I can't sleep keep reliving the moment...my brother...ug

[DaretoFallup]

Ok, my brother lives with my dad, I live with my mom. I went to visit him this weekend, all was well....until....

Ok, We were playing baseball and I was tired. I told my bro I was going to go sit down, and watch him and my nephew play. I went to get the quad to sit on. Next thing i know my brother walks over and randomly snaps....He pulls me off the quad with so much force i thought i was going to freaking die. Next thing i know I'm on the ground and hes just yelling at me with so much anger in his eyes, something I've never seen before in fourteen years. I run inside (dont yell at me for being a "baby" as most people would call it) but I told my dad that he had a bit of an anger problem and to watch out. (it was almost dinnertime) My dad said, "what happened" I told him and my step mom talks to him and his whole body was shaking with anger, its that moment that bothers me the most. Knowing what he did to me in the past, and seeing all that anger know. It scares me to know that if I didn't run inside, he probably would have kept after me, and I'm afraid of what he could've done to me.

Anyway now I can't sleep cause I keep reliving that moment.

[raiders rule]

I wouldnt call you a baby, i think you did the right thing. Your brother is probally a lot bigger and stronger and could have hurt you,(how old are you two), there must have been something really bothering him, if your not to scared i would try and talk it out with him, how long ago did this happen?

[DaretoFallup]

This happened about 5 hours ago, and as soon as my step mom was done talking to me I called my mom to come get me, I'm 13 and my brother's almost 15.

I'm terrified, and never want to see him again

[Oblivion]

Thats really terrible
What made him so angry?
You should talk to your mom/dad about getting him to anger management, or a therapist.
And i would just stay away from him if i were you.
Next time if you get the chance to go, just say politely 'No thank you'
Or if you want to see your dad, you can see him while your bro is gone

[DaretoFallup]

yeah, my mom tried to get him to anger management when he still lived with us, but he never went. So now i guess his anger just builds, ive just never seen that b4, it was really freaky.

[Oblivion]

Yeah... Do you have any idea what made him so mad?
Maybe it can reduce the chances of it happening again if you knew why it happened?

[Zan0ra]

Perhaps try talking it off with your brother? Maybe he's still angry because your parents your parents slit up. Really sorry that this has happened to you.

[Sapphire]

It was probably a build up of emotions that he's been experiencing and you (somehow) triggered him to lose control.

My brother and I have been in a similar situation (I was the one that lost control over a small thing) and he steered clear of me for a few days during which my mum talked to me etc. I was already in counselling so she didnt have to try to convince me to go or anything.

Your dad and step mum know what happened and can try to make sure it doesn't happen again. They are dealing with it now. Give it a few days and he will probably have calmed down enough.

You can try talking with him and finding out what triggered him to get like that. But, try to keep your mind off of what could have happened because it's just going to cause you more worry. The truth is that you don't know what would have happened and so you could just be causing yourself to freak out even more than you need to.

[byee]

Well, what did he do to you in the past? You say that it brought that up. What was it?

If you and he have a history of these things happening, then each time it happens, it feels much worse because of all the accumulated stuff. Maybe that's why you're so freaked out now, it's this incident + all the others.

If you feel unsafe with your brother, it's really important for your parents to know this, and take the steps to safeguard your well being, and intervene to make it stop. Being 'angry' is one thing, expressing it physically is violent, and therefore potentially dangerous. You and they need to work up a plan to keep you safe, they need to 1) know the extent and severity of your bros problem, and 2) know how firghtened you are, 3) Take the steps to ensure your bro is under control, esp. when you're together, and if that should even be an option right now.

I think you and he need to have some talks about all this, but only under supervision, so it's safe for you. There's a lot of work to be done here, and your parents need to be made more aware of the seriousness of the siutation and do whatever needs to be done to make this right. I think you'll be able to let go of it and sleep if there was a plan in place to address it, your sleeplessness is the result of your continuing sense of vulnerability.

