why does she want me like this?

[ShatteredWings]

i swear, my mother WANTS me to be underweight...

whenever i'm out at dinner time, she'll make a plate, and that's fine...exepct she puts on about enough food for your average three year old to finish.

she loovvees to comment...and its always a mixed message

"You can't eat like that, or you'll gain weight"(said to begine things)
"you HAVE to start getting more exersize(if i did that i'd be out 24-7, what do you want?!?)


its the little things...i know she's lied to me a lot in the past, but why the FUCK would you want your teenage daughter to be hurting so badly.


i just want everone to be happy

[ThatCanadianGuy]

I know it's kinda like a forbidden thing for a guy to ask (lol) but how much DO you weigh? To me it seems like you're at a totally healthy weight as it is right now and you're Mom is just going nuts for no reason (for god's sake your 13!). You shouldn't be having to worry about this sorta thing untill you're an adult. You said you are "hurting so badly". By that do you mean she's depriving you of food in such a way that it causes you pain? That is just plain wrong. I know she may not be physically hiding food away from you but if she gives you these "baby plates" at meals and makes you feel bad for now reason then something is fucked up here. I read and responded to your other thread (about the tampons) and it seems like your mom is really confusing things in terms of what she should be "parenting" you on.

For instance; she said you couldn't use tampons because they "won't fit" right? That right there just goes to show that she's uncomfortable with the fact that you're maturing (physically as well as mentally and emotionally). Yet she feels like it's okay to make you watch what you eat to the point of going hungry!? If she isn't brave enough to face the fact that you're growing up and NEED things like tampons for personal health and hygiene, then she shouldn't be allowed to hang this constant need to be thin over your head. This is the kinda stuff that turns girls anorexic or bulemic.... grrrrr.

I hope that... sorta made sense (kinda ranty I know) but I hope I'm on the right track here? Is this the sorta thing you have to deal with concerning her?

[byee]

Gwyn, Gwyn, Gwyn. Your mom has some real issues with control, eh? And, she cannot seperate her issues with these things (like tampons and weight and her own body stuff) with yours. What's a sweetie like you to do?

I think you might want to do 2 things, pick one: A) You can just ignore her, and realize she's hopeless, that she cannot distinguish between her own stuff and yours, or, B) Sit sown with her CALMLY and discuss this all with her, see if she cannot understand how upsetting (and unnecessary) her comments/criticisms of you are. Pick one, and stay with it

[Medical Kid]

We are all beautiful for who we are, your mom just dosent want you to get really over weight, she dosent wanna change you, she just wants whats best for you, and if anything I'm sure she dose not mean that in a hurtful way, if you ask me, you need to sit down with her and talk this matter over.

[kerry]

We are all beautiful for who we are, your mom just dosent want you to get really over weight, she dosent wanna change you, she just wants whats best for you, and if anything I'm sure she dose not mean that in a hurtful way, if you ask me, you need to sit down with her and talk this matter over.

exactly everyone is beautiful in different ways !

[ShatteredWings]

i ment mental....genious....*rolls eyes*

i'm not sure if i shoudl confront her...

the last time i did, i got screamd at and told i'm so ungreatful and should stop whining and shit like that...

*sigh*

who's hoples, me or her?

canadian guy,...ya think this kinda thing encoruages eatingdiorders? OH MY GOD! a fucking revletation

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Well I didn't mean you! You're already aware of what she's doing and besides I can tell you're too stubborn to give in and "let her win" :D

I hope I might have helped more than telling you something you already know... there was more in that post! lol

[ShatteredWings]

well...actually..i've only recently realizsed i'm being manipulated...

[byee]

Gwyn, I donlt know you're being manipulated. That sounds sinister. Rather, I just think your mom has her own needs that she's responding to here (see: Narcissism).

Your task is to help her see there's a diff between you and your needs and she and hers. (Oh, I so like the idea of therapy here).

You can try to accomplish this, but you have to have a sustained period of NOT arguing or fighting or otherwise being angry with her when she blurs the distinction b'twn you and your needs and hers. You have to be calm, and just talk reasonably to her, not yell at her out of frustration.

[ShatteredWings]

Your task is to help her see there's a diff between you and your needs and she and hers. (Oh, I so like the idea of therapy here).
me too, but when i sugest it......

You can try to accomplish this, but you have to have a sustained period of NOT arguing or fighting or otherwise being angry with her when she blurs the distinction b'twn you and your needs and hers. You have to be calm, and just talk reasonably to her, not yell at her out of frustration.
...okay, got it, become mute for three weeks! [and i swear that wasnt sarcastic]

[kerry]

do as she wants for a while ! be calm and talk reasonably.no shouting