Meh...

[Underground_Network]

At the camp I work at, there's this girl I bump into everyday. She always smiles at me and I smile back, but we never say anything to each other. As most of you know, I suck around girls [and people in general] and I just never know what to say. I'm always afraid that I'll come off as weird if I kind of give a shy "hello" and I don't like to start conversations, especially with people I don't know all too well... I prefer for them to start talking first. I mean, I do really like this girl, but at the moment I'd rather befriend her than ask her out or anything, but I just don't know how. I don't know what to say. I just know that if I try and get into a conversation with her things will go downhill. I mean, I suck at getting to know new people [at least in real life]. I just need some advice on what to say. And really, not just for this girl, but just in general. I just don't know. Why do I suck at life? :/

[Gumleaf]

well first things first you introduce yourself. "hey, i'm adam". unless she is some sort of bitch she'll most likely reply and introduce herself back. then maybe reply with something like "its nice to meet you, are you enjoying it here?" from there the convo should flow. you don't have to talk about anything deep or anything and it doesn't have to last long. if anything you'll just be letting her know that you're a friendly person and want to be friends.

[Underground_Network]

^^ The thing is I like to do things one on one, I don't like being surrounded by other people, even when simply introducing myself, and of course, since she works with two other counselors [as do I] at the camp, and 99% of the time she's with the counselors and the kids she's working with, I just don't know. Plus, I just don't have a lot of opportunities to talk to her, and when I've had the opportunity, I've blanked out. I really know almost nothing about her, though one of my closest friends [from camp] said she's from his town, though he doesn't know her name or anything about her, which isn't all too helpful... I like to know at least a little bit about someone before engaging in a conversation with them, but I really don't know... I guess saying, "Hey" and then having her reply with something like that in return and then introducing myself would work, but I'm not sure I even have the confidence/courage to do that... :/

[MrPinnick17]

Damnit--

I typed this huge sermon for you and it said server busy so I'm gonna try to re-create it, brace yourself it might change your life.

[MrPinnick17]

Alright dude first of all your smart, you don't really know the girl that well, so you def. wanna be friends with her and see how she is before you make your decision on asking her out.

Okay so first off since you see her everyday it sounds like more than once things should be easy. You should be pumped really because your up to first base (what we'll call it) which is a smile. Your not just going to talk to her out of no where, you guys have sort of a connection.

The next time you guys have one of your encounters maybe you could stop and ask her about something going on at camp later on. Make up a question about something, but with an obvious answer so she can actually answer it without their being too much awkwardness. Then go in for the kill and just be like "by the way I'm Adam" I think that's your name right? Well anyways she should introduce herself to you and BAM you know her name.

Now that you've talked to her a bit and your on a name basis, you can upgrade your smile to a "hey" and maybe a laugh or a smile. Now you should be able to stop and chat with her. Keep it simple though "What's up?" for example. If she says not much what about you, you can say "I'm hanging in there". Now she may or may not ask you why your just "hanging in there" but if she does come up with a quick response, like how it's pretty hot outside or something. Don't elaborate on it though, just simple stuff. Now you can either keep it going and ask "So where do you go to school at?" or save it for next time. Asking her questions about herself lets you get to know her a bit more the more you know about her, the more you can talk about.

She is obviously not a a horrible girl if she smiles at you without knowing you at all. So many people in this world don't take encounters any further from a smile. Don't be that guy, muster up a bit of confidence, get in there and show her a side of you that maybe you didn't even know about.

Then if you keep this up, maybe a few weeks down the line you guys might end up hanging outside of camp, but just let it all pan out, it all happens naturally.

I really want this for you dude, becuase I see a bit of myself in you sorta, I used to be kind of afraid to talk to people, and worried if I was gonna say something cool or not. Now I don't care, I talk about anything, and feel great and confident about myself and I want you to feel that to.

If you liked the advice you can PM me anytime bud, questions, comments, whatever you need. If you didn't something will come along for you, maybe not this time but it'll come. :)

[byee]

Damnit--

I typed this huge sermon for you and it said server busy so I'm gonna try to re-create it, brace yourself it might change your life.

LOL! I don't know if I'm worthy enough to follow that.

Anyway, Adam, I think you might be panicking b/c you're getting too far ahead of yourself here. Why you're thinking of asking a total stranger to go out with you is beyond me, but perhaps that added pressure is what's freaking you out?

Listen, start off slowly, all relationships do, afterall. Saying "Hi!" is pretty easy, it doesn't require much from her, nor do you have to do much after that other than to smile. You're a counsellor, so maybe after the greeting, you'll need to attend to your young 'uns, anyway. It's an ice breaker to alert her to your presence on the planet, and your interest in her.

Next time, you can follow up the greeting and the smile with a compliment. Again, nothing too drastic, just something easy that doesn't require a response from either if you, and which leaves some good feelings.

It takes some time to develop convo, you have to figure out what the 'in' is. Saying hello, and making some astute observation in a complimentary way usually gets it going, and then it just takes off.

But, in your case, I think you're paralyzed not so much b/c you 'cannot' be social (we know THAT'S not true!), but b/c your expectations are unrealistic. Take it slowly, and things might work out better for you.

[kerry]

LOL! I don't know if I'm worthy enough to follow that.

Anyway, Adam, I think you might be panicking b/c you're getting too far ahead of yourself here. Why you're thinking of asking a total stranger to go out with you is beyond me, but perhaps that added pressure is what's freaking you out?

