Borderline Personality disorder? (BPD)

[jargon]

I’m a little nervous about posting just because I’m afraid that I may be wrong or something, but here I go.

I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I noticed recently these mood swings I was experiencing. I would switch in between states of what I think are depression, hypomania, and a sense of ‘normalcy’ where I feel average and as if without emotion. It is as if I am a robot who is just there with no drive or purpose, but I feel like I’m suppose to have one and I’m just not doing it at the moment this causes an amount of underlying anxiety, but nothing more. The usual cycle is an hour or so of Hypomania, and then Ping-Pong’s in-between depression and ‘normalcy’ for what can be days for only an hour. The rate at which I have hypomania versus the others is erratic, I can go days of pure depression with breaks of ‘normalcy’ or I can change multiple times a day straight from normalcy or depression into hypomania. The ‘normalcy’ and depression are very similar and sometimes intermingle.

This is a little hard to write because my state of comprehension for what I am thinking/feeling is always shifting and often times I feel like there is a sheet of glass between me and my thoughts, so this is a bit confusing for me, and sorry about the length, you should have seen how long it was before.

What do you think? I know I can't expect a diagnosis, I'm just hoping for some opinions so I have a place to start from/build off of.

[byee]

You're right that we can't diagnose you online. But let's try explaining things and see if that helps.

BPD is characterized primarily by explosive emotional outbursts that are disproportionate to the situation, highly impulsive behaviors that are most often risky and show really bad judgements, and (here's the big one) really bad interpersonal relations, primarily with parents. Explosive, irrational, impulsive, risky.

Lots of theories about what causes it, but most agree it is highly disturbed relations with one or both parents, usually involving highly traumatic emotional events which are chronic, and begin early in life.

This doesn't sound like you, thankfully.

However, you've posted here before about your other concerns, like anxiety, so eventhough you might not have BPD, you seem troubled by a lot of other things. Why don't you tell you dad, and have him get you toy a therapist and sort it all out?

[jargon]

I did have a REALLY bad relationship with my mom for no aperant reason, to the point that I wasn't sad when she pased away but I think she was just as much at fault as me, if not more. She wasn't a bad mother, I just had trouble with loving her and we got into fights frequently (ussually she was the instigator). My father and I are decent though, I just try not to interact with anyone if possible. I have weird ideas about friendship/relationships/dating, but I think those are a little more unique to me (though I maybe wrong there) and they are not related to BPD as far as I know. Thanks for the input. I don't know what to think about BPD at the moment. I feel like there is something wrong or at least unique about me mentaly, I just don't know what. One of the main problems I have is inconsistancies in though processing and opinions and emotions, etc. Thanks for the help, I think I will try a therapist, but I've tried them before for other things and they've not helped at all, so I don't have much faith in them. Still, that would probably be best. : ) Sorry if it turns out I'm waisting people's time etc and am completly overreacting or something. Thanks for the help.

[byee]

No, it's fine that you're talking here, I hope it's helpful.

It seems like you've been thru a lot, and although you're doing OK in alot of areas, those issues might still be there for you and maybe contributing to some of the 'stuff' going on for you.

I'm glad you're pursuing therapy, sometimes it takes a while to find the right one, though.

[jargon]

Thanks, this IS helpful. I'm just a little self conciouse because I'm not even sure if there's something...I'm hesitant to say wrong, but i guess for lack of a beter word....wrong....about me and I want to make sure that I am not overreacting or being on this site when I have no right to. Thanks for the help and all. I think I'm fine/functioning. I'm just a little confused. May just be nothing more than me fiting into that catagory of 'ecentric artists', in which case, I guess there is nothing to worry about.
Do you know any good therapists? It may take forever to find one that works for me.

[Sapphire]

I'm glad that talking here is helping :) Don't feel like you are wasting anyones time. We are here to help regardless of what is bothering you.

There is definitely something amiss here.
The problem with BPD is that different people experience it slightly differently.
Your mood swings must be tiring, for sure! Do they occur regardless of what is going on around you or do they seem to coincide with good/bad situations?
Do you find yourself acting in ways which are harmful to yourself?
What are your ideas about friendships/relationships?

Maybe try speaking with your doctor about good thereapists in your area.

I have been given this diagnosis and, though I am unable to say "yes" or "no" as to whether you have it, I am here if you want to speak more about it. Feel free to pm me :)