Ready for the Truth?

[Rutherford The Brave]

Well, here it goes; I know it sounds like I have full control of my life but in all honesty I do not. There are three reasons why I stick with Noor; I love her dearly, I want to raise our daughter, and If I leave I'll have no where to live. My stress is extremely palpable, its like walking into a sauna to some "sensitive" types. Dammit I can't even take a freakin' shower cause every time I look at the dam track records at my body I feel the hate that my people have endured. I even have to deal with that my Daughter will know what it's like to be unviresally hated because she's got my Native American Genes and Noor's Morrocan Genes.

What's even worse is that I can't stop smoking and doing dip. 'Cause every time I stop using I bite through my lip until I bleed like a stuffed pig. Everyday I listen to people complain about how bad their lives are, still they Have no fucking clue what it is like to be a 8 year old kid. With 120$ dollers, broken dreams, no family and have no clue where you are going. Now the man I hate so very much that same asshole who left me 7 years ago is bribing me to come live with him with a Car. All I think about though is him blaming me for the death of my Mom.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

i know i don't know everything about your situation...
but about the racial matters.
move to canadaXD
srsly. totally not an issue here.
at least compared to everywhere eles.
plus great place to raise your kid.

and about everything eles. i know its tough but the only advice i can give you is to hang in their because it WILL get better.
take all this stuff as a test, to prove you can endure it to get to the good times.

[Sapphire]

I am sorry that you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
I don't think that you are "universally hated" because of your race. Canada is apparently enough evidence to the contrary. Save up some money and move to an area or a country where things are different to where you've been living. Go to Canada as Geek in Disguise suggested. It gets you away from it and you get the chance to take your daughter away from it before she is born and is aware of what is going on.

When you talk about dip, what do you mean?
If you are doing drugs then you need to start on your road towards stopping before your daughter comes along. I know from what you have said that you have tried and found it so difficult that you found ways to hurt yourself to deal with it. Try finding a substitute. Something you can do and work towards that will help you, instead of damaging you. Take up a sport like squash. That way you can really take all your aggression, your anger and your hurt out on the ball. Rugby is a good one, though I don't know if you have that in the USA.

With your girlfriend there to support you, you can change the way things are. It will be hard and it will take time, but you can do it together.

[byee]

Gregory, you mention your concerns about racism a lot, and maybe they're more real to you than they need to be? I think there's an unfortunate part of society (in all countries) that base their opinions and views on prejudice, and equally unfortunate, no ethnic group is exempt. This includes Native Americans and folks of North African descent, too.

I think the key here is 2 things: First, self acceptance. Often, people feel unnecessarily self conscious not so much b/c total strangers have nothing else to do but actually go out of their way to be bigots, but rather the indivdual themself is more acutely aware of their identity, and that awareness is often based more on the things that are different to them, not outsiders. Accept yourself, feel better about who you are, and maybe you won't worry as much that others will see and experience you negatively.

The second thing to do is really work on yourself and make yourself a 'better' or 'model' person. People tend to see our humanity first, and if those qualities are strong and positive, the other things that make you 'different' won't matter as much.

[theOperaGhost]

When you talk about dip, what do you mean?


Chewing tobacco/snuff.

About racism, I have yet to figure out why Native Americans are always shit on (figuratively of course) by the other races. I live close to a reservation, and even though I am Caucasian, I know how Natives can be treated.

You are obviously very stressed. Even though the tobacco is unhealthy, it could help you relieve some stress, not that I want you to keep doing it, because I do think you should quit. Try quit smoking and the dip, but don't make it the most of your worries.

[Rutherford The Brave]

The reason why we are shat on figuratively is because people always say African Americans had it the hardest. Granted that they were taking against their wills and enslaved, basically beaten down and to whites were nothing more than Trash. They were not enslaved until the Europeans realized that they nearly wiped out the entire Native American population. Even when African Americans were being enslaved Native American women were being raped,tortured and killed. The men lined up in lines that streched for miles and Hung; JUST BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN. Today people ignore the fact that we suffered just as much if not more that African Americans. Do you see atheletic teams with the title of the team being offensive to any other races? No! People back in the day used to keep Native American childrens' skulls as booby prizes, not to mention Trophies as if we were a bunch of deer.

[DaretoFallup]

wow U seem quite stressed and all and although I dont know your situation i know that racists are evil and i do not believe in racisim I'm sorry you are stressed and worried, etc. But other then what everyone else has had to say, I know ur a good person, good people always seem to have a hard time, but know that your life WILL get better.

[byee]

Gregory, there's really no future in playing the victim role. There's realy no end to who's ben victimized by whom, or whom has had it the 'worst'. Unfortunately, there's no shortage of examples of man's inhumanity to his fellow man. I'm not sure what comfort you can obtain by focusing on the inhumanity that has been demonstarted to your ancestors.

Focus on making yourself the best you can be and hope that our society is enlightened enough today to judge you differently than all our ancestors did. You cannot change history, but the future is yet to be written.

[Rutherford The Brave]

I certainly cannot change what has happened to them. But this all ties back to that freaking train ride. Me with my long hair and my burlap sack. Instead of being generous people the famelies on that dam train looked at me but said absolutly nothing. Not even a 5 doller bill so maybe I could afford one of the water's that the lady sold. No, nothing not even a conversation.

[byee]

You know, Gregory, people can be really awful. As I've said elsewhere, human beings are the only species that donlt recognize their own kind. It's pitiful, really.

I think you need to let go of this, there will be people who respond negatively to you, esp. if they see you as 'different'. You, Noor, and the baby need to find those who are more highly evolved and judge people (or perhaps more accurately, do NOT judge people) by something other than physical characteristics.

[Sapphire]

I am sorry if this offends you because that is definitely not my intenetion. But with the train ride (from what I have gathered from the little you've said here) I am not surprised that people didn't give you money. I would be surprised if anyone on a train would give anyone else money (regardless of race). It's just the world we live in. I mean, how many people do you see giving random people money? You may see a few, but it won't be many.

Apparently the area you are in makes you feel "universally hated" so I would still advise moving to an area where people don't care about race. Whether you do or whether you don't, you do need to start to let go of things. If you hold on to the bad experiences you have had (or other people have had) because of your race, it will just make you a very angry person. I know it isn't right that people treat each other like that, but being angry won't solve anything.

Ok, chewing tobacco isn't all that bad. Maybe chewing bubble gum or chewing gum would be helpful in getting you to stop. They could act as a substitute for during the process of giving up and would be useful in stopping you biting through your lip.