spanking fetish

[Jackie bell]

I can't get rid of this fetish. No matter how hard i try it just comes back and taps me on the shoulder. I'm 14 and I love spankings. I want to get rid of this but i Just can't. Self spankings do not work or anything of that sort, nothing is working, i've tried "putting" my mind onto something else but it just won't go away. PLease if anyone has any advice they can give me, i'll be forever thankful. If you need to ask questions about my spanking fetish go ahead.

[Techno Monster]

Everyone has things that get them off. I'm sure most people have fetishes too. Though I do have a question, Why get rid of it? Fetishes are completely normal.

[Jackie bell]

I do know that fetishes are normal it's just that it bothers me to have of all fetishes, a feeling of wanting to be over somebodies lap getting a spanking. I just don't want it. It arouses me yes, it's just something i don't want. For my whole life i've always given my self spankings, my mom gives me spankings when i get in trouble and that turns me on, i just want to get rid of it. I don't really know why, I just do. I know sit's not bad to have a fetish but still.. I don't know what it is.

[MrPinnick17]

You can't really get rid of it. A lot of people you know have fetishes but you probably don't know what they are. I wouldn't be worried about somebody finding out, I mean how would they know? Just don't let it get out of control, there is a time to think about things like this, and even more times when you shouldn't.

[byee]

OK, remember that a fetish is something non sexual that is REQUIRED for arousal or performance, it's not just enjoyable. You need it, otherwise you cannot feel/perform sexually.

If your mom used to spank you, it probably got caught up with some other things you were feeling at the time, you associated the spanking with those erotic feelings, and now they are paired. That's how fetishes often develop, btw, a pairing of sexual feelings with something totally not sexual that occurs at the same time. And, for whatever reason, they overpower the erotic and become required for them to occur.

You have a couple of choices, the first is to find other things to fantasize about, the other is to talk it out with a therapist and de couple the spanking and the erotic feelings.

[Jackie bell]

So you think it was something that was formed with an erotic feeling.. i'd honestly like to de couple it.. but wouldn't I need to know what the erotic feeling was first? And theres no way i'd want anyone to find out... just because to me, it's very embarassing when it probably shouldn't be. And how would i go to a therapist without my mother knowing?

[byee]

That's what you would need to find out in therapy, what was erotic about your mom spanking you in the first place. Once you figure that out and work on it, you can de couple it.

There's nothing to be embarassed about, there's nothing shameful about this. It's just a 'thing' that you need to better understand, you're not purposely doing it, it developed from some experiences you had, tthat you also had no control over. Knowledge = the cure for whatever ails you, when you understand where your feelings/urges/desires come from, it's easier to figure out why you behave the way you do. The understanding makes it easier to control the behavior.

[Jackie bell]

It's easy to say that you have nothing to be embarassed about. But it seems weird that of all types of fetishes there are... I just fell inlove with spanking.. i long to be spanked by my mom again, yet I don't want to at the same time because i'm afraid to.. afraid to get wet and what not and my mom will find out. It's easy to say you won't get embarassed, but when the time comes it's extremely hard for me.

[byee]

I meant it supportively. I realize that it might take some time getting comfortable talking about it. The time I've been here trying to help, I don't think what you're decribing is that shameful, it's not awful. But the 'shame' you feel is a recognition that whatever caused this was beyond your control and shouldn't have happened.

I agree that having your mom (or anyone else) spank you might not be a good idea, b/c it's reliving someithing that wasn't so good for you in the first place. However, as long as you keep it all in your head, you're OK.

[Jackie bell]

I meant it supportively. I realize that it might take some time getting comfortable talking about it. The time I've been here trying to help, I don't think what you're decribing is that shameful, it's not awful. But the 'shame' you feel is a recognition that whatever caused this was beyond your control and shouldn't have happened.

I agree that having your mom (or anyone else) spank you might not be a good idea, b/c it's reliving someithing that wasn't so good for you in the first place. However, as long as you keep it all in your head, you're OK.

