Old memories...

[Skittle Flavored]

Ok, so this is a story i tell very few people. Im an extremely open book, but this was one chapter i kept closed. When i was really really young, like...8 years old, i was raped. I was raped by my friend who lived nearby, and his brother. They held me down and did bad things. No details here :-/. Well, i sorta repressed it. I forgave them, i suppose and lived my life like it really didnt happen. And i was at the mall yesterday, and i saw both of them walking. I swear, my heart flew into my throat, down into my feet, and in between. I had no clue what to do, i froze. My friends, who i were with, got weirded out by my sudden quietness. I prayed that they wouldn't see me. Well, guess what..They saw me. And came up to me like i was their bestest friend in the whole damn world. My friends said they'd meet up with me later, much to my unhappiness, and i was left alone. We talked about basics, how are you, how's school, that sort of thing. Then, out of the blue, the older brother asked "Have you told anyone?" I wanted to haul off and smack him a good one, but i didnt. *Yay self control!* And i pretended i had no clue what he was talking about. And he grabbed me by my shirt and said "You tell a soul, and i will kill you" There were more unhappy words sprinkled in there....I was absolutely twisted. My whole worlds just been flipped. I called up my friends and said i felt sick, and went home. I came home, and threw up. I dont know whats going on anymore. Today, all day, i was in a really zoned out stage..Like i said earlier, my whole worlds been flipped.

To tell the truth, i dont even know what im writing this..But if you made it this far, thank you for reading. :) I suppose i want to ask what i should do...Police are out of the question...i've already thought of that...I cant think very clearly right now..

[Zephyr]

Well... if you were 8 years old at the time,
There is no hard evidence to prove your case besides a polygraph test,
And your words against theirs
So yes, the police are sort of out of the question.

Just remember: Once it's in the police's hands, you'll be safe from threats.

I would either:

a) Confront them about what they did, demand an apology if you think they won't freak out on you.

or

b) Completely ignore them, just don't ever talk to them again. If they seriously make you feel physically ill, cut them out of your life.

[hobo]

well, if you never see them than i would just try and forget the whole thing. it's in the past and from the way they acted i think confronting them would be a bad idea, plus you probably never want to see or talk to them again. they definately deserve jail, but it was long ago and you can't put them there. my best advice is don't repress it but don't dwell on it.

and there's no way you could have helped it, and you did nothing wrong.

[trn19]

I don't exactly know what to say. Have you ever been to therapy? If you have, have you talked about it there? If you haven't, I'd seriously suggest you do. I'm sure it could be very helpful. You know, finally telling someone face to face, and with the benefit that that person is a professional and will be able to help you, and obviously he/she wouldn't tell anyone ever, so you wouldn't have to worry about those threats, even though I doubt they'd do anything if they know you told someone, since only pathetic cowards rape someone, but still, is better to be 100% sure. Now, if you have been in therapy and you have talked about it, then I would suggest calling your therapist and asking for an emergency appointment, since you obviously need it. I don't know what else to say, except you should be proud of yourself for carrying onj with your life after that. I'm sorry I wasn't more helpful. I hope I helped at least a little bit.

[byee]

Wow, what a terrible thing. I'm really sorry for you.

People deal with trauma in a lot of ways, your way was to repress it (push it back). It allowed you to move on by sweeping the intensity of the emotion away. And it worked.

Seeing these criminals again brought it all back, even the best repression has its limits. And, to make matters worse, they victimized you again by threatening you. I can understand why you'd react the way you did

2 choices: You can reutilize your repression again, it worked once for all those years, and just realize it's over and they're not really able to act on those threats, you're not 8 anymore.

Or you can go to the police and file charges. At the very least, their threatening you is illegal, and although the reason why they threatened you may or may not be a prosecutable offense anymore, it might be a good experience for them (and you) to have to explain themselves to the police when they come to their house to investigate the complaint.

At the very least, I also like the idea of getting some good therapy to finally address the original trauma, it's a much better way of dealing with it than repression.