Self control

[raiders rule]

You know how you guys preach to walk away from a fight, igonore, tell someone,. I cant do that, its damn near impossible. I have to big of a temper problem, if someone hits me or threatens me, or fucks with me(teases me) i get extremely angry. Like the otherday i started choking my friend just because he was insulting my mom. My other friend had to convince me to let go of him. So imagine if someone hits me. I think that just the hormones of puberty but i know its know all because of puberty, ive always had a bad temper. I can not, my best bet is to just avoid an argument, i mean i have been getting in fights since i was 9-10. I was just wondering if you guys could just give me some tips on how to control myself. And oh yeah, sorry if this is in the wrong section i just didnt know were to put it so just move it if it is.:whoops:

[byee]

Well, I've read your other posts, and you've talked a lot about your concerns about your temper and your loss of control. Having self control issues since 8 or 9 (as you've said) suggests that whatever is causing it predates puberty, so we can't really blame it on that (although you might have noticed it becoming more frequent and intense since, puberty will intensify these things).

Two things here: First, think about what it is that might be causing it. Clearly, there's a provocation (like them picking on your mom, eww!), but what happens inside of you right before you blow? Can you identify it, is it a thought or a feeling? Can you learn to recognize it?

Secondly, you'd need to be able to use that info as a cue, feeling like you're ready to blow up, as another cue to substitute another response (yeah, walking away). It sounds like it's fairly automatic, you feel something intensely, and the next thing you notice is that you've got your hands around your friends throat.

What you want to do is be better able to identify the antecedents, the things that occur right before the loss of control, and use them as a reminder to (quickly!) get away from the person who's causing it.

The best way to avoid a loss of control is to be aware that it's about to happen, and then do something very quickly to avoid it. Right now, it sounds like it's too automatic, you want to insert some recognition/awareness there, so you can then use it to control yourself.

[raiders rule]

yeah its pretty automatic

[byee]

That's the definiton of impulsive. You need to insert some thought in there.

[Gumleaf]

boys puberty - f&f