si prega di aiutarmi

[SirRawrsalot]

I'm really starting to wear down. Life is taking it's toll. I'm really hating everything. I know I may have a great life compared to some people, so that card doesn't need to be played. Better doesn't mean good. Honestly, I fucking hate it. I was looking forward to Italy, but my girlfriend decided that a long distance relationship wasn't going to work... I also somehow got a letter from my father inviting me to visit since I'll be in Italy. So Italy is fucked up because 1) my father knows where I am and 2) it cost me the one girlfriend I've had in my life since I was 13. so to be honest, I dont see what I have to look forward to, or how to even make this seem ok. I see people just have everything handed to them. like..wtf why couln't that be me?! I'm trying to be kind of calm typing this, but I'm kind of frantic right now. I've been sitting here in my room contemplating every possible way I could kill myself right now. I think I want some help..for better of for worse I think I need help please.

[theOperaGhost]

Elliot, I know my saying "calm down" is unproductive and pointless, but you really need to. I'm terribly sorry that your dad found out that you are going to Italy. Maybe you should reject going to Italy if it is that bad of a thing. Which I hope you don't do, because I know you were really excited about it. How long until you have to go? Maybe you could just forget about it for a while. Idk, just don't do anything drastic, Elliot, you are an intelligent guy, you will be able to figure this out, especially if you have some help.

[SirRawrsalot]

Your right, "calm down" is bullshit. I can't. My father is an evil person. He isn't the son or spawn of satin, he's satin's grandfather. It's either I go and risk being beaten or molested or whatever else he could possibly do, or stay here and hate myself even more. I'd rather neither. I really don't think I can figure it out. I'm pretty sick of figuring everything out. I have another year to go before I go there. And ill think about it every god damn second Im awake. i dont believe living is worth it. I thik that it would be nicer to cease to exist then to have to sit anxiously waiting for Italy and possibly seeing that bastard there. I can't stop thinking about everything he's done. All of a sudden when I might actually see him again in a year after like 9 years without seeing him, it just makes me think back and remember every single thing.

[theOperaGhost]

I knew the "calm down" would be bullshit, sorry.

You can reject going to Italy right? If he can find you there and hurt you, don't go. I know turning it down would be fucking terrible, but if you could get hurt there, you shouldn't hate yourself more for turning it down.

[SirRawrsalot]

i dont really care too much about getting punched a few times, it's other shit he can do. And to let him ruin my chances of a half decent life would be ruining my life. I might as well either go or kill myself. That's honestly what I think. And I think the day I see him is the day I can no longer be a pacifist.

[theOperaGhost]

Then fucking go....don't kill yourself!

[Serenity]

Elliot...I'm confused as to why there are only two options here? You're saying you can either go to Italy and face your satanic father and the evils he will inevitably put you through, on top of losing your girlfriend because of the distance, or you can stay and hate yourself for it?

First off...why would you hate yourself more for staying? If going to Italy will lose you the person you love and gain you the person you hate, why wouldn't you be more happy with staying? If you honestly think seeing your dad will lead you to extreme violence, why would you go?

Secondly...why can there not be a third option? If you MUST go somewhere, I'm sure there are other places besides Italy where your father can find you. I mean...there's a whole WORLD. Are your only choices really where you are now and Italy?

[SirRawrsalot]

I've always wanted to go back. Not at the price of seeing him though. And my girlfriend wont come back to me, so it's probably not distance. I asked "if i stay will you stay with me?" no... Italy is also where I got my full ride for college. So, yes, either here of there.

[Serenity]

Well first off you need to figure out what the deal is with your gf. If you guys have been together since you were 13, that's 4 years. Your relationship should be serious enough that she can tell you why she wants to end it without hiding behind things like you potentially moving to Italy, which apparently is not even the issue.

Then you need to look at life. You got a full ride to college. Can you afford to pass that up? I'm gonna be honest with you- if I get a full ride anywhere I don't give a damn what kind of hell I have to put up with. I'm takin it. This is YOUR FUTURE we're talking about here. Don't get hung up on the past or present. Think about it. The course of the rest of your life could literally hang on this decision. Is it worth passing up?

As far as your father goes...idk what's happened between you two but from the sounds of it it was pretty heinous. If it was that bad, get a frickin restraining order. Seriously.

[theOperaGhost]

I think you really should go. It's a full ride for college. I'm also sorry about your girlfriend. Everything just seems to go bad for you all at the same damn time. This is a grand opportunity though. I don't know what to do about your father though.

[josh92]

Dude Italy is a big place. Unless he knows where your going to be going to school or something then go, the chances of him finding and recognizing you after 9 years are slim.