the truth will set you free (yea right)

[Fiending_the_freedom]

The reason I haven't been writing,

I'm simply afraid.

Afraid that if i take the time to sit down, and think about my thoughts, i'll make up some stupid reason to be depressed.

i wonder is this is how its always going to be.



I don't know what has happened in my past to convince me im not worthy of be treated right, or being loved.

But what ever it was, I believe it.





i try not to think about how ive been depressed for the last 5 years, horribly.

and i hate how ive learned, and accepted, that this isn't just a phase, this is how im going to be, unless i take the meds, which i hate.

I THINK SO GODDAMN MUCH.



JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!



I'm putting ideas into my own head. thats what i always do.



i love to sabotage myself.

pathetic.



How long am i going to let this go on for?

is there anyone like me?
anyone just waiting for themselves to snap?


am i afraid of changing because i don't think i can, or because i secretly don't want to?



rinseandrepeatrinseandrepeatrinseandrepeatrinseandrepeatrinseandrepeat.



we're going in circles (or is it just me?)

i have no urges to cut anymore.
ha.
how long shall this last?

relapse. thats the circle i've been following the last 5 years of my life. thats all i know.
(just quitting until the next time you use)
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A NEXT TIME.

you addict.
stop rambling.
who are you trying to fool?
(you're only trying to fool yourself)
it'll never work.

[Zephyr]

I know how you feel.
I feel like a ticking time bomb,
On a constant cycle,
Hating that I have to take meds.
Thinking way too much,
Making a reason up for depression.