Hola

[ezekialar]

so my girlfriend and I have been dating for about five months.
we have been arguing quite a bit lately. we used to be really happy and never really argued before, but lately its been different. i love her to death, but she's starting to irritate me a little bit.

i think this could stem from the fact that she's been depressed for a few years and on occasion cuts. I am the first person she has really felt comfortable with talking to and i have been trying to get her to express her feelings and emotions to me. I have recently gotten her to tell her mom about some of this so that she may be able to get help and go to a counselor. Instead, her mom, who was depressed as a teen who also cut herself and OD'ed and been thru counseling, told her that she should just start exercising to take off her stress and get her endorphins(sp) running so that when she is stressed she is happier. the only problem with this is that its only another form of cutting...just less severe.

It seems to me that her mom should be more open in the sense that since she went through similar problems so she would allow her to get help in a way that she wanted to. but instead her mom dismissed her completely and told her to exercise and to start hanging out with other more supportive friends...as if you can create an immediate bond with people.

I think that our issues are coming from the fact that im the only one trying to help her...and when she doesnt wanna listen to what i tell her, i get frustrated, on top of all of the other things that we argue about with normal relationship stuff. I just want her to get help so badly...i care about her so much.

Im just looking for any kind of advice that i can get. and my bad if i posted this in the wrong place.

i love her to death...and im so sick of arguing with her.

thanks if you took the time to read this...
it ended up a lot longer than i anticipated. ha

[Ryandel]

Stay by her, she needs you more than ever. It can be hard and frustrating right now, but situations likes these can helps make your bond stronger. Stay strong and never give in. I hope things will turn out.

-Alex
(Code Blue)

[byee]

Hola, back!

It's interesting that you use the term 'Love her to death'. I know what that means, of course, but the 'double meaning' is somewhat less enchanting. Maybe you're using that phrase as a descriptor of that other, less appealing part of your relationship. You're exhausted, something there has 'passed'.

It seems to me that your relationship has moved from the b/f g/f thing to a caretaker one. That's a lot different, and because of that, there are a lot of other things that weigh it down. There's a difference between 'loving' someone and necessarily 'caring ' for (or about) them, and actually having to do rehabilitative/therapeutic work with them. That's very draining. And maybe that's what you're feeling, the emotional drain of having to take care of someone all by yourelf who seems to have some very significant issues.

I think it's important to recognize that the relationship has changed fairly dramatically, and as such, so has your role and your feelings. It might be best to recognize that there are limits to your love, and 'death' shouldn't be a part of it.

It might be time to let her know that until and unless she gets the help she needs to be well and be happy, that you might need to take a break. Sorry, i know that's not very optimistic, nor what you probably want to hear, but it does seem to be what's going on. She's too unwell to participate in the kind of relationship you want.

[Requin]

i think this could stem from the fact that she's been depressed for a few years and on occasion cuts. I am the first person she has really felt comfortable with talking to and i have been trying to get her to express her feelings and emotions to me. I have recently gotten her to tell her mom about some of this so that she may be able to get help and go to a counselor. Instead, her mom, who was depressed as a teen who also cut herself and OD'ed and been thru counseling, told her that she should just start exercising to take off her stress and get her endorphins(sp) running so that when she is stressed she is happier. the only problem with this is that its only another form of cutting...just less severe.

It seems to me that her mom should be more open in the sense that since she went through similar problems so she would allow her to get help in a way that she wanted to. but instead her mom dismissed her completely and told her to exercise and to start hanging out with other more supportive friends...as if you can create an immediate bond with people.

I think that our issues are coming from the fact that im the only one trying to help her...and when she doesnt wanna listen to what i tell her, i get frustrated, on top of all of the other things that we argue about with normal relationship stuff. I just want her to get help so badly...i care about her so much.

Tell her that and if she has any sense she'll listen and hopefully agree. What you said there would make any girl think and i hope it would work.
BUt...

Hola, back!

It seems to me that your relationship has moved from the b/f g/f thing to a caretaker one. That's a lot different, and because of that, there are a lot of other things that weigh it down. There's a difference between 'loving' someone and necessarily 'caring ' for (or about) them, and actually having to do rehabilitative/therapeutic work with them. That's very draining. And maybe that's what you're feeling, the emotional drain of having to take care of someone all by yourelf who seems to have some very significant issues.

It might be time to let her know that until and unless she gets the help she needs to be well and be happy, that you might need to take a break. Sorry, i know that's not very optimistic, nor what you probably want to hear, but it does seem to be what's going on. She's too unwell to participate in the kind of relationship you want.

Sam has a point and what he says (as always) is completely true. Maybe it's time to let her go. But we're not you, it's your decision.
If you want to try what i or anyone else has said first then do so but we're not you and it's your decision.
Whatever happens...good luck.:-)