Acronychal
July 7th, 2008, 02:57 AM
Awhile back I wrote a novel, but the only opinions I've been able to get on it have been my friends'. I love and trust them, but I can never be sure if they're just being nice as to not hurt my feelings, of it they actually like what I've written. So, I'm posting an outake. It was one of my absolute favourite parts to write. Criticism would be nice.:) Here it is:
We followed each other to the escape within the trap of the city. It was even more beautiful than I remembered it last. The last time I was here, it was late summer/early fall. The leaves were just beginning to change colour and the pigeons seemed more like vultures. Icicles hung from the tree branches, not letting go for the life of them.
I had come back here to read a book on several occasions. It was always so peaceful, an oasis from the city noise. I brushed off the fresh-fallen snow from a bench and sat beside Slade. The fountain in the center was still running, having yet to freeze over. We revelled in each other’s company for a few moments, speaking with our eyes rather then our words.
“I want to know something,” I said, breaking the long silence.
“Oh, and what’s that?” he asked.
“What do you think we’d do if we were human? And not being forced to marry people we don’t love.”
“Well, it would be wonderful. We’d live in the rich part of Toronto. Or one of us may move into the other’s apartment. We’d probably argue, you saying that you’d want to move to my penthouse, me saying that I want to move to your place. But in the end, we’d get a different house altogether. It’d be a big house, with a big white porch and wrought iron gates. We wouldn’t worry about things, like, ‘Am I going to be chased down by a mob of vampires today?’
"You’d finish university and become an actual doctor. I’d probably join the practice as well. We would settle down eventually, have a family. And of course, we’d age, but I would always think you beautiful. There’s no possible way your beauty could fade. We’d marry, and grow old, watching the world grow with us before our eyes.”
Slade almost flinched, fearing my reaction to those words. But I stayed silent. I'd never thought of a life the way he'd described it. I'd never thought of marrying or simplicity.
Settle down. Those words spoken by anyone else would send shivers up my spine. But when Slade said it, it made the want to be human oh so much stronger. Family. That word would have been poison if spoken by another tongue.
I rested my head on Slade’s shoulder and closed my eyes. He put his arm around me, pulling me closer. Any time I had left with him, was the best of my ‘life’. I forgot about the imminent depression ahead, and tried to picture the life that he had described it. I could picture it perfectly. It was beautiful. Or, it would have been. I yearned for the simplicity, of that beautiful place so many miles away. My imagination ran rampant, my false reality flashing before my eyes.
I opened my eyes. Slade was staring ahead, I couldn’t see what at though. As if he was just in his own little world, also picturing his dream life. Or maybe he was plotting. His face was blank. He quickly looked down at me, a faint smile spreading across his face. It was hitting dusk, the sun was preparing to set.
“I want to take you somewhere,” Slade whispered, his voice cutting through the long silence.
We followed each other to the escape within the trap of the city. It was even more beautiful than I remembered it last. The last time I was here, it was late summer/early fall. The leaves were just beginning to change colour and the pigeons seemed more like vultures. Icicles hung from the tree branches, not letting go for the life of them.
I had come back here to read a book on several occasions. It was always so peaceful, an oasis from the city noise. I brushed off the fresh-fallen snow from a bench and sat beside Slade. The fountain in the center was still running, having yet to freeze over. We revelled in each other’s company for a few moments, speaking with our eyes rather then our words.
“I want to know something,” I said, breaking the long silence.
“Oh, and what’s that?” he asked.
“What do you think we’d do if we were human? And not being forced to marry people we don’t love.”
“Well, it would be wonderful. We’d live in the rich part of Toronto. Or one of us may move into the other’s apartment. We’d probably argue, you saying that you’d want to move to my penthouse, me saying that I want to move to your place. But in the end, we’d get a different house altogether. It’d be a big house, with a big white porch and wrought iron gates. We wouldn’t worry about things, like, ‘Am I going to be chased down by a mob of vampires today?’
"You’d finish university and become an actual doctor. I’d probably join the practice as well. We would settle down eventually, have a family. And of course, we’d age, but I would always think you beautiful. There’s no possible way your beauty could fade. We’d marry, and grow old, watching the world grow with us before our eyes.”
Slade almost flinched, fearing my reaction to those words. But I stayed silent. I'd never thought of a life the way he'd described it. I'd never thought of marrying or simplicity.
Settle down. Those words spoken by anyone else would send shivers up my spine. But when Slade said it, it made the want to be human oh so much stronger. Family. That word would have been poison if spoken by another tongue.
I rested my head on Slade’s shoulder and closed my eyes. He put his arm around me, pulling me closer. Any time I had left with him, was the best of my ‘life’. I forgot about the imminent depression ahead, and tried to picture the life that he had described it. I could picture it perfectly. It was beautiful. Or, it would have been. I yearned for the simplicity, of that beautiful place so many miles away. My imagination ran rampant, my false reality flashing before my eyes.
I opened my eyes. Slade was staring ahead, I couldn’t see what at though. As if he was just in his own little world, also picturing his dream life. Or maybe he was plotting. His face was blank. He quickly looked down at me, a faint smile spreading across his face. It was hitting dusk, the sun was preparing to set.
“I want to take you somewhere,” Slade whispered, his voice cutting through the long silence.