Roserie
July 1st, 2008, 08:03 PM
Hello, I'm 16 and relatively new to VI >< I'd like to ask the people who quit: have you completely stopped or is there always this urge to start again?
Right now, my experience(s) with SI really aren't as difficult to other people's on this forum =\ I even feel bad posting about my own life because it's such an insignificant bother compared to everyone else.
I can remember I started biting my arm way back, when I was 6 or 7. I don't really know why I did it, and I only have guesses today why: the clearest memory I have of my bites is when my dad saw the purple bruises on my arm and told me to stop. I think I listened to him at the time.
And then, probably a few years later, I came across two of my cousins talking about hurting themselves. We somehow got into this group discussion about scratching and biting (though one of them hinted at knives). Is there such a thing as a family history of SI? After that I remember digging my nails into my skin whenever I was stressed, and it slowly evolved into light scratching.
I've never bled from my scratches. At the most they were red marks that became long, white, bumpy lines. When people started asking about my "paper" cuts on my knuckles, I moved down to my lower hip/thigh area instead. As I grew older and found better outlets for expressing stress (I thought my life skills class was stupid but it really changed me), the scratching pretty much stopped.
But then a few days ago I fell and broke my tailbone, and then my boyfriend broke off our relationship; and now my life's just one big mess. I felt like I lost a lot of control over my life, because I can't play tennis when my lower spine's broken and it hurts to move too much. I didn't even have a say in the breakup, and no one really cares for how I feel about it (my friends are his friends, we've a really tight group). He just hurt me so badly because he's been leading me on for m aore than week; even when he dumped me he had to get one last kiss -.-
Yesterday, I lightly scratched my hip again, just enough to leave white marks. I immediately felt better and stayed high the rest of the night. Today I just keep getting this urge to do it again. Does it ever stop? I don't even scar from what I do, sometimes it doesn't even leave white and red marks: is it bad if it makes me feel better? Does it actually get worse like everyone else says it does?
Right now, my experience(s) with SI really aren't as difficult to other people's on this forum =\ I even feel bad posting about my own life because it's such an insignificant bother compared to everyone else.
I can remember I started biting my arm way back, when I was 6 or 7. I don't really know why I did it, and I only have guesses today why: the clearest memory I have of my bites is when my dad saw the purple bruises on my arm and told me to stop. I think I listened to him at the time.
And then, probably a few years later, I came across two of my cousins talking about hurting themselves. We somehow got into this group discussion about scratching and biting (though one of them hinted at knives). Is there such a thing as a family history of SI? After that I remember digging my nails into my skin whenever I was stressed, and it slowly evolved into light scratching.
I've never bled from my scratches. At the most they were red marks that became long, white, bumpy lines. When people started asking about my "paper" cuts on my knuckles, I moved down to my lower hip/thigh area instead. As I grew older and found better outlets for expressing stress (I thought my life skills class was stupid but it really changed me), the scratching pretty much stopped.
But then a few days ago I fell and broke my tailbone, and then my boyfriend broke off our relationship; and now my life's just one big mess. I felt like I lost a lot of control over my life, because I can't play tennis when my lower spine's broken and it hurts to move too much. I didn't even have a say in the breakup, and no one really cares for how I feel about it (my friends are his friends, we've a really tight group). He just hurt me so badly because he's been leading me on for m aore than week; even when he dumped me he had to get one last kiss -.-
Yesterday, I lightly scratched my hip again, just enough to leave white marks. I immediately felt better and stayed high the rest of the night. Today I just keep getting this urge to do it again. Does it ever stop? I don't even scar from what I do, sometimes it doesn't even leave white and red marks: is it bad if it makes me feel better? Does it actually get worse like everyone else says it does?