Your probably right... infact i'm pretty sure u are right. Part of the reason I want to get rid of this now is because it's illegal in the US. I'm pretty sure my mom knows.. which is why we use the basement.. ik it's still being argued about to make it legal so that's probably why she does it. But i have tried to take my mind off of it... and i think if i talk to my mother she'll think i'm weird. or not weird.. not ok in the head or something..


AFter a spanking.. my mom usually comforts me.. she shows me that she loves me alot.. she shows she cares for me.. do yout hink that's what the erotic part comes in? It's where i get showed affection the most..

[raiders rule]

Listen to him, it may seem embarrasing but you will never get any help if you dont tell someone.

[byee]

Wait! are you saying she still spanks you, and you have a place for it in the basement?

1) How old are you?

2) What causes her to spank you? What do you need to do?

3) What does she use?

4) Where does she hit you (on your body)

5) What are you wearing?

6) What does she say to you as she's doing this?

7) When does she stop?

Sorry for all the q's.

I'm not one to comment on the legality of things, but psychologically this behavior does seem to be causing problems. Does she recognize this? Have you told her to stop?

[raiders rule]

Yeah, thats a little wierd i would explain EXACTLY what happens, in the basement, im starting to get an idea of how you got this fetish

[Jackie bell]

Wait! are you saying she still spanks you, and you have a place for it in the basement?

1) How old are you?

2) What causes her to spank you? What do you need to do?

3) What does she use?

4) Where does she hit you (on your body)

5) What are you wearing?

6) What does she say to you as she's doing this?

7) When does she stop?

Sorry for all the q's.

I'm not one to comment on the legality of things, but psychologically this behavior does seem to be causing problems. Does she recognize this? Have you told her to stop?


1] 14

2]big trouble

3]only a hairbrush most likely her hand

4]Only my tush..

5]Panties

6]She lets me know what I have done wrong, and why I am getting in trouble like this for it.

7] She stops a little after 3-4 minutes, about a minute after i start really crying. I start crying around 2 minutes.. She does spank kind of hard.. slowly..

ANd i'm a foster child... so anything about my mother you would need to know i probably do not know.

I haven't really told her to stop... i'm not sure if she recognizes this either. Can you read my last post to you, i edit the message, the very last thing.

[Jackie bell]

Yeah, thats a little wierd i would explain EXACTLY what happens, in the basement, im starting to get an idea of how you got this fetish

All she does is pull up a chair for me and her... she talks to me about it, then she tells me to get over her knee.. and she spanks me.

[raiders rule]

That clears it up a little but why are you wearing panties, why does she take you down to the basement, and how does this tie up erotically?

[Jackie bell]

That clears it up a little but why are you wearing panties, why does she take you down to the basement, and how does this tie up erotically?

I'm wearing panties because my mom believes i'm to old to have them pulled... unless i do something EXTREMELY BAD which inever do... i did once but that's it..

AFter a spanking.. my mom usually comforts me.. she shows me that she loves me alot.. she shows she cares for me.. do yout hink that's what the erotic part comes in? It's where i get showed affection the most.. that's a quoet from my last post. And she takes me down to the basement because there are alot of windows with no shades.

[byee]

Listen, don't get into the kind of trouble that causes her to hit you, be good. This doesn't sound like a good thing, you don't want to continue it.

There's a longer story here, I'm sure, about where your bio mom is and how she treated you and what happened, and why you're not living with her. And maybe there's stuff there that's related to all this.

But, there's enough with your foster mom hitting you in panties for 3-4 minutes, in a room with windows but no shades, and then comforting you that could be a real problem. This doesn't sound like discipline to me. Avoid those things that cause her to hit you, OK? And talk with her in advance about really trying to avoid doing those things, but that you also want her to come up with a different form of discipline. Tell her you don't want to be hit anymore.

Also, if you've got a foster mom, there's probably a social worker or case worker somewhere, right? Talk with her about this, and talk with her about your need to be in therapy, she should be able to get that for you.

