Just thought I'd ask.

[Jaredx]

Hey there, I'm Jared and new to these forums.


Not sure if this is the right section or if it's been posted before (I checked), but I have a question and I'll make it short and simple:

I'm a virgin and the girl I'm dating isn't. I'm not really to worried about it but my heart did drop a bit. When she told me, she started to cry because it brought back memories of her mother taking her to get a pregnancy test and she said it made her feel bad. Is this something I should just forget about, and not let it bother me? Just move on right?

[The Batman]

Just don't worry about it because a lot of teenagers are losing their virginity at younger ages. Just be happy that she told you herself and that you didn't hear it from the guy she had sex with. She feels guilty about it so why not let her know that it doesn't change how you feel about her.

[Jaredx]

Thank you, LightxInxDarkness. I figured as much. I'm just happy I've found a place where I can ask for advice.

[theOperaGhost]

Well, welcome to VT, Jared! My name is Jared, too. If I may ask, how old are you? I don't think you should have to find a girlfriend that is a virgin. Just because she isn't a virgin, doesn't mean you can't be with her. Just make sure she's not, well I hate to put it this way, but a "slut". If she gets around, don't be with her, if she has just had sex a couple of times, there shouldn't be any problem.

[byee]

Hi Jared, I'm glad you found us, too. I'm Sam.

I think part of being in a relationship at any age is the process of unfolding yourself to another person. And sometimes, what you hear is unexpected and maybe a little unsettling. But, that's a part of getting close.

It sounds as if your sweetie feels close enough and safe enough with you to share something very personal and very traumatic to her, I suppose there's 2 parts to her message: The physical/sexual part (that she's been sexually active), and the emotional/psychological part: That she thought she was pregnant, and whatever issues she might have had sharing this with her mother. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for her.

I think it's important to be able to acknowledge your feelings about this, but to really not make them too primary here. This is really about her, she's experienced something pretty unsettling, and she's telling you for a reason, probably to alert you to something that's happened that shouldn't have, maybe to let you know that she feels close enough to share this with you, maybe because your relationship is moving towards a more sexual one. But perhaps most importantly, Jared, to let you know she feels vulnerable about things sexual and getting hurt. But whatever it is, Jared, her sharing this is about her, not you. You have to be supportive and understanding and not focus on your reaction. Loving someone often means putting their needs first.

With time and support, she'll continue to unfold, and you'll have a better understanding of what it is she needs from you. Until then, try to be supportive, and to not focus on your reaction to this. It really is a compliment that she feels safe enough to share with you perhaps the scariest moment in her life.

[Jaredx]

In response to Jared: Hey there, nice name, haha. I am seventeen years old. I understand what you mean completely, and no she is not a "slut"

In response to Sam: Nice to meet you Sam. Things are fine now, but I will admit I did react to bit to this. You bring me a whole new point-of-view to consider.


Thank you LightxInxDarkness, Jared, and Sam. You guys have been a huge help to me.

[Mr. Smithers]

I'm glad you found the help that you needed. Feel free to ask anything.

[theOperaGhost]

In response to Jared: Hey there, nice name, haha. I am seventeen years old. I understand what you mean completely, and no she is not a "slut"

In response to Sam: Nice to meet you Sam. Things are fine now, but I will admit I did react to bit to this. You bring me a whole new point-of-view to consider.


Thank you LightxInxDarkness, Jared, and Sam. You guys have been a huge help to me.

You're welcome and no problem. Always glad to help.

[Oblivion]

I'm surprised I haven't seen this yet.
Although i agree with everyone, that the sexual and mental relationship between you must be very good for her to share that with you, if you two have sex, make sure that she doesn't have any and she didn't get any, STDs or STIs.
Although it is unlikely she got it from one sexual encounter, it is possible, specially if he was unprotected.

[Vampir3Saliva]

Don't worry about it. I've dated guys who are not Virgins before even though I am. It shouldn't distrupt your relationship. It happened in the past, and what's done is done. Just move on and forget about it.

[Zan0ra]

Be thankful she told you and not someone else. She is obviously not happy about it. And she would want to put it behind her. And you better do as well.