brainsapped
July 30th, 2008, 04:04 PM
PLEASE help me out...( i have never told anyone about this, seriously, and im hoping this could help!)im going through the same problems as most of the people here, and i think im a bit older too. im 17years old, and i think im sexually confused. ive never met a guy i was attracted too in anyway, but i do find transexuals online attractive, and its weird at night because i cant get the porn flicks out of my head, especially the ones with penises and it just scares me. i have no idea why i find trannys online attractive, but it keeps me up every night and is on my head 24/7. when i was younger i would hang around my grandparents house with my cousin and he would always boss me around and it sucked, but i really liked playing games so he would play games with me sometimes( he is a homosexual and i know that now)(not that theres anything wrong with that) and one day he had this really kool game for the N64 and he said he wanted to have sex with me and i could play, just so he could see how it felt, and i told him it didnt work that way and hell no and i went to go tell his mom. idk if that messed me up, but man did that suck i was about age 3-5 maybe when this happened. later on in life i discovered porn and stuff 6th grade around and i would masterbate to victoria secret catolgs for along time, like maybe 10 times tops(in the 6th grade) and was attracted to girls but wary and self concious because i was fat then. i also went though a faze when i put on pantyhose..i donjt want to talk about it though..just weird, i liekd how it felt though. in middle school i had a couple of relationships, bad ones with girls and i never really 'loved' them.in highschool i had 2 girl friends, i was never sexually active though, i could have been but i was scarred i guess and inexpierienced, does that make me gay?i really liked them alot, but i was too young i guess.im still a virgin, and out of highschool, and im really worried about this problem.it keeps me up at night alot, and never gets off of my mind. ive never been attracted to men, or people i have known i think, but i think the internet kind of desensitized me to pretty girls...i just dont know anymore, and since my couisin and aunt are gay, it scares me to think i might be too, my mother also went through a small period of this, but is now happily remarried. this is just really confusing for me, and id rather be straight, it just feels like sometimes there is someone in my head messing with me, making me always worry about this, this truly makes me never happy, always kinda depressed, or i obbsesivley worry about othere things so im perpetually in a state of worry...PLEASE HELP!