Losing a good friend

[Nemo]

I actually just posted this in the Dirty Secrets thread:


Im starting to think I wasted my time with you, I thought you cared, you wanted me to trust you, and when i did you couldnt handle the truth, and now i regret it........but i miss you so much

-to a friend whom i am, day by day, slowly losing faith in

but what breaks my heart the most is that i feel like she going to forget about me, that after we completely part paths she wont even remember my name. In a few years time i will be completely forgotten. This breaks my heart because i dont have many really good friends and i thought she was one of them but now i am questioning this, she could just be a good liar... i f*****g cared about her more than anyone else... and she let me down.

she wanted me to trust her and i told her everything, about my problem with suicidal thought which ive been pretty okay with lately. But she couldnt handle the truth and she still cant handle it :(

This is more just to get my feelings out but some discussion would be nice too

[byee]

Hi Sean. I've been following this, but out of respect for Elliot, I didn't interfere. Besides, he got an "A+" (as he most often does!), so there was no need for me to jump in to that other thread you guys had.

But, you're stuck with me now.

I think that your needs in a relationship might be a bit different than *hers*, hence her inability to tolerate the stuff you shared with her, and respond in a way that you needed. I'm sorry for you about that, i think she missed out on something pretty good. You have some real depth and sensitivity, and that's something that will serve you much better with an *older* audience, when you're there, too.

It hurts when we don't get what we want in a relationship, but I think it's a mistake to think that b/c it didn't work out, it was meaningless and irrelevant to her. It probably wasn't, even if she cannot/wouldn't acknowledge it. Rather, your needs and expectations were different, it says more about her, than you. That happens, you know, you have to be prepared for the possibility that could happen.

It takes a while to find the right person, not everyone has the same needs or expectations in relationships, you have to keep trying and you have to keep looking. Until then, you feel badly enough, there's no need to denigrate the time you spent together or think that you're meaningless or forgetful to her. It just didn't work out, don't take it personally, it wasnt meant that way.

For now, treat this like you would any other injury, treat it with a little more TLC, maybe some chocolate, get some support, and with time, you'll put this into perspective and be ready for another.

[raiders rule]

I would really listen to what Sam says, heed his advice, he can really help you.(This post is constuctive TOO.Hahahah). :)

[Nemo]

Thank you for your reply Sam :)

I agree, Elliot did help me alot (if youre reading this: thank you)

I understand what youre saying. Her needs are different actually... she has alot of friends, she never needed me to make her happy because she could find happiness elsewhere. I cant say that makes me feel any better, but its true, i just wish it wasnt.

I feel like it was meaningless to her because i started to get the impression that i wasnt very important, and ill never know the truth

[byee]

Sean, I doubt you were 'meaningless' to her, I think you're probably being too harsh on yourself. Maybe you were just too much for her, it wasn't the right time in her life for you. You wanted something that she didn't, you seem to have advanced needs and expectations. That's a good thing, you just need time for the rest of your peers to catch up! Maybe at some point she'll come to regret her decision.

Take care of yourself, be extra nice to yourself during this hard time. If there's something to be learned here is that maybe you need (and deserve) to have a lot of peo'le who you are close with, so that you;re not so especially dependent on just that one. I'm surprised you don't have that, you seem to have many of the qualities people would be drawn to.

[Nemo]

Shes too stubborn to admit that she regrets her decision. Besides we are both going into our senior year of high school just before we part paths.

This may sound too sensitive or needy coming from a guy, but i feel like i need to be loved and cared for and I need to have a person/people that I love and care about or else I feel alone.

[byee]

Is she stubborn, or does she just not see it? She might not be able to recognize the same things you do, Sean. You might have more awareness than she does.

I don't think it's 'needy' to want to be loved, actually it shows a bit of depth on your part, wanting something emotionally gratifying in the relationship. As I said, amybe you need to either be more selective, or lower your expectations for a while.

[Nemo]

She probably doesn't see it, but even if she did she would be too stubborn to admit it. I'm not trying to insult her stubbornness, we are all stubborn at times.

I know you're right... I'm just disappointed in how things turned out. I miss her way more than I should

[byee]

(Finding Nemo was a favorite movie of mine, btw)

Yeah, loss is hard, but it's easier if you can see that sometimes it's the 'relationship' that you miss, rather than just the person. Your person sounds kinda selfish, actually. Maybe it's the feelings of being in a relationship you're missing the most?

By missing the 'relationship', it makes it easier to see that it can (and will) be replaced, that what you're feeling isn't permanant.

[Nemo]

Finding Nemo was a great movie, but thats actually not where i got it from lol My favorite book is Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, by Jules Verne. The captain of the submarine's (the Nautilus) name was Nemo. Nemo actually means Nobody (or No one) in Latin.

