda have to.

[Atonement]

As for your friend, get a new one. Though it sounds so difficult now, JUst step out of your box and try to meet someone nice. Make sure that you know that they are nice, and just, go with it. I dont know what else to say but to step out of your box. Sorry.

Your parents don't have to love you. Shit, I know tons of parents that don't love their children. So they choose to and like to love you.

Since you are in a rut right now and feel like you should have someone... You have VT in the times of trouble. People here will never be asses to you or anything and its just safe. Stick in there and I wish you the best of luck finding a better friend.

Cheers

[Ceilidh]

Thank you :) That oddly made me feel alot better =))

The thing is, I don't go to school anymore because of my social anxiety and because of other medical problems... I'm starting college next month, I'm just nervous as hell, whenever I get into a big social situation I get panic attacks.

I try and tell my friend how I'm feeling, but he always jokes around with me (well tbh half of the time I don't know if he's joking or not) and it just makes me feel so much worse.

Right now I just feel like it's better to have someone than nobody at all.

I know I have to ditch him, but he has been my best friend for 3 years, it'll just be hard.

[optimashprime]

It feels like anyone I turn to they will eventualy hurt me and let me down.

I've got social anxiety so I find it hard to make friends anyway, but when I do make a friend they always somehow end up hurting me.

I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone anymore because whenever I get close to anyone they throw it back at me.

I litteraly haven't got one good person I can turn to right now, I have one 'best friend' who's a complete twat to me lately >____< he just treats me like shit.

He never used to be like this, he was the greatest friend I've ever had, but Idk what has change :( he's such a prick right now, I think I only talk to him anymore because he's the only person I think I have left.

I just feel so bad lately, I feel so empty, I feel like I should have someone right now. I just can't help but think would anyone give a shit if I just died right now? I know my parents would... but they're my parents, they only love me because they kinda have to.


i know how you feel

i was depressed for a long time
but youve got people here to talk to
speak to your family they may be able to help you

[Ceilidh]

I don't want to speak to my mum because she had depression aswell (I know that will sound like a good reason to talk to her, but it's really not) she seems to think anyone under the age of 18 who is depressed and self harms are attencion seeking for some reason :rolleyes: and my dad is emotionless /: seriously, when his dad (my grandad) died last year he even said to me "I know it sounds horrid, but I feel nothing"

[optimashprime]

ah

well then speak to us lot and we can help you or we will shure as hell try to

[Ceilidh]

Thank you <3 :)

[optimashprime]

its ok thats what we are here for to help each other

[Ceilidh]

:)

I'm glad I have this forum tbh, the last forum I posted a thread like this on people called me an attencion seeking emo :rolleyes:

[byee]

Listen, one reason to look forward to college is that you'll get a fresh start with new people in a new place. Although that sounds scary, it's also a terrific opportunity, focus on that part of it! You will be able to finally get the attention and support and fun you've been lacking and seeking! College is so different than HS.

Most Uni have health services, i;d also recommend you go the very first day and tell them about your social anxiety/panic disorder. there's effective treatment for it, a combo of talk therapy and meds, poof! No more problem, it is one of the easiest things to treat. Another reason to look forward to Uni!

[Ceilidh]

I am really looking forward to it, but another part of me thinks I'm putting all my eggs into one basket kinda thing, what if I mess up this like i did in school? :( I got bulled since I was 13 in school, I know people in college are more grown up, but ehhh... I can't help but think am I being too optimistic (sp?) with making friends there :(

I do wanna see someone for help, and may ask if they have any help in college :)

Thanks for the advice btw <3

[byee]

I think it's human nature to worry that the history will repeat itself, but try to remember that you have some ability to alter the course of events you're involved in. Try to determine (if you can) what it was in some of the situations that caused problems, and see what you can learn and apply to Uni. It really is different, and since the college experience is so encompassing, your eggs are in one basket! But, that basket is made of a much different material, college really is very different, the kids are different, but so are the rules. Being away from home really changes that, people just behave differently as a result.

Try to relax, be on guard, but realize it can be different, and that you have some control over the oucome. Keep the past in it's place.

[Ceilidh]

Yeah I know what you mean :)

I find it hard to let go of my past, it either haunts me or I miss it too much to let it go.

The problem with high school was that I missed so many days because of the bullying and the other medical problems, so I found it hard to make friends, and since I was the 'weird, quiet kid in the back' people just took advantage of that and bullied the hell out of me.

Since I missed college this year I'm gonna be a year older than a lot of the other kids in my class </3 so I'm kinda worried about that too.

Oh yeah, I thought I'd give you a heads up as you guys are being really nice to me :) I'm not talking to that guy anymore, he was being a twat to me on the phone again last night, so I can't be fucked with him anymore /: hopefully things will work out in college <3