Body Language: Needs Interpreting

[LeRoy_Fan]

Not exactly all body language, but anyways...

I will go ahead and appologize for the length of this thread.

So, I've known this girl for about two years now. I like her, she's cute and all.

I had asked her to my school prom about 3 months ago. (I had posted a thread about it in here before) She is homeschooled, but decided to go ahead and accept the invite. We got to the hotel where we were having prom, and we were the first ones there. We went into where the tables and stuff were and sat and talked for a few minutes. Then the majority of the rest of the people showed up, and they started to serve dinner. I was making small chat with everyone, introducing them to the girl I had brought with me, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

After dinner was over, the dancing began. I wasn't entirely sure how to approach it, so I did what any other self-respecting nervous-to-the-brim teenager would do. I went to the bathroom and called a friend for advice. :P After a few encouraging words, I went back in and asked her to dance. We got up and were dancing in what I've best heard described as "the middle school dance." I am talking about how there's like a foot seperation between you and your partner, and it's just very akward. I had been planning a time to go ahead and ask her to go out with me at some point in the night, and I figure then would be as good a time as any other. So, I pulled her outside the room (the rest of the hotel was empty) and just asked her, "Do you want to go out with me?" She replied, "Let me think about it." :(

So, we go back inside, and we kind of just get back into dancing, but this time she pulled herself into me, resting her head on my shoulder and having our bodies touching in the middle. We danced like that for the rest of the song. (Who was I to stop her?) :P and we also danced like that twice more in the night. One of those times, I had noticed everybody had gone outside to do pictures or something, and I had told her this, and she just said, "So?" and laid her head back onto me.

The night went on, and we talked some more, and finally I dropped her off at her house and did the whole walk her to the door thing. We hugged good-bye and that was the end of the night.
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We are also both part of a club that meets one day out of the week, every week. This is how I originally met her, and how I talk to her most of the time.

We are both in leadership positions at this club, and it's kind of discouraged for people like that to be in relationships with fellow leaders.

So, every week since that prom night, whenever I leave to go to my car, she always tells me to hold up so that she can walk with me to there and then we talk for about 10 minutes. I normally park at the end of a row, so it's normally pretty private. After that prom night, our conversations became alot more, for lack of a better word, "deep". Alot more comfortable.

She is always very flirtatious with me when we aren't in a meeting. Poking in the ribs, bumping into me and the likes of that. Once, I was leaning up against my hood, and she was in front of me. I had my feet crossed, and she just kind of walked up and strattled my legs a little, then backed off. Just kind of weird.
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Anyways, Her final answer for "will you go out with me" was a, "We are such great friends, and I don't want anything to ruin that friendship." :(

What I don't understand was why after I had asked her out at prom, and she said she'd think about it, that she did what she did. I just think it was weird..

I don't get it.

Any help on what I can do here?

Anyone?

Bueller?

[Gumleaf]

the great mystery of female body language. my thought was that after you asked her out, it made her realise that you really care for her and that has made her really comfortable with you. i went to school dances with the girl who is now my gf well before we hooked up and we were close like that. i'm not saying that you'll end up together, but i am saying that close friends can be intimate like she is with you and it only means she wants to be friends. but i will say yay for you for telling her how you feel. that definetly takes courage.

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Give her time. It sounds like she really likes you. If she does, in a while, you'll know what she really meant.

[LeRoy_Fan]

Give her time. It sounds like she really likes you. If she does, in a while, you'll know what she really meant.

I hate waiting.... :P

But yeah, I mean, it's been about two-three months since then, and no real "developments" have happened.

The real annoying thing is that I constantly am trying to figure it out, but I always come to the same conclusion. "I have no idea."

[Φρανκομβριτ]

I hate waiting.... :P

But yeah, I mean, it's been about two-three months since then, and no real "developments" have happened.

The real annoying thing is that I constantly am trying to figure it out, but I always come to the same conclusion. "I have no idea."
No one likes waiting mate! It sucks!!

