away.

[bbychop]

As most of this site does not know, I have been off and on heavily into drugs since March. I have been trying to cut down and cut back because it is not doing so well with my health. I have been doing it to get my escape from daily life, break ups, and most of all the abortion, which I am still not over.
A couple of weeks ago, I told my parents my plan in life which was to attempt to get into the USMC (Marines). My dad supported for the most part - then again, he is a vetran. My mum not so much. She keeps trying to get me to do something else with my life. I told her the reason why I want to go in is to get some discipline, recieve some respect, and be able to kick ass. Most of my family is more afraid of me killing someone than actually going into it.
After the past few months, this feels like the only thing I have to look forward to, possibly going to war and killing someone or getting myself killed, as morbid as that sounds.
Things just have not been the same since November. I have become more of a risk taker and more depressed, I guess you could say. As I was saying a couple few minutes ago, I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE. I may just need something else to fulfill my life but I need to stop everything but I cannot. I am in high hopes that getting a job will keep me away from everyone and keep my sanity but I feel like an emotional nutcase. A wreck.

I guess I just needed to vent. I am hoping I am posting in the right place.

[byee]

Service to one's country is truly a noble activity, and certainly joining the armed services is one way of fulfilling that. We all owe our service men and women a debt of gratitude for their sacrifice. Really.

However, in your case, you're looking at service as a way to feel better about yourself and to compensate for some of the really horrible experiences you've had. I'm not so sure this is such a good idea, b/c the military isn't a therapeutic adventure, and it shouldn't be a substitute for good, solid treatment. It's not fair to you, to the military, or the other men and women you'd be serving with.

It's understandable why you'd want to do something dramatically different with your life, sorta as a way to undue the horrors of your past. Unfortunately, it often doesn't work that way, what you're left with are the old horrors (perhaps temporarily forgotten), and supplanted by new ones. Being in a wartime experience isn't likely to be remembered fondly!

Acknowledging the effects of what you've been thru is the first step, which you've taken. The next step would be to find a really good therapist to sort this all out with, understand it, and do something different with it, including feeling better about it all. After you've done all that, if you still want to serve your country, you cn still do that. But, then, there'd be a much better chance of you fulfilling the correct need for joining up, rather than using it as a therapeutic tool.