[The Batman]

You did the smartest and safest thing you could do. Now that your dad and step mom know they can get him some counseling and he can learn to control his temper.

[DaretoFallup]

Yeah, when I got home my mom knew i was still upset later so she called my dad today (this I dodn't know of til my step mom called me) My stepmom said he felt he always got the worst end in all our arguments/fights, and when my exstepdad used to abuse him, a combination of those i guess triggered him to get angry. The problem here is my brother should be telling me this instead of my step mom, but i'm hoping to go up to the upper peninsula with them, but no so sure i want to now, which really sucks.

Also If I didn't have all of you in VT I don't know what I would have done.

(20 min b4 i made this thread i was pacing around the house crying and shaking and my mom was sleeping, i felt lost...then i remembered VT (getting off track i know) sorry) anyway hopefully they'll get my brother into counceling because, right now hes not living very healthy if he has THAT much emotion built up inside, and now i am able to see from his point of view.


(thanks everyone)

[Sapphire]

If he hasn't started the conversation with you then why not take that step yourself? It would do you both a lot of good to talk with each other about this stuff. I know that it is scary and nerve-wrecking, but if you can both do it, it will be very beneficial.

[byee]

Yeah, when I got home my mom knew i was still upset later so she called my dad today (this I dodn't know of til my step mom called me) My stepmom said he felt he always got the worst end in all our arguments/fights, and when my exstepdad used to abuse him, a combination of those i guess triggered him to get angry. The problem here is my brother should be telling me this instead of my step mom, but i'm hoping to go up to the upper peninsula with them, but no so sure i want to now, which really sucks.

Also If I didn't have all of you in VT I don't know what I would have done.

(20 min b4 i made this thread i was pacing around the house crying and shaking and my mom was sleeping, i felt lost...then i remembered VT (getting off track i know) sorry) anyway hopefully they'll get my brother into counceling because, right now hes not living very healthy if he has THAT much emotion built up inside, and now i am able to see from his point of view.


(thanks everyone)

I'm glad this helps!

I don't think the issue here is your brother (or you, for that matter) 'understandng' his behavior, it's about him controlling himself. And, his excuse that he gets the short end of the stick also misses that crucial point: It's about his reaction, not the trigger. No matter what happens, it's really not OK to menace someone else the way he did/does.

I am, however, optmistic about your family's quick response to this. They seem aware of the inappropriateness of it, and that's the first step to fixing it. I'd encourage you to continue to talk with your parents about your concerns, don't consider this 'over' until he's in a place where he can not only realize that it is his reaction to his feelings that are the cause of the problem, but also the underlying life events that caused them to be there in the first place.

[Sapphire]

don't consider this 'over' until he's in a place where he can not only realize that it is his reaction to his feelings that are the cause of the problem, but also the underlying life events that caused them to be there in the first place.

What do you mean by the word "place"? As in emotionally and psychologically? Or physically?

I'm only asking so I can better understand what you are saying.

[byee]

What do you mean by the word "place"? As in emotionally and psychologically? Or physically?

I'm only asking so I can better understand what you are saying.

Golly, I sure hope you're asking just to better understand what I'm saying, and not looking for a confrontation here.

My response was directed at the OP, let's see if he has difficulty following along. Otherwise, if you must, we can address your concerns privately.

[Sapphire]

Golly, I sure hope you're asking just to better understand what I'm saying, and not looking for a confrontation here.

My response was directed at the OP, let's see if he has difficulty following along. Otherwise, if you must, we can address your concerns privately.

I was simply asking because the word "place" could have one of two very different meanings. The OP would benefiit from this ambiguity being clarified because then they could understand your post and advice as it was meant.

[DaretoFallup]

anyway i talked to my stepmom again and told her i refuse to see my brother until he goes to a therapist as well. my brother and i both need to see one, for multiple reasons, but it seems my step mom and dad wont take him, therefore im not seeing by bro until then but if her gets on IM i'll try to talk to him.