Anyway, I don't want to say she is selfish, i do know she handles things in weird ways though. Maybe it is the relationship i miss but i never met anyone else like her, there's definitely no one else that I am even acquaintances with right now that has the qualities that i need in a friend. You were right before... i DO need something that people my age just don't really care about right now. I mean they care, but they don't think it as a necessity.

This is exactly why im dreading my senior year, because there's no one else that shares my mindset. Im really looking forward to college though because I can leave home and discover that there is more out there for me, and maybe i can meet people that can relate to me. But this requires getting through senior year unfortunately.

Sometimes I wish i was like everyone else

[byee]

Sean, I know exactly how you feel, and let me tell you, you do NOT want to be like every one else. It might seem like it would be easier, and I suppose in some ways it might. But, what you'd have to give up wouldn't be worth it. Needing to have a deeper connection with others and recognizing the value in that is something to cherish about yourself, not wish away.

You'll get thru your senior year just fine, you'll be so caught up with the whole college visitation/application process, it'll be so consuming and so distracting (and so exciting when it's not totally stressing you out) that the year will really pass quickly and without incident. And, when you're in college, you'll see how your gift will suddenly be an asset to you, and others who are lucky enough to share your life with you.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

for things like those my feeling r cover with a sheld made of pure rock n not every one can get 2 them so if something like that happens 2 me it would not b such a big deal

[Nemo]

oh my f*****g god! she told my guidance counselor about my problems before, like the suicidal stuff... and the the guidance counselor called my mom and she only made it worse. wtf... :(

[Nemo]

She told me she is afraid of me... what i haven't said is that i tried hurting myself a little while back, it didn't do anything for me so im not going to do it again, but she said that if i can hurt myself, then whats stopping me from hurting anyone else (including her)? Im not that kind of person, i wouldnt hurt anyone else...

This really really hurt me it made me feel like a monster, it was too much

[byee]

Sean, you're dealing with a teenager. She can't understand what you're experiencing or doing, she recognizes the intensity of it, but she canlt make sense of it, maybe b/c she has never dealt with it herself, maybe b/c she's just kinda selfish, as see's things only from her perspective, how it could be about her, who knows. But, what''s pretty clear is that her needs are very different than yours, this wasn't a good match.

Try not to take what happened personally, try not to see it as a reflection of what she thought of you, I don't think it was. She can't appreciate or understand what she sensed about you, this often happens.

[Nemo]

we're not friends anymore anyway, so whatever.

im still dealing with my parents knowing about everything, and when i have to go back to school, im sure im going to have to deal with my guidance counselor, thats what im worried about now

[byee]

Sean, I understand you're hurting a lot now, but try to remember that her leaving you isn't necessarily all a bad thing. She seems unable to meet your needs, and under those circumstances, it might be better to be without her. That way, you're available for someone who can. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it gives some hope, I think you need that now (and, it's true, too).

In time, you'll feel better and see that there's a someone out there for you.

Do not worry about the guidance counselor, she is there to help. Tell her what you need to be better in school, let her smooth the way for you to start the school year right.

Do you have a private therapist you can address all this with?

[Nemo]

I understand...

I do fine in school I dont think i need the guidance counselor's help except with college stuff. I just dont want to be bugged about it. She'd probably help more than my mom did though. I know my mom was just upset, but she made me cry (i know im a guy but we have emotions too...)

And no i dont have a private therapist. I dont really want to talk to anyone. Im trying to deal with it on my own, that was my plan before, and thats my plan even after my parents found out.

[byee]

Ok, it's Ok to keep personal stuff out of school and not talk with the GC about it, as long as this stuff doesn't interfere with school work.

And a lot of people prefer to not talk with others about their feelings, although you say that, yet you seem to get something from talking, at least here. Maybe the people or the place or the situation is what needs to be right for you to feel comfortable opening up. That's different (and easier) to address than just saying 'nyet' to all talking.

You'll be Ok, these things take time, to heal, but also to find the right person to share yourself and your heart with.

[Nemo]

thanks for helping me btw

and youre right, i like having people to talk to, but i dont want to go out of my way to talk to someone that I dont know (online is different, its not really out of my way), i like having people to talk to that care about me when its not their job to care... dont get me wrong, i want those same people to come to me if they need my help too... but theres no one there for me

i think ill be okay eventually, but i cant get her out of my head... its so ridiculous... im pretty sure im not going to be able to replace that relationship until i go off to college, and i dont want this to eat me away for a whole year. I know you cant help with that, i just need to figure out how to forget, ill figure it out... its just like this pain thats on my shoulders right now... its a pain in my heart. Sorry... sometimes im just too emotional :(