lifetime

[krystalm]

SORRY SORRY SORRY. i can't do this. a lifetime? i'm going to be in and out of doctors, changing prescriptions over and over, switching back and forth, increasing doses and crying for the rest of my life! i can't do this. i can't... "healing is a lifetime process" no no no. i want to go to sleep without you. i don't want you to haunt me anymore. just go away. please please please. i can't believe this. " we use to think we could give you medicine and it'd retrain your brain, but now we realize that we can't and we have to keep switching medicines....at least for people who deal with trauma and have a family history" no no no no no. i don't want this to be forever. forever. no no no. i want to cry. i want to just.. leave. i can't i can't i can't. for the rest of my life. depression. anxiety. insomnia.ptsd. no no no no no. my therapist told me this yesterday.
how could i have been such a fool. to think that medicine and therapy would"fix" me. i don't know what i'm going to do. no no nononono nonononono.

JUST GO AAWAY, STOP DEFINING ME.

[Hyper]

Kind of hard to reply to this without asking a question, I know you'd hate

'' Whats wrong ''

As much as I can tell you were/are upset over the thought of being medicated for life and so on. Its not a fun thought but if it helps atleast a little and if you can live your life.. Damn I'd do it.

Of course I'm not you.. Things work differently for people but I think you should atleast try. Bleh I'm at a loss of words I really do want to help you I hope you can atleast see that :/

[byee]

Listen, if you take everything your shrink says literally you'll really go nuts.

When you start to dig own in therapy and really address/confront the painful issues in your life, it's very scary. I think you're just coming to terms with that. The enormity of your anguish, it's overwhelming and humbling, you know. But it wonlt always feel that way, it'll be more manageable.

Therapy won't always feel so overwhelming, it won't be so intense and so upsetting. They'll find the right meds for you. And you'll feel better. Honest!
In the meantime, you might tell your therapist that what she says isn't always helpful for you. She should balance her role as 'fellow investigator', with 'good mama'. It needs to be balanced to work, if it's not, tell her to make the readjustment, teach eachother.