Avoid getting spanked, tell your FM that you're going to try to avoid getting into trouble, and that you'd like her to come up with a diff response to you. Then tell your SW you want a therapist, you don't need to go into detail if you don't want, just tell her you're unhappy about some things that have gone on and you'd like to talk with someone, OK?

[raiders rule]

theres a difference between affection and something erotic so no

[Jackie bell]

Listen, don't get into the kind of trouble that causes her to hit you, be good. This doesn't sound like a good thing, you don't want to continue it.

There's a longer story here, I'm sure, about where your bio mom is and how she treated you and what happened, and why you're not living with her.
And maybe there's stuff there that's related to all this.

But, there's enough with your foster mom hitting you in panties for 3-4 minutes and then comforting you that could be a real problem. Avoid those things that cause her to hit you, OK? And talk with her in advance about really trying to avoid doing those things, but that you also want her to come up with a different form of discipline. Tell her you don't want to be hit anymore.

Also, if you've got a foster mom, there's probably a social worker or case worker somewhere, right? Talk with her about this, and talk with her about your need to be in therapy, she should be able to get that for you.

Avoid getting spanked, tell your FM that you're going to try to avoid getting into trouble, and that you'd like her to come up with a diff response to you. Then tell your SW you want a therapist, you don't need to go into detail if you don't want, just tell her you're unhappy about some things that have gone on and you'd like to talk with someone, OK?




OK I will do that in the morning... i just hope i can tell my mom.. and believe me.. i'm a good girl.. i just get... idk what words to use... i guess you could say out of control... not the best way to say it. i don't like getting in trouble at all.. thanks for your help... I guess i could let you know what happens with the therapy thing... if u want.

[Jackie bell]

theres a difference between affection and something erotic so no

well it could be affection that i'm loving so much.

[byee]

Sure, I'd like to know what happens!

and Jackie? There was nothing affectionate about what you described there in that interaction with her. Pain and humiliation are not a part of affection. Or discipline, either. You should be able to get love and affection and attention and tenderness without enduring that situation in the basement. There's something else going on there, she could choose many other ways to provide a learning experience (esp. since this one doesn't seem to be effective in stopping your behavior, right?).

[Jackie bell]

Sure, I'd like to know what happens!

and Jackie? There was nothing affectionate about what you described there in that interaction with her. Pain and humiliation are not a part of affection. Or discipline, either. You should be able to get love and affection and attention and tenderness without enduring that situation in the basement. There's something else going on there, she could choose many other ways to provide a learning experience (esp. since this one doesn't seem to be effective in stopping your behavior, right?).

Well it sort of does... but then i guess you could say.. the lessons is forgotten untill i repeat my mistake. And I didn't mean to put it like she never shows me love. She just assured me that she didn't want to hurt me after the spanking. she shows me love in many other ways please don't get me wrong. I know she loves me, and she knows I love her.

[byee]

Yeah, there's just this other thing.

Get rid of the other thing so you can just love eachother. It's getting in the way and causing probs.

[Jackie bell]

Sure, I'd like to know what happens!

and Jackie? There was nothing affectionate about what you described there in that interaction with her. Pain and humiliation are not a part of affection. Or discipline, either. You should be able to get love and affection and attention and tenderness without enduring that situation in the basement. There's something else going on there, she could choose many other ways to provide a learning experience (esp. since this one doesn't seem to be effective in stopping your behavior, right?).

Yeah, there's just this other thing.

Get rid of the other thing so you can just love eachother. It's getting in the way and causing probs.

Ohh ok i know

[daking]

OK, remember that a fetish is something non sexual that is REQUIRED for arousal or performance, it's not just enjoyable. You need it, otherwise you cannot feel/perform sexually.
.

I don't think thats completely true. I was researching this and read that usually its required or strongly preferred for arousal, but not always.

Honestly I wouldn't consider your fetish to be unusual. Lots of people get turned on by spanking but it isnt nessisarily a fetish. Is spanking the only thing that arouses you?