[byee]

I think you might need to address the issue with your folks a bit differently! It almost sounds like you're either threatening them or giving them an ultimatum that "unless they take him to a therapist......." This isn't the best way to get them to understand your concerns, and risks you being seen as defiant (which, of course, you're not).

Try explaining to them how unprovoked his attack was on you, and how out of control and unreasonable he was, and what the history of this has been. Let them know that you really fear for your safety, that he's really 'wild' when he comes after you, and that you cannot feel comfortable in his presence until he gets a handle on this, and that the seriousness and length of time it's been going on really make you feel that some professional intervention is required.

Parents respond best to observations and facts, drama gets in the way, so make sure you're very calm and you lay it all out in a very matter of fact way, the data really do support your concerns. By remaining calm and laying out your case observationally, the issue stays on your brother's out of control, menacing behaviors and not your demands.

Oh, and I'm glad you were able to understand my previous posts and found them helpful!

[DaretoFallup]

See, I'm always calm and am able to support my thoughts with facts, but that family has also brainwashed eachother into thinking my mom and i are horrible people, and they wont believe a word we say. Like, i love my brother and I love my dad, but my step mom has a tight leash on them and has brainwashed them to the point of no commen sense.

idk ,rly i dont think i ever want to see my brother again anyway.

[byee]

It makes it harder if they won't allow themselves to accept what you're saying. What is it they don't believe? I thought your brother fessed up to it? I thought they knew he has self control issues?

If there's a larger issue of trust here, their need to believe you and think independently of your SM, then that needs to be addressed as a part of the discussion.

But, the issue really isn't the 'leash' your dad is on, it's your brother's violent behavior. Try to keep it focused on that, maybe by talking with him alone first, and making a plan with him to keep you safe.

[DaretoFallup]

I'm trying to talk to my brother, but he like doesn't respond, which doesn't surprise me.

I try to talk to my dad, but if hes uncomfortable with the subject he'll say he has to go or change the subject.

I really dislike my stepmom, but will get along with her.

I love my brother, but I don't feel safe around him, and if the adults wont address this issue, then it's really hard for me to do anything.

[Sapphire]

How many times has something like this happened? How often are you around him without your mum, your dad or your step-mum? When you were talking with your brother, was it over IM or on the phone? Were you talking about what had happened or something more trivial?

He may be more talkative on the phone and on "safe" topics like TV. It is to be expected that things between you both would be strained after something like this happening. The fact that your step mum spoke to him about it has probably played a role in this as well. Give it a bit of time and let things die down a bit. You never know, you may find hiim more forthcoming then.

[byee]

I'm trying to talk to my brother, but he like doesn't respond, which doesn't surprise me.

I try to talk to my dad, but if hes uncomfortable with the subject he'll say he has to go or change the subject.

I really dislike my stepmom, but will get along with her.

I love my brother, but I don't feel safe around him, and if the adults wont address this issue, then it's really hard for me to do anything.


You might need to bring this up to them again, stay at it. Maybe they don't appreciate the seriousness of this, you might need to continue to discuss the history b'twn you and your bro, as well as your ongoing sense of unease being with him. It takes a while to change someone's perceptions, that's what you're doing here, giving them enough info over a period of many talks to help them see yor bros behavior a bit differently than they do.

I'm not sure it's wise to talk with him directly, it doesn't sound as if he recognizes the seriousness of his actions, nor does he show an appreciation of your reaction to them. Under those circumstances, an unsupervised talk can provoke him further. You can tell him that you are afraid of him, and that you don't want to be with him until there's some agreement in place to better assure your safety, but I'd be relauctant to really get into it too much with him unsupervised. That's for your folks (and hopefully a therapist) to do.

[DaretoFallup]

My brother and I both play world of warcraft so when he logs on i try to say hi or whatever but i get no response so i wont be able to talk to him, and im going to try to keep talking to my step mom and dad about the situation, and hopefully this'll get straitened out soon. (i think i spelled that wrong) Cause I do love my brother, but I'm not going to go around him until he knows the seriousness of his own anger issue and my step mom and dad, too.