What Happended to Me?

[Sucks2BeMe]

I'm 15 years old and it feels like I've lost everything.

I've lost My Want to Do anything anymore

Every day is like a constant battle with my self

It like my mind is a Train, This Train is on a Straight Track when I'm feeling fine and happy and normal but then That Train gets off track and starts going on a different track Filled with Hate, Negativity, Sadness, and Low Self Esteem

I'm Sick and tired of Constantly keeping that Train on it's straight path

It's exhausting and I can't control it

I fee like everything's wrong with me

My Parents are Fucken Worthless. I got a Worthless Dad that Hasn't paid a Child support Check in 15 years, and a Mom That Tries her Best God Bless her Soul but it just doesn't cut it. She's done nothing but thought about herself my whole life, she Never did shit to help me better myself when I was a little kid and Needed someone to Look up to

I hate My Parents, I hate my Life, and I hate myself

Everyday is either filled with me Battling with my thoughts trying to keep them positive or me Just Giving in to the Negativity and Having a REAL shitty day

What am I supposed to do?



-Life is Kicking my Ass

[Rutherford The Brave]

Well, I feel your pain. You just have to remember that life is hard and you cannot let it get the best of you. You should talk to a professional really, I know it doesn't sound like a great Idea but it sounds like your life is far off the track. Still, your a strong person, you need to stay strong and kick life in the ass! Live every day to the fullest and be safe be the best you can be. Just to be safe though please talk to someone. Hope that helps.

[Sucks2BeMe]

Well, It's not that Easy Man

This Mental thing is just Ruining my life

My Sense of Humor has being Greatly Fucked up by this

I used to be a nice Happy little kid in elementary school, the Funny kid that Everyone loved

and Now I'm 15, I have NO friends, I'm an interesting person I know that, but that interesting person gets shut out by these Fucked up Negative thoughts that I can't CONTROL

I swear to god I can't control them, this has never happend to me Every b4 so I don't know what THE FUCK to do

My Brother Told me That every 7 years you go through a great change in ur body and mind, like u Switch over into this Different person and the Transition is VERY Difficult

But For me, It's FUCKING HORRIBLE!!!

It's Hitting me Soooooo hard you don't understand, and it hurts so much

Every day I try try and try but It just doesn't help

I want to Kill my self, I'm Tired to Working so hard

My Life is Worthless right now anyways

[Rutherford The Brave]

Thats why you need professional help! They will help you control these thoughts. Please, I do understand my mother passed away in the same car accident that I was in when I was 2. My father abused me for 5 years then gave me 120$ put me on a train and said go to America. I came to America a poor 8 year old Native American who can't even speak english! I lived with a family for 5 more years that didn't even know how to raise a child. Then I moved into my step mother's house where she picked up where my father left off. Then about 8 months ago, I found out that I impregnated my girlfriend. Now I work every night to support the family that is to come and guess what I'm 15. I don't have time for friends and I work way more than you know (sorry for being offensive). Life is hard, way too hard. But I went to a therapist and he helped me turn around my life. Your not the only one who has a rough life ok man?

[thesphinx]

From what you have told me I don't think this is one of those "typical" teen hormonal mood swings.
I think there is something that you haven't dealt with from the past, did you have a bad childhood?
Their are many many logical reasons for this to be happening and as hard as it is you have to not hate yourself for it.
I know that your not going to want to do this but try and see a free therapist it can help so much.
The key is to get to the root of the problem and then you will be happy again but trust me when I say you can be happy again.

[byee]

First, Welcome! Sounds like you need us.

To answer your original q, 'what happened' is that your dad abandoned the family and reneged on his responsibilities, and your mom has been so self absorbed that you feel she hasn't properly attended to your needs, either. That would contribute (if not downright cause) what you're experiencing.

The fix? I think if you get what you're missing you might feel better. It's always best to try to get that from family, that's what they're supposed to do, anyway. But, when they cannot (as is your case), I think you need to recognize this (which you, painfully, have), but instead of just feeling angry and sad about it, take it to the next step, and find substitutes. Find people and activities where you can get the attention and support and affection you're lacking.

This approach sounds like the opposite of what you're doing, you seem to pull away from people and activities, a lot do, it makes them feel better. But it doesn't, b/c it prevents you from meeting people and being engaged in activities that will 'feed' you.

Go find them, fight the urge to pull away, and get involved, and be available to people. You'll be surprised by how good it feels connecting with people and getting what you need, even of they're not famlily. Let go of the anger, that well is dry.