I don't think men will ever really understand women, no matter how hard we try

[byee]

What can't you figure out here? Seems pretty clear to me. She likes you. A lot.

In order to accurately read another's messages (be they verbal or non verbal), you have to tune into them, which means silencing that little voice in your own head. That's the hard part, not listening to yourself. It's distracting you.

Everything she's 'saying' (both verbal and non verbal) is very consistently positive. She's saying all the right things, she's 'in your space' alot, she's touching you, she's spending time with you, she's clearly enjoying you.

The only piece of info that's not consistent is the one you're focusing on the most: Her not 'wanting to go out with you'. You're putting way too much emphasis on this one slight detail, and you're overgeneralizing it's meaning.

"Going out' is just a term. It wouldn't really signify a significant change in the relationship, right? It wouldn't change much, you already are pretty bonded. You like eachother, you enjoy eachother, you spend a lot of time together, she seeks you out, you have eachother pretty exclusively. What you're looking for is that sense of (false) security that goes with 'going out'. But, it's not those 2 words that give the security, it's the relationship itself that does that. And, from this vantage point, you've already got that.

My dime store advice? Enjoy the realtionship for what it is, define it based on the non verbals she's clearly giving you, and don't push for a meaningless committment based on 'going out'. It won't change anything, anyway, and based on the other complications it could cause, could ruin what you've got. They're only words!

[kerry]

What can't you figure out here? Seems pretty clear to me. She likes you. A lot.

In order to accurately read another's messages (be they verbal or non verbal), you have to tune into them, which means silencing that little voice in your own head. That's the hard part, not listening to yourself. It's distracting you.

Everything she's 'saying' (both verbal and non verbal) is very consistently positive. She's saying all the right things, she's 'in your space' alot, she's touching you, she's spending time with you, she's clearly enjoying you.

The only piece of info that's not consistent is the one you're focusing on the most: Her not 'wanting to go out with you'. You're putting way too much emphasis on this one slight detail, and you're overgeneralizing it's meaning.

"Going out' is just a term. It wouldn't really signify a significant change in the relationship, right? It wouldn't change much, you already are pretty bonded. You like eachother, you enjoy eachother, you spend a lot of time together, she seeks you out, you have eachother pretty exclusively. What you're looking for is that sense of (false) security that goes with 'going out'. But, it's not those 2 words that give the security, it's the relationship itself that does that. And, from this vantage point, you've already got that.

My dime store advice? Enjoy the realtionship for what it is, define it based on the non verbals she's clearly giving you, and don't push for a meaningless committment based on 'going out'. It won't change anything, anyway, and based on the other complications it could cause, could ruin what you've got. They're only words!




i agree 800th post

[LeRoy_Fan]

What can't you figure out here? Seems pretty clear to me. She likes you. A lot.

In order to accurately read another's messages (be they verbal or non verbal), you have to tune into them, which means silencing that little voice in your own head. That's the hard part, not listening to yourself. It's distracting you.

Everything she's 'saying' (both verbal and non verbal) is very consistently positive. She's saying all the right things, she's 'in your space' alot, she's touching you, she's spending time with you, she's clearly enjoying you.

The only piece of info that's not consistent is the one you're focusing on the most: Her not 'wanting to go out with you'. You're putting way too much emphasis on this one slight detail, and you're overgeneralizing it's meaning.

"Going out' is just a term. It wouldn't really signify a significant change in the relationship, right? It wouldn't change much, you already are pretty bonded. You like eachother, you enjoy eachother, you spend a lot of time together, she seeks you out, you have eachother pretty exclusively. What you're looking for is that sense of (false) security that goes with 'going out'. But, it's not those 2 words that give the security, it's the relationship itself that does that. And, from this vantage point, you've already got that.

My dime store advice? Enjoy the realtionship for what it is, define it based on the non verbals she's clearly giving you, and don't push for a meaningless committment based on 'going out'. It won't change anything, anyway, and based on the other complications it could cause, could ruin what you've got. They're only words!

I never really thought about it like that...

Thanks