Listen, start off slowly, all relationships do, afterall. Saying "Hi!" is pretty easy, it doesn't require much from her, nor do you have to do much after that other than to smile. You're a counsellor, so maybe after the greeting, you'll need to attend to your young 'uns, anyway. It's an ice breaker to alert her to your presence on the planet, and your interest in her.

Next time, you can follow up the greeting and the smile with a compliment. Again, nothing too drastic, just something easy that doesn't require a response from either if you, and which leaves some good feelings.

It takes some time to develop convo, you have to figure out what the 'in' is. Saying hello, and making some astute observation in a complimentary way usually gets it going, and then it just takes off.

But, in your case, I think you're paralyzed not so much b/c you 'cannot' be social (we know THAT'S not true!), but b/c your expectations are unrealistic. Take it slowly, and things might work out better for you.

i agree puck up courage to talk

[Underground_Network]

MrPinnick, thank you. I've really been trying to get a chance to talk to her, but its tough. Today I only saw her like three times, and for once she wasn't at the same lunch spot as me [which she usually is]. Of the three times I saw her, only two of those times was I close enough to say anything. The one time it was apparent she was in a rush [she has nursery kids, so they always need a lot of attention/help] and the second time she was with her group and I was with my group and dragging her away from her group just to introduce myself [as well as straying away from my own group] just seemed a bit extreme. What stinks is that I don't know how old she is. Based on her looks I'd say she's no older than 15, but I think she may be a junior counselor rather than a CIT [yeah, sadly I don't know that], which would mean she'd have to be at least 16. 16 is only 1 year older than 15 though, so no big deal there, but still, I don't know. My friend who somewhat knows her [though he doesn't know her name] knows that she's from the same town as him [which is about 40 minutes away from where I live... 0.o] and that she's no more than a year older than him... He also thinks that she's a CIT which would put her in the 14-15 year old range... Yeah, not knowing her exact age is really killing me and almost putting more fear into me, but still, I certainly have a lot more confidence than I've had in the past.

[byee]

Oh, Adam, are you one of those people who talks but doesn't listen? Forget her age, as long as she's not 21 (or 12) you're OK here.

It's easier to talk with her if she's distracted! Just say Hi, re read my post, do it! Let her get pulled away, it's easier for you, b/c you don't have to fumble with convo! Just say 'Wow, you're busy! See ya later!'. Do this, tell me how it work, OK?

[Underground_Network]

I know, I also know I'm good at coming up with things to talk with, but I'm also so used to not being listened to. In the past [and even now] I'm used to having even my closest friends ignore my ideas, and its caused to me to kind of go into "shut up mode", and that's one of the reasons I haven't made any new friends in awhile [though I actually have made quite a bit of new friends [all male] in camp this year, so I'm basically referring to before camp]... I don't know, I guess I'll see how things go. I mean I've proven to myself I can talk to girls this summer, but I haven't proven that I can talk to a girl that I'm truly drawn to. I'm just so afraid of screwing up and I also am afraid I won't know what to say. I wish fear could drive me forward, but all it does is drive me away.

[MrPinnick17]

MrPinnick, thank you. I've really been trying to get a chance to talk to her, but its tough. Today I only saw her like three times, and for once she wasn't at the same lunch spot as me [which she usually is]. Of the three times I saw her, only two of those times was I close enough to say anything. The one time it was apparent she was in a rush [she has nursery kids, so they always need a lot of attention/help] and the second time she was with her group and I was with my group and dragging her away from her group just to introduce myself [as well as straying away from my own group] just seemed a bit extreme. What stinks is that I don't know how old she is. Based on her looks I'd say she's no older than 15, but I think she may be a junior counselor rather than a CIT [yeah, sadly I don't know that], which would mean she'd have to be at least 16. 16 is only 1 year older than 15 though, so no big deal there, but still, I don't know. My friend who somewhat knows her [though he doesn't know her name] knows that she's from the same town as him [which is about 40 minutes away from where I live... 0.o] and that she's no more than a year older than him... He also thinks that she's a CIT which would put her in the 14-15 year old range... Yeah, not knowing her exact age is really killing me and almost putting more fear into me, but still, I certainly have a lot more confidence than I've had in the past.

Glad your confidence is peaking. Your smart, you know when she's busy, and you know the right thing to do, it is going to be less akward when her friends aren't around. Hopefully your time will come, just wait it out, I mean she's not always going to be busy/with someone all the time. In the meantime have fun at camp, you can grow a lot from it, and good luck again.

I'd hate for you to have to go back and fourth between what me and Sam say, so I'm gonna let him take over, I'd still like to know how it goes and I will be coming back for a follow up, ha.

[byee]

I know, I also know I'm good at coming up with things to talk with, but I'm also so used to not being listened to. In the past [and even now] I'm used to having even my closest friends ignore my ideas, and its caused to me to kind of go into "shut up mode", and that's one of the reasons I haven't made any new friends in awhile [though I actually have made quite a bit of new friends [all male] in camp this year, so I'm basically referring to before camp]... I don't know, I guess I'll see how things go. I mean I've proven to myself I can talk to girls this summer, but I haven't proven that I can talk to a girl that I'm truly drawn to. I'm just so afraid of screwing up and I also am afraid I won't know what to say. I wish fear could drive me forward, but all it does is drive me away.


Hey Adam! Thanks for the confirmation that you like to speak more than listen! Go read my posts!!! tell me what you think, maybe even use my name once or twice! LOL!