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SirRawrsalot
July 2nd, 2008, 01:23 PM
Here's another poem:

A Twist of Lemon A vignette for a grieving friend

The morning rummages through the house
Quietly intimidating the disarray.
Ashtrays,
Engorged with charred decay
Of sacrifices to gods of indecision,
Sleep in ashen content.
All awaits
Fatigue of the night before.

With the partly folded
Into the e envelopes of memory,
Ready to post
To the friendly warm Utopia
Of sweet recollection,
It is easy, all too easy, to notice
That lovely faces are gone.
Their smiles still linger,
Like echoes of a favorite waltz,
But their eyes don't see
This residue.

One almost empty glass,
Dry of spirits loaning courage
And faith
To one who needed it
Remains-
To remind-
At it's bottom-
A twist of lemon-
The bitter sour
Of what is left.
It must be thrown away.

Good comments a re nice and appreciated, but constructive criticism is important to write a good poem or in this case vignette. Thanks :)

japanman
July 2nd, 2008, 01:30 PM
ITS AWSOM!! It was a vey good poem i loved the ending, Great job! :)

SirRawrsalot
July 2nd, 2008, 01:33 PM
I thought it was a dramatic ending that suited it. lol Thank you very much! I'm going on a poem spree today. I wrote four just today. I have probably over 50 poems just lying around lol.

hobo
July 7th, 2008, 02:52 PM
great poem, really presents a great mood and feel.

Tis_Sam
July 7th, 2008, 04:43 PM
Brilliant. Amazing volcabulary! I like the word "Utopia" :D

SirRawrsalot
July 7th, 2008, 05:23 PM
lol thanks to both of you.