Things have went bad...

[Rangers]

Please read this, something's wrong.

I have never cut myself, on purpose. I tend to punch things when I'm angry, but this is mostly down to Rangers getting scored into, or losing at a game. Or, I just scream.

But, recently it's silly wee things that just annoy the f*ck right out me. For example, yesterday. I went into my Mum's room and looked out the window to see who was in the street and I sat on the bed. I accidently sat on my Dad's jeans that she'd just ironed at she gave me a telling off. I don't know why but it just triggered something and I felt like jumping into a Wood Chipper. I punched the wall going back into my room and was fuming for hours after. I didn't talk to her for 2 days either.

Question is, why did I want to cut myself for the first time even though when I know people have done it I think What are they all about'.

Now I have a good life. It's not like my parents are bad to me and shout at me at any excuse. They're really good to me, treat me well, buy me nice things etc. My brothers sound aswell. Recently just got the girl of my dreams. Now, for the best part. At 15 years old, I was scouted by Glasgow Rangers and I now hold the Right-Back slot at U-19 level and I'm only 16. This is a dream for any boy from Scotland, playing for your favorite team in the world that you'd do anything to see them win. It seems that I have a brilliant life, why would I want to end it?

I don't want to talk to anyone about it that I know, hence why I'm posting on here. I have lots and lots of friends, through several sports clubs, school etc, but there's 2 that I always want to talk to. Both, were friends since I started school when I was 5. We all have the same type of humour, and get on unbelievably well but we're all different in ways. One of them never, ever talks about feelings and the other will openly express theirs. You'd think I would talk to one of them, but I still haven't.

This may sound weird but there's always one thing that cheers me up, no matter what's happened to who, where and when. It's the music of Jon Schmidt. He's an unbelievably talented musician who plays the piano. I've put his music onto my phone so that I can listen to it wherever I go, whenever. Is that sad?

Anyway, these urges to punch a wall or scream have turned into urges to cut. Whats happened?

[byee]

Well, what's happened is you're getting worse, your inability to control your intense emotions are getting worse. You're going from hitting walls to wanting to cut yourself, you're going down hill here. You need to put the brakes on.

I'm not sure why you lack that self control, everyone feels frustrated and angry, those are normal emotions, but most people can deal with them effectivley enough so it doesn't result in some physcal outburst or a brooding emotional state over many days. Is anyone else like this in your family? Have you always been this way?

Maybe you need to make a more conscious effort to recognize when you're really getting upset, and then use that as a cue to do something to relieve the tension before you blow. Maybe Jon's music, a walk, or convo with someone nearby can help you.

If these things, a little awareness + some techniques to relieve the stress dont work, then as much as you might not want to, it might be best to get to a therapist and figure out why you cannot control yourself and 'earn better ways of dealing with intense emotion. There's a clear trend here, and it;s not a good one (as you recognize). Something needs to change, either you can do that, or you need some help with it.

[Sapphire]

First off, I am glad that you didn't give in to the urge to cut. It is a slippery slope and you do not want to get caught up in it all. The fact that you are wanting to cut rather than punch walls is worrying. It is a sign that the latter is no longer enough to rid yourself of the tension you feel. It is an escalation. You can't just let things carry on in this way.

Don't worry about not wanting/being able to talk to your friends. It isn't a dreadful thing to feel. It simply means that you have to find someone else to talk things through with. That's why hotlines, counselling and sites like this exist.

It is a very good thing that you have Jon's music on your phone. If you find this helps you come out of a bad mood then you have already found a way to help yourself. When you get tense or stressed, take yourself away from the stressor and listen to your music. Sometimes just going for a walk in the nearby park or woods can help you to calm down. Just talking to friends about random stuff can get you thinking of other things and calm you down.

[Rangers]

I'm not sure why you lack that self control, everyone feels frustrated and angry, those are normal emotions, but most people can deal with them effectivley enough so it doesn't result in some physcal outburst or a brooding emotional state over many days. Is anyone else like this in your family? Have you always been this way?



Always I suppose. Since I was young, I've always been a sore loser. For example, when a goal is scored into me, hit a bad shot at golf, I go mental. It's an anger issue that's turning into Cutting. I don't want to go down that path.

[Zan0ra]

Sounds like mood swings to me. They happen. Its part of life. But it may also be some anger issues. I suggest a therapist and possibly get you a squeaky toy that you can use when your angry.

I have never cut in my life, and I never plan to. Its a stupid thing to do. We are all here trying to help you. Hope I have helped

[byee]

It's good you recognize that this pattern isn't a good one and that you want it to change. If you've been doing it thru your life, it makes it more difficult to change b/c it's such a part of you. But you can do it. As I suggested, first recognize that feeling when you are about to lose control, then use that as a cue to do something diff, like walk away, exert some self control.

if you can't do this on your own, it would be good to get to a therapist who can help you, before you start cutting.

[Rangers]

Thanks for the help, the three of you.

It may just be mood swings, or anger issues but I just needed to ask someone. I don't want to go and see a therapist.

On the cutting issue. IF I done it, I would think of myself as someone who gives in too easily. Imagine I told my team-mates and manager that I cut myself... :confused:.

But, there is a part of me that is curious to try it. I know I don't want to do it but I'm not sure what'll happen.

[byee]

Listen, this is one of those curiosities better left that way!

Work on identifying the urge, then do something before it reaches that point where you lose control.